First period talk!

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My daughter (11) has hormonal acne (the gp has sorted it and it’s clearing up) and I’ve now noticed she has started getting pubic hair.
the doctor said she’d guess it’ll happen within 6 months.

I’ve already discussed periods with her, and what to expect (my own mother never spoke to me about it and I woke up one morning thinking I’m dying 😅)

she’s very chill about it, we’ve got a very close relationship and she knows she can tell me anything or ask questions if she needs to.

im currently starting a period basket for her! I’m thinking period knickers , pads, a cute pad case to put in her bag , a lavender wheat bag in case she gets cramps, chocolate (an essential) , a lady shaver (this is there just in case she does decide to experiment with hair removal, and I feel it’s safer than a razor to start with while she gets the hang of it, she knows body hair is normal and that it’s her choice), moisturiser, some skincare bits (simple as it’s gentle), fluffy socks and pyjamas to get comfy after her period starts. Maybe some feminine wipes? And aveeno bath stuff? She can’t have bath bombs due to eczema.

does anyone have any more suggestions? How did you find your child’s first period? Is there anything you could recommend or wish you’d have done/purchased? I’d love to hear about it as it’s all very new for me in regards to having a child start their period! I just want to make it as positive as possible! And for her to know it’s ok.

Exactly this! It’s at home privately. My name nor her name are on here, nobody knows who she is, I’m not putting her name and photo in the local paper with a photo of her period pads in it 😅

the thing is it’s all things she’d have anyway. I’m just getting them all at once so she doesn’t have to ask for them, and has the option to try things in her own time.
It’s ok not to want to for your own kids. But it’s not embarrassing at all to do things a bit differently in your own house.

Online? Here where it’s anonymous you mean?

Chocolate is always essential

I think the real key to your thinking here is this from your original post:
(my own mother never spoke to me about it and I woke up one morning thinking I’m dying 😅)

I empathise hugely with this - my mother also never mentioned periods to me. I started quite late so was fully aware thanks to friends/school/Just 17 magazine but there was such a glaring disconnect between me and her (I didn't tell her when I started, just got on with it) that I'm incredibly conscious of not making the same mistake with my own DD. She's also 11 and very much on the cusp of starting.

Whilst I understand fully the effect of this lack of motherly care and attention around this (I genuinely find it quite traumatic to think about, especially now I'm a mother myself!) I agree with everyone else on the thread that is saying you are going too far with this. I think it's possible to show you care, and celebrate/support this new aspect of her life without going quite so OTT.

I totally understand, it isn’t for everyone. My daughter felt really uneasy about it after having a sex ed & puberty lesson at school, I had a chat with her and put her mind at ease about it all, she knows it’s something we all get, and that it’s just part of growing up. so I’ve definitely not skipped on the important bits. She’ll need pads and hygiene stuff anyway (of course all our kids have to wash themselves etc regardless) I just think itd be nice to get it all at once so she can navigate things in her own time. She’s quite a shy kid but we are very close. I know she’d ask me anyway, but I also know she’d prefer to do it herself first if that makes sense? Like look at the options, and decide on her own terms what she’d like to use etc.

Why chocolate? It is not a good habit to make, and has no benefit to her. All she will learn is to associate eating chocolate every time she has a period, and is feeling a bit low, and then that will seep into her every day life, as she gets older. Girls are being done absolutely no favours by their Mothers, who help to install such unhelpful habits.

My periods weren't ever awful, hers might not be either.

There isn’t a single woman in my family that hasn’t had heavy and painful periods from a young age, I haven’t told her that as I’m just going to wait and see how she gets on and try get her help if she does need it.

even my friends that have had quite normal periods agree that they are not nice to experience and absolutely hate the whole thing.

it’s okay though, you don’t have to get your own kids anything other than some pads if you want. They’re your kids and you can parent how you choose.

With DD we had the chats , what to expect and how it differs from woman to woman/girl to girl and just stocked up on products at home plus an emergency bag(including pants) in case she got it at school.

She ended up getting it on her bday and bounced along for hours at a trampoline park. No pampering wanted or needed.

Other than that we managed it as the need arose. Period pants/swimwear, hot water bottle /painkillers as time went on as they weren't painful at all in the beginning, she was just ravenous.

You're being really OTT, even on the hair thing. If you're really that close and talk about everything, she'll come to you. No need to put that idea in her head before there's a need.

I’ve always had some chocolate on my period. Most women I know do too!
everyone’s period cravings are different though, one of my friends gets spring rolls on hers!

dark chocolate in particular is actually good for us.

not that i teach my daughter food is good or bad. Food is just food. And yep I’ll get her chocolate on her period! And her future periods too! :)

Do what you want, no one really cares. You seem to be resistant to hearing anything negative about what you are proposing, so get on with it. Good luck.

Her question wasn't about if you agree or not though, it was about suggestions of what to get and experiences. Yet funnily enough most of the horrible answers are to tell her not to do something that she's already started to get together!

