Underweight 3yo

[Snickers94]

Hi everyone,

My 3yo daughter is getting thinner and her bones are becoming prominent. She is a very, very picky eater and rarely seems to want food. I can count on one hand how many times she's told me she's hungry in her lifetime.

At childminders she apparently eats well. At home, she eats safe foods. She rarely eats fruit or veg at home and is now underweight and in the 1st centile. Before age 2 she was always between 25th-50th 😢 I've not been to the doctor yet, as they rarely seem to give useful advice. I get a lot of concerned comments about her weight from friends and relatives and have tried different techniques to get her to eat. They haven't really been sustainable.

Has anyone had any luck with helping their kids gain weight? TIA 🙂

Would she drink shakes? They could help give her a boost, and at least then you would know she is getting some of the extra nutrients & vitamins if she has such a limited diet.

https://www.boots.com/paediasure-shake-/paediasure-shop-all?sortBy=priceLowToHigh

You really need to see the GP and ask for a referal to a peadatric dietitian. I’m shocked that your child has fallen from the 50% to the 1st centile and you haven’t sought medical help.

What are her safe foods? Any allergies? Does she take a multivitamin?

Please don’t expect the poor child to only eat fruit and veggies when she is dangerously underweight. Take her to McDonalds buy her happy meals with kids toys inside or take her to other restaurants or wherever she shows an interest in food, keep offering her that and be proactive in finding foods that she likes. Please dear god, take the child to a doctors to also get some medical assistance on this!

try to offer crisps, chocolate, doughnuts and all of the usual no-go’s for children JUST to encourage her to eat as she is dangerously underweight and this will cause more problems than temp exposure to junk food ever could! Sending you all the best.

I'm giving her paediasure now - sorry, I should have mentioned I only measured her weight yesterday and found she is underweight. I have spoken to GP and health visitors before about her eating but I've always been palmed off.

Also, I have tried sooo much to help her with eating, it's literally the bane of my life. I don't make her eat fruit or veggies, I give them to her as part of a snack platter, I give her cheese and yoghurt and she likes to eat jacket potato, baked beans, potato waffles, fish fingers and chicken nuggets so those foods we do give her. I admit I try to limit chocolate and crisps a little but only because I've been told to do that, I've grown up with excess weight issues myself and have been overweight since I was a child.

At her childminders she eats three meals and two snacks, I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I feel like I'm failing my daughter. I always seek medical help for her but the doctors and health visitors have not been very helpful as they have a one size fits all approach that doesn't work for her. I've looked into private paeds appointments but sadly can't afford it at the moment so I will advocate for a referral tomorrow.

Have you asked the childminder what she is eating there and tried to make the same at home?

I don't understand how she's losing so much weight if she's eating 3 meals and snacks at childminders plus the food you've listed at home. Are you sure about your measurements?

At childminders she apparently eats well. At home, she eats safe foods. She rarely eats fruit or veg at home

so she can do it at the CM but tries it on at home… does she know that she gets the ‘safe food’ if she kicks up a fuss with mum who will give in but no means no at the CM?

You need an opinion from a qualified paediatrician. Please take her to your GP - I don’t understand why you haven’t?

You say she eats “safe foods” at home. What are ”safe foods”?

It's because, when we are away from home, she just doesn't eat. Other times, she will fall asleep and refuse to eat dinner. Or she will refuse to eat the things we have offered her. She does not always eat her safe foods, but she does like 80% of the time so long as we feed it to her. For breakfast she tends to have 1.5 or 2 weetabix with milk.

But then sometimes because of that she won't have lunch til super late because she's not hungry. Then will skip dinner. So I reduced her portion sizes on advice of the health visitor, but the same thing happens. It's just really hard to get it right. She refuses new foods, things like egg etc even though she loved omelettes as a baby.

Yes, I have made similar foods to her childminder at home. Things like soup and rice. But she rejected my version.

@Snickers94 I was just about to post this, I don't understand how she's lost so much weight if she's eating 3 meals a day at childcare? Also the list of foods you've said she eats at home include normal hot dinners for her age? I think you need to take her to the GP and get them to weigh and measure her.

We go out a lot to visit family etc during weekends and holidays but she doesn't really eat properly while out, she only wants to snack and won't eat meals and if I don't give her snacks she still won't eat meals.

