Underweight 3yo

[Snickers94]

Hi everyone,

My 3yo daughter is getting thinner and her bones are becoming prominent. She is a very, very picky eater and rarely seems to want food. I can count on one hand how many times she's told me she's hungry in her lifetime.

At childminders she apparently eats well. At home, she eats safe foods. She rarely eats fruit or veg at home and is now underweight and in the 1st centile. Before age 2 she was always between 25th-50th 😢 I've not been to the doctor yet, as they rarely seem to give useful advice. I get a lot of concerned comments about her weight from friends and relatives and have tried different techniques to get her to eat. They haven't really been sustainable.

Has anyone had any luck with helping their kids gain weight? TIA 🙂

But she's not letting herself starve. She's eating 3 meals and snacks with the childminder and eats well for other people.

For this reason I would suggest the issue is behavioural and compounded by adults relinquishing control to her at home. This won't be happening elsewhere- food is served and she's free to eat what she wants or leave it.

If it were ARFID or something like that she would be struggling with the same food everywhere.

I'm not suggesting you start being tough with her and forcing her to eat or anything, but I am suggesting you have a look at what behaviours are going on around food. From the adults and from your daughter.

been where you are and ds was under the hospital for many years. He was not picky at all but just had no interest in food. What you will be told is that you have to give high calorie everything. So full fat milk and cream, loads of butter, nuts. Add these to everything and make high calorie milkshakes or ice cream. She has far too many demands around food and you need yo phase these put. You eat at the table, no distractions, you eat together, there is always something on her plate you know she will eat, you limit snacks but ensure every meal she does have is high calorie everything. She is already eating more than ds did so I would see GP for anything else that could be going on.

I do think it's behavioural, but what I'm getting at is that I can't afford to be stubborn about it right now because I know she won't eat and will end up losing more weight. when she's gained enough hell yes those demands will be out the window for me but currently I don't want her to become even skinnier.

I will try to make her foods high calorie, we put butter on waffles etc and sometimes put peanut butter in her weetabix but will make more of an effort with this!

Thank you for sharing your experience. How's your son now? Did the changes to his diet help?

What will she actually eat OP? What are her safe foods?

Yes he slowly put weight on and we had great support. I never stressed about it snd kept regular healthy meals with some changes for him, so super rich mash for example. He still is not a huge eater and is a slim but very sporty 17 now. He is very tall. I think you need to reset meal times, find put via GP how under weight she is and then help her have a better relationship with food. It is positive she is eating well with the child minder so you know she can and will do this. Ds never dod this in every setting he showed no interest in food.

My 4 year old can be funny with food (disabilities and probable autism). He often wont eat if anyone else is around or if anything is different. It's a terrible habit but on his worst days he eats the most grazing throughout day with his food im his bedroom as his safe space. He won't eat or drink in other people's houses etc so I make sure he has snacks and drink for the car home. It's not ideal but I need him to eat. He can be hit or miss at nursery and is also allergic to dairy

Another 2lbs and she'd be a healthy weight. She's not massively underweight like some are suggesting...

But without her height and weight no one knows how she is actually doing. Perhaps the GP is right not to be concerned. I think your approach may well be doing far more harm than good and you're getting yourself in a tizz about a child who actually does eat relatively well: 3 meals and snacks, but knows how to control her parents at home.

My ds was (and still is at 14) underweight but very active and healthy it is just how he is built , he was under the hospital and they check to make sure no underlying health issues etc and when they are ruled out the advice is as mentioned above high calorie, carb heavy meals, pasta, cheese and potatoes are your friend and offer safe foods at every meal but a small amount of something else with no pressure to try it and keep doing this eventually they will start to try the new food. Some people my ds being one don’t attach pleasure or any emotion to food its purely fuel which can make feeding them enough difficult

There’s a paediatric dietician I follow on Instagram who you might find helpful, she has loads of advice on fussy eating and helping kids gain weight as her own son had lots of issues with this. Think it’s dieticianlottie. Think she offers private consults but there’s loads of free advice on there too, I remember her posting about giving chocolate and adding lots of butter and cream to things to boost calories in safe foods etc in the short term and loads about exposure to other foods to help in the longer term

My autistic DS went through a very skinny stage from around 4-7. He's alright now but what helped was being really consistent about always having predictable food, to the extent of taking a packed lunch with us when visiting relatives.

