First period talk!

[ThisNewPinkFox]

My daughter (11) has hormonal acne (the gp has sorted it and it’s clearing up) and I’ve now noticed she has started getting pubic hair.
the doctor said she’d guess it’ll happen within 6 months.

I’ve already discussed periods with her, and what to expect (my own mother never spoke to me about it and I woke up one morning thinking I’m dying 😅)

she’s very chill about it, we’ve got a very close relationship and she knows she can tell me anything or ask questions if she needs to.

im currently starting a period basket for her! I’m thinking period knickers , pads, a cute pad case to put in her bag , a lavender wheat bag in case she gets cramps, chocolate (an essential) , a lady shaver (this is there just in case she does decide to experiment with hair removal, and I feel it’s safer than a razor to start with while she gets the hang of it, she knows body hair is normal and that it’s her choice), moisturiser, some skincare bits (simple as it’s gentle), fluffy socks and pyjamas to get comfy after her period starts. Maybe some feminine wipes? And aveeno bath stuff? She can’t have bath bombs due to eczema.

does anyone have any more suggestions? How did you find your child’s first period? Is there anything you could recommend or wish you’d have done/purchased? I’d love to hear about it as it’s all very new for me in regards to having a child start their period! I just want to make it as positive as possible! And for her to know it’s ok.

This is cute

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Menstruation-Crustacean-Shrimp-Lavender-Scented-Microwaveable/dp/B0C8PHRL95/ref=asc_df_B0C8PHRL95?mcid=f31d9cdd6e073aa4a5e022671734f4e4&th=1&psc=1&hvocijid=1984232669850055399-B0C8PHRL95-&hvexpln=74&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=696285193871&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1984232669850055399&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006886&hvtargid=pla-2281435176618&psc=1&gad_source=1

It's worth bearing in mind that your DD's experience may not be yours, so don't start by assuming that her periods will be heavy and painful. Mine were as a teenager, into my twenties. I was debilitated by cramps for at least a couple of days a month, I had very heavy flow and felt dreadful , despite copious Feminax and everything was a bit messy. It also didn't help being the first girl after 2 boys and my mother talking about "the curse". Nobody ever talked about periods outside biology/sex ed lessons. I had to pretty much give up my career as a competitive swimmer, which I was actually pretty good at. My Catholic mum would hear of the pill or tampons. (Even when I bought tampons myself, I was so scared of them it took me years to relax enough to get them in).

DD on the other hand has never had any pain, never missed school and has dealt with the mess etc far more efficiently with periods pants than was ever possible with 1980s sanitary towels! She's very matter of fact about it. She and her friends discuss periods openly. She has successfully campaigned her cricket club to change the women's kit to navy trousers, which she has got away with playing for her main age group team too (she plays cricket year round). It would never cross DD's mind that periods are anything more than an inconvenience, and I won't be giving her any ideas that they should be considered problematic.

It sounds OP, that your own mother's neglect in not telling you anything about periods, has made you want to go completely over the top with your own DD.

Did you ever ask your mum why she never mentioned anything to you? That must have been very scary for you!

The items you are providing are telling your daughter that periods are a painful, unclean nuisance that will stop her from being able to live her normal life. Nobody needs a takeaway because they are menstruating. Hinting about the need to remove hair is also unnecessary. You don't have to make this into a mum and daughter rite of passage. It's an every day occurrence and dealing with it in a matter of fact way without inventing problems before they have happened is surely the best approach

Assuming she'll have dreadful periods and years of awfulness ahead of her is incredibly negative. Painkillers for period cramps. Anything that normal painkillers won't touch should be investigated by a doctor - I wouldn't let my dd put up with that.

As for needing pampering and money for take outs - good god, my dd would have wondered what the hell I was on if I'd started on that malarkey.

I agree. I work in education where students are at work. So many under 21s think it's perfectly accurate have 3-4 days a month off due to their periods.
Over pampering is not necessary.

How old was she when she tried tampons? My dd has just started. Hates the pants and not keen on pads either. But she is young, only turned 9 in September.

To be fair, there will be women who do need 3-4 days off each month who are suffering from gynae conditions. It would be very rare for a 21 year old to have a diagnosis of endometriosis, for example but they very well may have the condition.

Thankyou ❤️

Urgh I’d hate to be that judgemental.