Yes of course, she was give benzoyl peroxide in a low dose. It’s worked really well, we use simple products so she isn’t using anything else harsh on her face. Having extras is never a bad thing. She washes her own hair etc now (it’s super long) and enjoys baths (takes after me!) so it really is just stuff she likes to use anyway.

and yes, the gp said she reckons within 6 months based on what she’s generally seen in children of a similar age. Of course she can’t say 100% what time and date, but it’s just a guess! Which I appreciate as I haven’t done this before so it’s good to be prepared. I think I agree as her mood swings are definitely present at the moment 😅

ooh okay I’ll check that out thankyou.

I got this book for DD when she was 10 - "My Period: Find your flow and feel proud of your period" by Milli Hill.

I highly recommend it. It's not just about periods but your whole menstrual cycle. It's so positive and empowering, DD is actually excited about getting her period now.

www.amazon.co.uk/My-Period-Find-period-positive/dp/1526363372

I can see that you are well intentioned and I can completely understand that having had awful periods, you feel this is a big milestone for your daughter. Mine are horrendous too although for the first five years they were absolutely fine.

But a PP above said something along the lines of that your DD will be the same person the day after her period starts as she was the day before. I think that would be a very reassuring message to get at an unsettling time. I also think conflating periods with cleanliness and pubic hair is unwise. I'm not saying don't give her the things you've bought her (except perhaps the wipes) but just don't put them all in one basket to give her on that day!

Thankyou that sounds great!! I think it’s good to make it as positive as possible! My daughter actually loves reading!

I'm afraid you might not like my post either because I would have been absolutely mortified if my mother had made a big fuss and presented me with a gift basket. I was/ am a very private person and wanted to deal with things privately whereas my mum quizzed me on the details and broadcast it loudly around the house while my younger sibling tittered. My cheeks are blazing just thinking about it.

Of course you know your daughter best and you obviously think she will enjoy and appreciate it as a caring gesture, so she probably will. Though I agree with other posters, don't go overboard or she will think it's some terrible ordeal to dread and need rewarding for every month. Periods are a nuisance, I've always thought so and still having the damned things aged 50! But they are normal life for a girl/woman and we have to crack on the best we can without a big hoo ha.

If it helps at all the MOST helpful thing my mother could have done was keep an eye on keeping my "supplies" topped up as months went by. She seemed to not do so deliberately so I'd have to go and ask her for more (and be questioned about flow etc). Again, mortifying.

Periods are nothing to be ashamed of but most of us like to deal with certain normal bodily functions privately.

This has to be a wind up surely?

My daughter (12) got her first period a month ago.

I set her up with a bag of pads and period pants in the bathroom six months ago and explained it all to her and her twin brother.

It wasn't a big deal. I wouldn't bother with all the extras.

I have images of OP posting her basket in Instagram…

Just make sure she has what she needs discreetly. There is no need for a big song and dance about a very normal bodily function that half of the population has.

I certainly wouldn’t be using language like ‘periods are awful’, nor telling her about years of discomfort. Whilst my mum did not throw a pageant or make it all about her, she also told me periods were a fact of life and should not stop me doing anything. So I largely ignored them as much as I could.

Your daughter starting her periods is one of the many things she’ll need to manage on her own, and with out her mummy. If I talked about periods, it was with friends. It’s time for mum to take a step back.

I still think you’re making a massive intrusive fuss over something very personal to her.

My daughter is 11, due to start anytime. We had a talk, she's got the lillets pack, I'll buy period pants but I'm not going to go overboard- I have a son too. We will just get on with it really, each to there own but my dd will just be embarrassed and if I gave her a pamper pack I think she'd feel like she needs it- she doesnt so I don't want her to associate periods with sitting about having baths and eating chocolate or needing support.

I suspect OP is not culturally British?? Apologise if wrong. But this really isn't standard. All family, friends just get on with it. It isn't a big deal, no-one thinks it's awful, you don't need faffy extra bits and pieces. Most teens WOULD find "a period basket" embarrassing.

Like most other pp's, you just provide a selection of sanitary options in the bathroom, and a small bag to take to school. Job done.

Have you got a bathroom bin with a lid? My mother didn't like bathroom bins and I hated having to smuggle period products and wrappers out to the main bin. You forget how embarrassing it can be at that age.

Talking to her about what her periods may look like as time goes on is helpful. I talked to DD about how blood might be brown at the start or end, how it could be dark red or light. It meant she wasn't worried and she told me she recently talked to a friend who hadn't expected these differences and was worried about something being wrong.

I would take out the lady shave and feminine wipes. The wipes are not essential and may.make your daughter concerned something is or will be "wrong" with her. Same with the lady shave, let her decide what she wants to do.

It doesn't need to end up as a big basket of goodies and treats. Chat with her, give her supplies but a takeaway is overkill.