First period talk!

[ThisNewPinkFox]

My daughter (11) has hormonal acne (the gp has sorted it and it’s clearing up) and I’ve now noticed she has started getting pubic hair.
the doctor said she’d guess it’ll happen within 6 months.

I’ve already discussed periods with her, and what to expect (my own mother never spoke to me about it and I woke up one morning thinking I’m dying 😅)

she’s very chill about it, we’ve got a very close relationship and she knows she can tell me anything or ask questions if she needs to.

im currently starting a period basket for her! I’m thinking period knickers , pads, a cute pad case to put in her bag , a lavender wheat bag in case she gets cramps, chocolate (an essential) , a lady shaver (this is there just in case she does decide to experiment with hair removal, and I feel it’s safer than a razor to start with while she gets the hang of it, she knows body hair is normal and that it’s her choice), moisturiser, some skincare bits (simple as it’s gentle), fluffy socks and pyjamas to get comfy after her period starts. Maybe some feminine wipes? And aveeno bath stuff? She can’t have bath bombs due to eczema.

does anyone have any more suggestions? How did you find your child’s first period? Is there anything you could recommend or wish you’d have done/purchased? I’d love to hear about it as it’s all very new for me in regards to having a child start their period! I just want to make it as positive as possible! And for her to know it’s ok.

If this is real, you could actually make it feel quite frightening for her by building it up to this huge event.

I have complete sympathy for any woman who has dreadful periods as I suffer myself, and you should definitely talk and be open, but this is way OTT. I’d have hated my mum posting about this online and think lost girls would too.

*lots of

You really have taken this wrong.
I asked my daughter what would she have thought of a period basket - she said “how embarrassing”
As in receiving such a basket would be embarrassing and have made her feel awkward and embarrassed - giving you this information was to avoid your daughter feeling like this.
I don’t understand why you see this as anything but helpful if I’m honest.

True, I remember when I was at school the school nurse completely ignored us if we went there with period pains! Of course I’ve no clue what it’s like now, hopefully better! But it’s worth them understanding painkillers and having that option. My daughter is very sensible too so that sounds like a great idea!

Still disagree.
I'm in no way saying she should tough it out if she is uncomfortable or in pain, but don't assume she will be.
And you don't need a whole prepared pamper basket, you just need your daughter to be comfortable telling you that she feels like shit/has cramps and you can respond as appropriate in the moment with hugs, heat pads, painkiller as required.
And I stand by my statement that giving her skin care and extra hygiene products is potentially pushing negative messages about her body that I think is the wrong way to go.

Whilst I would have preferred my parents were a bit more open and easy to talk to if they had approached it like you are I would have been absolutely mortified.

It sounds like you are pushing your own experience onto your daughter. Her periods may not bring her the misery that they bring for you. If you are telling your daughter that there is misery ahead she will believe it and it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

OP I think you're projecting here - the opening standpoint for your dd needs to be that periods are normal, functional, manageable and life will carry on. If it turns out for her that this isn't the case as it wasn't for you then, as I'm sure you will, try and get the appropriate medical support (sadly depressingly lacking but you can try).

I don't think turning it into a huge coming of age thing is a good idea, and people's idea of self care is vastly different. Getting her to do some gentle exercise (e.g. swimming or a walk) and providing painkillers may be far more effective for cramping, and variable mood than a takeaway.

And providing her with a ladyshave and nail varnish can have the opposite effect of being safe to suggesting an expectation to her. Wipes - unnecessary, poor for environment, not advised. Soap and water fine.

Sorry OP I think it's too much, and you were very unkind calling another posters daughter a bully.

Your party plans are missing!

periods are a big deal, and they’re awful. My daughter has many years of discomfort ahead

Sorry OP but I agree with everyone else. You are massively overthinking this whole thing. Periods are not a big deal. Almost every woman has them and has "many years of discomfort" (I'm on roughly year 30 now 😭).

You're making too big a deal and fussing over something which is a natural bodily function.

Tampons, pads, painkillers and a bar of chocolate is more than enough.

Periods are a fact of life and being open about them and normalising it is great. What you are suggesting isn't normalising it, its making it sound like a huge scary thing and her life will never be the same again.
It's geat you are keen to support your daughter but strongly suggest you tone it down a few levels.

I haven’t told my daughter anything about being miserable so I’m not sure where you’ve got that from.

@ThisNewPinkFox can I ask what the GP gave you for the acne?

It's good to be prepared, but tbh I'm not sure how the GP knows it'll be i6 months based on the spots and hair, every body is different of course, but just bear in mind it could also be longer than 6 months. I remember looking at something called the Tanner stages online for dd when she started puberty, that was quite helpful.

That’s you though not my child. Many mums are doing it for their daughters and it’s had a positive effect on children. It’s 2025.
you can do what you want with your own child, but I’ve asked for helpful suggestions not your opinion on how I should or shouldn’t raise my child.
giving her some essentials and treats isn’t a bad thing and isn’t over the top, it’s basic hygiene and self care products id have got for her anyway. It’s normal to wash yourself.

I can see why you want to do this. I started my periods at 9 and had painful periods for a lot of my life. The whole thing was embarrassing and having periods really did suck.

Unfortunately I agree with others that this is overkill and not because women should just "get on with it" but because I think it makes the whole thing actually a lot more frightening.

You've experienced painful periods but she may not. To her they might not actually that bad.

Some women do choose to remove hair but why is this linked to periods? Couldn't you just give it to her if she wants it? I think putting it in the period basket implies that pubic hair and periods don't go together which isn't true. Feminine wipes shouldn't be necessary.

