Evening meals when you work and DC go to nursery?

[Greywarden]

Hi everyone, first-time mum here to a DC who is about 16 months.

My DC is in nursery 4.5 days a week - I have an afternoon off with them every Monday in exchange for one evening a week working late. Most nursery days are 9am-5.30pm. Neither me nor DH can get there in time for an earlier pickup on our current work schedules.

Up until this point, our evening routine has involved one of us picking DC up, getting them home by about 5.40 and whipping up dinner quickly (usually a matter of heating up a batch-cooked meal portion and boiling / steaming veg). DC eats by 6 most nights. We tend to eat with DC as a family although don't always manage it.

However, we've noticed DC getting very cranky and desperate for food so that even with this short wait it's difficult to contain / distract them. I sometimes resort to a pre-dinner fruit snack but that doesn't seem ideal really. Their nursery key worker also tells me my DC is getting upset when the other kids have dinner (about 4.30/5pm) as they want to eat then too.

DC already has lunch and 2 healthy snacks a day provided by nursery. If they had dinner there too it would cost us very little financially and would save us the rushing around... but we would lose out on the family dinner time. I suppose I also like to know DC is having a dinner that I can oversee and where I can ensure the veggies are prominent.

What do you all do about dinner if you work and have a DC in nursery? What should I do?

They ate at nursery and had snacks when they got home. Plenty of time for family dinners at the weekends and for years to come.

Definitely dinner at nursery then DC would join us for family dinner too if we were having one, our DC would of been in pieces to wait till that late and to not be allowed the food he can see everyone else having, must be a complete nightmare for his nursery nurses too, I’ve not worked in a nursery but even as just a parent I can imagine they are having to seriously bite their tongues!!

Please don't feel bad, when you're a first time mum you don't know everything and everything you do know is a lot to keep up with!

We have a 2 and 7 year old and we rarely eat at the same time during the week, we go out at least once a week for dinner at a restaurant and we all love it, our DDs are very well behaved, know how to be at a table and eat well (mostly haha). The lack of family meals during the week hasn't had a negative affect on us or our DDs.

I also only work 3 days but go into London once a week and my DH 2x a week, he doesn't get home until gone 7pm so eating 'as a family' isn't practical and that is ok. Switch him to have his tea at nursery, he can still sit with you both while you eat (or do what me and my DH do and eat dinner a la sofa and watch an epic show once little ones are in bed ;-) )

I think the fact you're thinking, asking and trying so hard shows what a great mum you are.

I'm a first time mum too and I find myself making adjustments all the time - and thinking it must have been so obvious to everyone else! When in reality, it's just a learning curve, adjusting to everything new as they grow.

If it helps, I'm a SAHM and we don't eat dinner with our 4 year old most days. He eats between 5 and 5.30 and my husband isn't usually home by then so we can't all have dinner together. I sit with him and we chat and have the radio on. I just wanted to say it isn't happening here either in different circumstances so don't worry too much! Plenty of time for it to happen.

I would definitely let them have dinner at nursery, especially if they are getting cranky seeing the other kids having theirs. 6pm is a long time to wait from lunch at 12 for a small child. Just have meal times together at the weekend for now.

Ours has "tea" at nursery around 3pm, they do a snack (crackers, rice cakes etc) around 5 and then he comes home and eats dinner with us around 6. We just serve him what we're having, but a smaller portion than he'd have on non-nursery days.

Mine has afternoon tea at 4pm in nursery so he just has something light in the evenings on nursery days.

Oh my goodness OP, do not beat yourself up so much!

I'm sure you're an amazing mum. I felt sad about not having dinner with my little one too when she started nursery/going to grandparents after my maternity leave, but actually it works fine. She has tea at nursery or with her grandparents 4 days a week, then with us the other days. We'll, theoretically...sometimes she has hers earlier if we're getting a takeaway after bedtime etc.

It is really hard to sort the logistics though, I want my DD in PJs by 7.30 really, so between picking her up at half 5, getting home, playing with her toys, bath if she needed one, there really isn't time to eat as well unless her bedtime becomes even later than it already is. She's rarely asleep before 8.

Thanks so much everyone. Some good ideas here on how I can balance things, eg providing some food of my own in addition to the nursery meal. I really appreciate the reassurance from people about needing to be flexible and keep adapting things as my DC grows and their needs change - I keep looking for some sort of perfect routine when actually of course the routine will need to adapt over time.

I have been struggling a bit lately with feeling inadequate as a mum and can't tell you how much I've appreciated all of these helpful, practical, supportive, lovely responses.

I'd say most if not all mums feel inadequate most of the time. It comes with the role tbh.

You are doing, and will continue to do a fab Job. You clearly care. You are asking on how to improve stuff. Your child will, as they all do, grow into a fine adult (bar the late teenage years where they hate everyone), and no mother ever truly knows what they are doing. We are just just trying.