Please tell me it gets easier… young kids

[Safi123]

Hi,
looking for some positive stories and someone to tell me things will get easier. I have DD(4) will turn 5 January, DS(2) will turn 3 February and baby DS few months old. Things have been up and down since DD started reception and baby came home, things started to look a little better with routine etc but now I’m struggling with DS1 who up until the last few months has been such a chilled toddler, very kind and helpful etc he still is but has started tantrums over the smallest things and constantly pushing boundaries sometimes doesn’t want to listen or doesn’t do things unless he gets his way, it’s seems like this is getting more and more frequent. My DD is also having frequent times when she’s more whingy, doesn’t want to listen doesn’t want to do things for herself that I know she can and has done before. The worst is the constant bickering and fighting between the two. They were the really good at playing with each other and good friends up until few months ago(summer). I almost can’t wait to go back to work because of how much hard work it is. Almost at the end of Xmas holiday and honestly with the illness we just had and the tantrums, whinging etc I feel so exhausted.

I guess I’m just hoping people with kids who are older will tell me things get easier in the sense less tantrums, whinging, crying, screaming, they’ll be more independent etc.

Is there anything I can do to foster a better relationship again between the older 2 and how to manage these tantrums etcs?
any help would be appreciated

Oh also it’s the constant all over me, mummy needs to do everything, DH tries to be hands as much as possible and my mum also helps out but for some reason when I’m at home they don’t want anyone else but me. DH and my mum mention they seem bit calmer when im not around. Just feel a bit exhausted tbh

Just bumping

I only have the one and she's only 5, but I do feel like kids get easier the older they get. Obviously haven't had the teen years yet (!), but the tantrums should lessen as they get older. My 5 yo is a lot more calm than when she was 3, for example. They also become more independent. You just have a lot of young kids demanding attention, so it's not surprising you feel pulled in all directions.

Make use of your support network and take some time away from the family just for you x

I've only got one so can't comment on the bickering, but yes, it does get easier!
They turn into your best friends and people you want to spend time with.
My aunt told me this when I was struggling with a stroppy, non-sleeping toddler and she was so right. DS is a teen now and we laugh so much together.
Hang in there!

Edited because autocorrect is a twat.

Thank you both for the insight, I think I’m just finding having had kids almost back to back and still being in the thick of very young kids very demanding and exhausting. Behaviour wise elsewhere they are absolutely lovely, not has a single complaint, just need to remind myself these are normal age related developments/phase, probably also feeling bit sluggish in this postpartum fog.

Mine are similar ages - 6 and nearly 3. It's still hard but lovely too and significantly easier than when the youngest was a baby and waking hourly which frankly was hell for me. Hang In there op xxx

I have 3 with similar age gaps (now 8,5 and 2.5) we have days they get on and days they just don't. They are also all me when im at home which is all the time! 😪

It does get easier as the newborn gets older and becomes interested in the older ones but every day comes with it's challenges. If your kids are anything like mine then they are just nuts and some days you just have to get through.

I try to get them toys they will play together but equally notice when they are on each other's nerves and need space. Do they have any common interests? For mine parks or somewhere new stops the bickering because they're too busy exploring.
Mine also love a job, my eldest sets the table, middle sweeps floors and youngest loves putting washing in the washing machine ( if only they did it well, we would be a functioning household 😂)

Good luck and remember with kids this is just a phase and will pass! You got this and if you don't your kids are to young to tell the time so just call bedtime 😴

I feel you. Mine are 2 and 4. The 4 year old is really coming into his own and on the whole is great. My 2 year okd is wild. I think sometimes I forget he is only 2 but by god it's hard work at time. He doesn't listen trantrums and will run off. He also is very loving and kind and sweet. It's a complete rollercoaster and completely exhausting. Christmas was lovely but absolutely nothing relaxing about it. I'm looking forward to getting back into a routine. I feel guilty that I should be enjoying every moment etc but truthfully it's really hard work most of the time.

DS is a preteen. it’s just the two of us here.

I can go out for a while and leave him in the house (did so this morning to do a food shop). He spends hours reading or doing Lego. Did a long complicated bake alone today. When I realised we were missing a vegetable for dinner (forgotten in this morning’s shop) he offered to go out in the rain to buy it from the corner shop.

when I was sleepy on the sofa he cuddled up. And we laugh together. It’s great.

so much easier than the early years!