Eating the packed lunch in the car also seemed to help on days he hadn't had much, I think because it was low pressure, as I was driving so not watching, but also he was sat in the car seat with nothing to distract him. Though mine was a little older when I used to do this, so would depend if you are confident your kid isn't going to choke.

@Somehowgirl OP did post her measurements. She does come up as underweight.

What are her percentiles for height and weight?

Agree yore getting yourself into a tizzy and she is amping up the fussy behaviour with you because it gives her control. eats at childminder because there's non pressure or emotional attachment.

All the variety of foods you've listed sounds pretty standard for an average 3 year old to be fair

@puddingszzzz

Their result is in the
underweight range

Your child's body mass index result is shown on a chart here. A full description can be found in the text below it
2
91
The centile:*
below 2*

She's 100cms and 2 st.

@Snickers94 it was 35 odd years ago now but I had feeding issues as a baby and young toddler which put me very underweight for years.

My mum had to keep a feeding diary logging the calories I'd had each day etc.

Gold top milk with cereal, white sauce on my veg, happy meals etc. But this is different as my issues were physical whereas your daughter's appear to be "behavioural" for want of a better phrase.

I am getting myself in a tizzy because it's really stressful, I don't think any mum would find it not stressful having an underweight child. Seeing her ribs protruding is not a nice feeling at all and I face a lot of judgement from others despite really trying.

Also she's exactly 3 and a half.

Look into going private if you aren't getting much luck with the NHS, it may well not be as expensive as you think.

Food wise I'd be focusing on high calorie nutrition so peanut butter and apple slices etc, ground flax stirred into everything.

Look into ARFID.

Get her tested for allergy's and intolerances, there were studies done that showed some young children naturally avoided the foodstuffs they were allergic to even though the allergy wasn't identified until later.

She is playing you like a violin.

Get the CM to up her food intake with her and don’t pander to her.

Just let her eat what she wants... no harm done .veg and fruit are great but she needs to gain some weight with good fats,protein, and carbs.

This sounds really extreme Op, I'd be really stressed as well. DS was a terrible eater when he was young. It sounds awful but I had to pretty much force him to take the first mouthful of anything - he'd then happily eat the rest of it - but for some reason he would completely refuse to eat the first spoonful, even of something I knew he really liked. He was huge at birth (over 9lb) and dropped right down the percentiles. He's still very skinny now as an adult but a very good eater and not fussy at all. He was diagnosed with ASD just before secondary school.

I'd be wondering about possible ASD and/or ARFID but I can completely understand you being stressed out by the whole situation.

Thank you - I have looked into ARFID but because she eats with her childminder I don't think it's that.

In terms of autism, she doesn't have any of the other symptoms or red flags, has always hit milestones etc and is doing really well developmentally in social/emotional terms. Physically she's quite risk averse though.

Jheeze she's a 3 year old girl not some evil mastermind 😂

My son was underweight the majority of his childhood, sitting on the 1-2 percentile. That was just him and we couldn’t get him to eat any more. He looked a lot slimmer than others but not all of them were a healthy weight either!

Higher calorie food is important but also you said you will cut back on the the ‘rules’ etc once she is in a healthy weight range but have you thought you are making it harder to achieve by dancing to her tune all the time. Your current tactic isn’t working.

If eating away from home is too hard at the moment,then stay home a bit more for meal times. Make them relaxed (easier said than done), all sitting up, no TV/distractions and if she eats she eats.

Get the recipes from the childminder and cook them together, maybe the childminder could pass on her secrets and your daughter could then teach you. Is there a current cooking show on CBeebies you could watch together and then try out the recipes?