It really isn’t over the top, where I live it’s a common thing! My cousin did one for her daughter which is what gave me the idea! She was over the moon to receive it. My cousin said it’s trendy at the moment, with a little research I think a lot of these commenters would see that times have changed since the 90s/early 2000s and women’s health isn’t taboo anymore! I’m quite baffled to be honest.

funnily enough my mum actually said what a lot of these commenters are saying! There was pads in the bathroom so she left us to figure it out. It’s a very out dated view!

apparently allowing her to have a takeaway with her friends is super over the top as well. If people see that as spoiling a child I dread to think 😅

anyway, I’ve actually now asked my daughter what she thinks! Much to everyone’s disappointment she’s very excited! And has discussed it with her friends, some of which have asked their mums who have said yes to doing them one too!

so there’s now a group of young girls getting period baskets! The horror!

I have a 12 year old and also work in women's health. It's nothing to do with having out-of-date ideas, it's just that some of us think that the fanfare is unnecessary and some aspects may suggest unhealthy ideas about a normal phase of life. But you do you hun

Period baskets all round then

I’m suddenly appreciating my mum 😂

Wow, working in women’s health too! 🤯

you say some aspects may suggest unhealthy ideas about a normal phase of life,

if you think a box of period products and skincare is suggesting anything other than exactly what it is, that’s actually your own issue.

I do hope you don’t judge other women like that at work. My sister is a nurse and part of the job is having an open mind along with basic care & understanding. She wouldn’t dream of it.

I might text my mum to make me one 😂 never too late I suppose!

So we have had this gradually DD and I. She first learnt about periods in about year 2 or 3 then a bit more every year. She does borrow my ladyshaver and was asking for quite a while. We got the lil-lets pack for her to keep in her bag a while ago but she hasn’t started yet. She has asked me for a basket thing to keep her bits in when she does so I was going to get her that with some period stuff, bath thing and some chocolate. That’s all she needs. She doesn’t need cash for a takeaway etc. She was telling me about something she saw on YouTube where a family had a period party when their daughter started. wtf 😂. However you are her mum and I think it’s lovely of you to do all this. I also gave my dd a couple of books to read to explain everything

@ThisNewPinkFox and shaving and possibly using soaps and other "intimate" care shit? That’s not the win you think it is.

lol I think there's a big difference between pads in the cupboard and figure it out and a basket with new pjs!!

I set both my girls up with a little bag they took to school and pads in their drawers ready. They came and chatted to me (one daughter texts as she doesn't like to discuss face to face! The other likes to talk and we've had very funny discussions about inserting tampons!).

As people have said you know your daughter best but neither of mine would have wanted a basket.

I'm also on the side of chocolate being a bad habit to get into.

I always need chocolate on my period. I have to say though intimate wipes and body washes are a no no. I got BV once and the nurse told me to never use them.

Ew, intimate wipes, absolutely no way does anyone need that shit

I told my dd about periods when she was in year 3, so before any embarrassment kicked in.
She started 2 weeks before she turned 13 and l bought her a little Byoma gift set as a celebration of her growing up which is something a friend from another culture said they do and l really liked the idea of it being a positive thing rather than a taboo.
She is taking it all in her stride so far x

Clearly, as with all things parenting do what you want to do.

What most posters are getting at is keeping it as period supplies and skincare, that is a proportionate and balanced approach. You have said period supplies and skincare but actually your list is far far wider than that and isn't what many of these posters consider a healthy approach. It's an approach that could potentially cause a woe me reaction, encouraging and helping with care and comfort is one thing but going OTT could easily give mixed signals on how girls should view their periods and behave. Education, information and open conversation alongside easy access to supplies and a bit of compassion and a cuddle each month is more balanced than material objects.

I am very lucky and barely noticed my periods other than the blood! No cramps, no feeling crappy, no desire to eat chocolate or takeaway so I really do think you're massively overthinking this and setting it up to be a big drama when it really might not be anything at all!

Don't make her feel like a poor helpless victim who needs cotton wool handling every month.

A period party 🤣 that’s hilarious. I bet YouTube could be where the period baskets first came from, or it wouldn’t surprise me!
my daughter definitely wouldn’t want a whole party 😅 , she will most likely show her grandma her period basket though!
does your daughter love baths too?, I have to get sensitive skin stuff with my daughters eczema so can’t get the scented stuff but she does love some bubbles etc.
with my own periods I’ve found a nice soak in a warm bath helps loads with cramps too!
it’s nice your daughter has taken an interest bless her. I hope all goes well and she enjoys her little treats! 🥰