Also as far as the takeaway and treats - personally I don't think it's good to set up the idea in advance that you always need treats and chocolate when you're feeling sad or in pain. She's still young so why does she need the money for takeaway? Presumably you just buy it? Can't you wait until she starts her period, presumably she will tell you immediately and if she does feel a bit rubbish you can suggest a movie and takeaway and chilling on the couch together.

I think your intentions are good but you are projecting the awful periods onto her when hers may not be. It does feel like too much and I think it might have the opposite of the intended effect.

It's like taking a child for an injection and telling them that injections are absolutely terrifying, the needles are really big and it hurts terribly and that they're going to need a lot of treats to get through it. I can see the value in preparing them that it might sting for a second but surely there's such a thing as making too big of a deal of it?

I wish I'd been given more information about periods but had I been set up with a basket like this I'd have been terrified about how awful they must be. It also adds confusion when there's just so much to look at in the basket and it's all new to you.

If you provide a range of sanitary products and make sure she's knows how to use them, then give her empathy and be there for her when she does start her periods then you're already saving her from what you went through. You can give her treats as and when in response to how she's feeling.

"Oh love are you having period pains? I know it's horrible isn't it? You know some people think chocolate helps. Shall I fill you up a hot water bottle and get the chocolate orange down from the cupboard for us?" is a lot more casual and supportive (to me) than setting up a basket in advance with all sorts of stuff.

I remember when my mums friends made a joke about getting me a cake with a pad on top and I was absolutely mortified and never wanted her to find out!
I get now we are more body positive and periods aren't seen as something to be ashamed of, but it's still a bit overkill IMO.

But somehow encouraging a child to call people embarrassing isn’t.
how bizarre.

Why is the "period basket" embarrassing?

Sure, I find much of it a bit OTT and it wasn't something I ever did, but I presume OP will not be making her DD parade around school or up and down the street with it. It is just a selection of stuff that she thinks her DD might like to have available, not for public entertainment or consumption.

We are all different.

Jesus Christ.

If you experienced painful periods then surely the most important thing is not cash / chocolate, it's telling your daughter the reality of gynae care in the UK.

She needs to know that her periods do not have to be debilitating and that there is help and support but she may need to fight for it. She needs to understand that her GP isn't necessarily always going to be right or understanding of problems she may have. She may need to be assertive and vocal when requesting medical help.

Periods are not necessarily a walk in the park but you do seem to be projecting a lot!

im thinking maybe including a little envelope with cash for her chosen takeaway too?

Why would an 11 year old be ordering her own takeaway?

Oh for goodness sake.
Nobody has called you embarrassing.
The basket is the source of embarrassment not the person.
I can see you misunderstood but it has now been clarified several times.

I wish I'd been given more information about periods but had I been set up with a basket like this I'd have been terrified about how awful they must be. It also adds confusion when there's just so much to look at in the basket and it's all new to you.

And also everything else that @Linkle has said.

And why are you providing feminine hygiene / bathing / shaving products for her starting her period?!

I’ve managed to get through my entire reproductive life without anyone pampering me. I’m not a princess. Support is a lot different to ‘pampering’. You’ll turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy if you teach your dd that her periods are definitely going to be hellish. Millions of women have scant periods with minimal discomfort. Hopefully DD will be one of them. If it turns out the DD does have problem periods, then you can support her by taking her to the GP. Making her up a menstrual Christmas Eve box won’t help her.

My daughter just started at 11 so it's good to be ready. We started talking about it years ago of course - first with a body positivity book we read together years ago before the embarrassment kicked in and then I left a super practical book in her room. I know she read it as she had questions!

I had pads and tampons in the main bathroom for years now as I have no idea if any of her friends might need them. Turns out the brand I got doesn't work for her anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Was a bit of trial and error at the start so I'd be tempted to give her a few different things (we settled on lil let pads and period pants in the end) and tell her there are tons of options to try if whatever you get isn't right. The biggest unanticipated headache for me was dance class - my daughter is a ballerina and that was a massive faff. With lots of tears. So if your daughter is a dancer or swimmer etc it's worth investigating what could work for her.

Otherwise it was having an open door policy, giving her tons of space and letting her figure some things out. after all the prep for it, I wasn't even home when it happened so ended up leaving work early and rushing back (she's on the spectrum and had a meltdown unfortunately). But since then it's been totally fine. She doesn't have any pain or cravings or bloating yet so I've not even raised any of that as the rest of it has been challenging enough - I've told her casually that some of these things 'might' happen and to come for a chat if so. Between her friends there's plenty of examples of other things to think about anyway

Personally I'd take the personal care stuff out and give it to her now with the chat and explanations as that's just conflating all the wrong things for me. People can have body hair or need to up their hygiene etc without their periods or as a part of them or not at all related so I'd have those chats on their own and focus the self care basket on practicalities and some chocolate for a treat :)

(My daughter would have no idea how to order a takeaway and it's all on card anyway so I just ordered us some pizza that evening as I spent hours trying to calm her down. But that was mostly for me!)

I think some of these replies are harsh and unnecessary.

What a lovely and thoughtful mum you are!

I didn't have the chat or any support at all so like you, I want to be so much better for my children. I feel this is quite alot but I'd go with the sanitary products and a little zip bag to take with her plus I'd do a wheatbag if she doesn't already have one. I would treat to pjs and chocolates when out and about but not necessarily for starting period. Good luck 👍

I gave my DDs a makeup bag or pencil case to put on their school bag and told them to put pads and pair of spare knickers in it. I also told them to help themselves to the stock of pads in the bathroom cupboard. Oh and I gave them a book about puberty.

Certainly would not have given them a shaver or wipes.