I’m really trying not to wish these years away but sometimes I’m like can I have 5 mins alone please. Individually they are brilliant but together at times absolute chaos. Tonight they helped prep a roast set table etc, played well for a bit then at each other again. To be fair my almost 3 year old DS is better at following instruction and loves chores

Love this for you, can’t wait for this bit but also do enjoy their small cuddles and kisses right now.

Bizarrely my eldest is actually the emotional one compared to my toddler a lot of the time. One day he was sobbing hysterically over something and she put her hand on his shoulder and said 'it's ok, big breaths' 😂

But also when does the constant ‘mummy’ stop ?!?!?

God knows. My day starts at 6am every day when ds yells mummy from his bed over and over. I wake up and tell him not to do it in case it wakes his sister but nothing ever changes. I can't ignore him as he'd just get louder. He's a great kid overall but this is not a good way to start the day!

Also the dog and toddler can basically never be alone together so that adds a layer of complexity. Bringing my toddler to the toilet or even just upstairs with me whenever I need the toilet is a huge faff.

The two main things that change as they get older and make it easier for you are - more sleep and more time to yourself, as they get more self-sufficient. I.e they will entertain themselves, get themselves up in the morning and sort own breakfast etc. You feel more human and more able to cope with the rest!

However, all ages have challenges! As soon as puberty hits, all change. Even age 7 and up they get feistier as they assert their independence more!!

Wow, was contemplating a pet for the older 2 but maybe not now. Don’t think I need to add anything extra to my plate. I’m hoping some of these phases etc calm down by the time go back to work in summer 🤞

Three is a handful to manage if they are of an age where they can't do much independently. It will be less demanding once they can do more for themselves. The teen years bring their own problems of course but at least you should get a lie-in sometimes.

I think with more sleep and time to myself I feel like I would be able to cope some what better with challenges from older kids, I do already enjoy the better conversations I can have with my almost 5 year old DD.

No advice but I feel you- I have a 4 year old and 2 year old. I’m finding it so so tough, completely relentless- never get any proper time to myself (my dh and I do sometimes take it in turns to have “slots” to have a bit of time to ourselves but it’s not exactly relaxing when I know I only have an hour or two and I’m on a time limit” and it’s just constant fights, noise, mess and demands. My 4 year old on his own is pretty easy on the whole now as happy watching Pokémon or playing games on tablet but he does still want me to join in playing proper games I.e with toys or Pokémon figures, he doesn’t do it independently. My 2 year old is on a whole other level, Clings to me constantly, doesn’t let me do anything, so strong willed. I really don’t want to wish the time away as I love the cuteness and I know how fast it goes, but it’s hard to enjoy it when you’re constantly exhausted and burnt out.

@Lifeisrelentless Yes, it’s the constant demanding nature of it all, I absolutely love them all and 3rd baby is so wanted and loved but to think I have another 4 to 5 years before I get some what of rest just sounds tiring. I have also come to the realisation I don’t need to be super mom and be doing everything for the kids, the house maintenance, mental lists and working as well. I have made a New Year’s resolution for 2025 to outsource and hire my village to do the stuff I can’t be bothered with anymore.

Mine are 5 and 2 and it's exactly the same here. Going to work is a treat!

Gosh, 3 under 5! 😬
My two were 1 yrs apart amd those early months when trying to feed/change nappies and entertain the older one we're very hard.

It most definitely will get easier - it sounds like they are still competing for your attention in response to the new arrival. All the books say to ignore bad behaviour, and reward good behaviour with your attention. And when the baby starts walking and babbling they may find him more interesting and be happy to spend a bit of time with him themselves.

@MellersSmellers I think maybe the adjustment is still taking place, however they both really dote and love on baby. Now that he has better head control my DD loves to hold and sing to him, DS shares his blanket with baby brother that no one else is allowed, I’m hoping this continues and over the years they build a loving relationship with each other.

Mine are 15, 12 and 8. They bicker and fight plenty but they also sleep in (or go and watch tv downstairs if they wake early), wash, dress and feed themselves, do chores (often moaning but they do them!), the older two take themselves to school.

The list goes on. Much easier than the early years. I think most importantly I can go out and leave the older two and they can make plans independently of me. So I don't feel so frazzled and touched out all the time.