Literally she will go to my mums and eat the tiniest amount of white rice and that's it. She is also more likely to eat with her nan than with me when at her house, or sometimes she wants her 8 year old cousin to feed her. There are loads of rules and demands she has before eating.

E.g. if she spots something out of the ordinary on her food she will reject it, like a touch of sauce or something. She has to have sprinkles in her weetabix else she won't eat it etc.

Don't reduce her portion sizes that is awful advice. Instead of weetabix, why don't you try to give her coco pops? Kids love it. Also, it would be great if you could give her some crisps and chocolate and not try to project your own childhood trauma onto her by limiting her intake of it if she is severely underweight surely that warrants giving her treats.

Also, her doll also needs to be fed. Or she HAS to watch peppa pig too and it has to be Lego duplo peppa not just regular peppa. Or if mummy is feeding her she decides actually she wants her dad or vice versa. And then she will still sometimes turn away. It's really exhausting.

She does eat crisps and chocolate probably more than other kids do! When I say limit I mean I don't give her 2 bags of crisps per day etc.

Sorry for multiple posts - she prefers weetabix to coco pops.

Yes but because she's already skinny I can't fight her on it because I know she will just refuse to eat and go hungry. This is what's happened when I've tried the usual advice of not giving in. I've literally heard her stomach rumble and she hasn't told me she is hungry or requested anything to eat. So I ditched that method a long time ago. All the advice I have followed has been what I've found on NHS/start for life/health visitors.

Have you talked to your childminder and checked that 1. She's actually eating everything on her plate (rather than picking) , 2. What are the portion sizes , 3. What are the timings of the food 3. What is the food served in/what are the circumstances during eating(is there much fuss, how is the food prepared, noisy/quiet etc.) ?

Does she feel hungry? If not, it's going to be 10 times harder to crack this. Been there , done that with a 2 yo that stopped eating, was never hungry and I had to reintroduce everything, including toast.

It’s so difficult with medical professionals some times. You really have to push hard at timea often those times are when you have little reserves.

I wouldn't be dancing around to all those demands. You're making the problem worse. Put food out and leave her to it. Make an appointment to get her weighed properly by GP or HV.

It's all very well saying "I wouldn't be doing that, JUST do "insert perfectly straightforward, logical suggestion " but @Snickers94 has stated she's tried this tact as per NHS advice and it hasn't worked and her child is now (if the latest weight and measurements are accurate) dangerously underweight.

Op it sounds like your kid is quite stressed by it all and all these demands are her desperate to get control.

One thing I'd suggest is if she doesn't eat outside the house, focus on that for a bit. Have some relaxed weekends where you maybe pop out for a bit but be at home for meals. Have picnics on the rug, a film night on the sofa, a beige buffet at the table. Icre cream sundae station in the kitchen together. Anything to get her happy about food and putting some weight on while you try to get an appointment with the GP and maybe even dietitian or something.

Call first thing Monday and don't be fobbed off.

I did that, DD didn't eat (maybe a bar if crisps , an apple and on a good day an ice cream) for two weeks. So yes there were a lot of bells and whistles, and dancing monkeys , and briberies and screen time and plenty of other shit that probably is "wrong".

Thank you to those who have been understanding about this. I've tried so much stuff, I've asked her childminder everything, her childminder isn't concerned about her because she eats everything there and sometimes asks for seconds. I have photos of her portions and of her eating her food and all looks fine to me. It's actually a huge relief when she's there as I know she will eat.

And yeah I can't just leave her to it because she won't eat. I know NHS advice is " they won't let themselves starve" but she literally will. Or she will eat a tiny snack and that's it. It's not sustainable and she will just lose more weight. Atm she's 100cm and weighs 2 stone exactly.

Has anyone successfully implemented measures to help their child gain weight, with or without docs or nutritionist support? I ask this because, a paeds referral could take months and I don't want her to get any worse while she's on a waiting list.

@BlueSilverCats
@FiveWhatByFiveWhat

I'm not saying it to be patronising or unkind. I'm suggesting that all that dancing around to demands is making mealtimes more confusing for such a young child. She's clearly feeling out of control and is trying to regain control but it's misplaced. Seeing the adults running about like headless chickens to every whim won't be helping her.

Young children are frightened deep down when they see that the adults in their lives are not in control of the situation. Jumping to every demand she makes signals that they are not in control.

I didn't advise OP to just put anything down. Stick with safe foods that she likes, but stop running about to all the ever-changing demands. And yes, book her in to be weighed again.