OTT or is it ok to leave 4 month old for a few hours at night?

[Hlijd]

DC2 is 4 months and is a much better sleeper than DC1 ever was. This means we can put him down in his moses basket at the start of the night and he'll reliably sleep for a few hours, giving us some time to ourselves in the evening.

I'm very, very anxious about sids. I always have been. DC1 slept with us until he was 6 months and never slept unsupervised.

DC2 is still in with us but I'm considering setting the video monitor up so we can have some time together downstairs for the first few hours of his sleep at night. This directly contradicts the SIDS advice of never leaving baby alone to sleep until 6 months.

I feel like I'm being really ott about the whole thing and that a few hours in the evening with a video monitor is fine. I could really use the downtime.

I've considered having him sleep downstairs with us for the first few hours but the lighting and noise really disturbs him.

I suppose I'm just looking for confirmation that others have done the same thing and I'm not a terrible mother.

Nope- they regulate their breathing with yours. Just leave in Moses basket in room with you.

We put both ours to bed in their Moses basket in our bedroom around 7ish. Turned on the baby monitor and watched tv downstairs. Baby left alone (with adults awake in the house and monitoring) for a few hrs tops. Then we slept in the same room.

for the first 1-3 months this part of the evening was in the Moses basket downstairs with us, then DH would carry it all up when I went to bed after the 10pm feed.

I don’t think you need to sit with them at all
tines they are asleep at 4 months old. What do you do during daytime naps?

As you say, you are very, very anxious about SIDS then for the sake of another month or two then why not just wait until she’s 6 months? You probably won’t be able to relax anyway.

I have done quite a bit of a deep dive into this, and the research focuses on bed sharing, not room sharing. There's no evidence to suggest a parent's breathing has any effect if in a different bed. Common misconception it seems

For daytime naps he's usually sleeping in his little bassinet downstairs, in the same room as us. He doesn't nap for long because of the noise and light, which is why at night he definitely needs to be upstairs in his bed!

I personally did this from about 4 months, and just went to check on her every 15 mins. The chance of true SIDS (not a situation where baby had asphyxiated) is incredibly low. Particularly as I had a fully breastfed girl.

I personally needed a couple of hours in the evening for my well-being.y baby wouldn't have slept downstairs with the TV on and all the lights. I felt the risk to my well being outweighed the risk to baby.

You can't we with them constantly when they nap. I presume people also put them down for a nap, then go and hoover, etc.

Its 20 years since I had newborns so I may be out of touch, but I’d think even with baby in your room you go to sleep, so you can’t have eyes on them at all times. If you have a monitor and maybe pop in when you go to the loo, I think it sounds ok.

If you are very anxious about SIDS, I think you will just unnecessarily worry. Even if 100 posters said they did this, I would still worry about being the one that the worst might happen to. My 8month old still sleeps in our room (terrible sleeper since the 6month regression - unlike her elder sister who was pretty good), but we have a tv in the bedroom, she goes in the cot around 7.30pm and I just chill out upstairs watching tv. Yes it's not the same as being downstairs, but it's still time not holding a child and for the sake of two months, your mind would rest much easier.

The downtime you said will benefit you. Pop the video monitor on and keep an eye. Baby will move and you may be able to hear her breathing on there. Or, pop up every 15 / 30 minutes? I did this with my baby when she was about 8 weeks old. I have 3 and needed an hour to relax where no one needed me and I was much happier for it.

You could set something up to keep the light away from the Moses basket.
Im not sure why the NHS recommends being in the same room for all naps, if this is only connected to bed sharing? Since they don't recommend that. I'm not sure I would like to risk that my interpretation of the data was correct.

Hang on am I reading right that you should never leave your baby alone to sleep for even an hour or two?! This is insanity. DC2 was on our room until they were well over 1 but once they started sleeping in the evenings we’d put the baby monitor on and come downstairs for a couple of hours?? We’d usually check on them every hour but holy moly you need some time to yourselves in the evening. Sorry if I’ve read this wrong OP but I’m quite shocked at some of the responses saying you should never let them sleep alone even with a baby monitor and an adult awake in the house!

Just to add I was a very anxious parent when DC’s were babies but it never crossed my mind that they could not be left alone for an hour or two in the evening with a baby monitor and regular checking!

This is the Lullaby Trust latest guidance:
https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/safer-sleep-basics/room-sharing/

To reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) the safest place for a baby to sleep is in their own clear, flat, separate sleep space, such as a cot or Moses basket, and let baby sleep in the same room as you.

Babies should always be in the same room as you for the first six months for sleep, day and night. This doesn’t mean you can’t leave the room to make a cup of tea or go to the toilet, but for most of the time when they are sleeping they are safest if you are close by.

There are no devices on the market that will substitute a parent or carer being in the same room as baby for safer sleep.

We personally did this from about 3 months. She clearly wanted to go to sleep for the night around 7/8 and wouldn't settle downstairs (light, noise etc). All other risk factors for SIDS were low so we agreed it was a decision we felt comfortable with. We usually go up to bed around 9/9.30 so it was only 1-2 hours and I felt much better for having that brief window of time alone. I think it's helpful to be aware of the risks and the guidance, and make an informed decision you're comfortable with. That will be different for different people.

You can get monitors to check baby is breathing. It’s a mat under the basket/cot mattress. Might be worth the cost for your piece of mind.

The risk of SIDs in a healthy full term baby sleeping on their back in their own Moses basket is staggeringly low. Equally peak Sid’s time is 2-4 months. Your baby is at a negligible risk if you leave them for a few hours. Almost all SIDS deaths happen in unsafe bed and especially sofa sharing situations.

thete are studies that suggest babies who sleep with parents and are around noise don’t go into such a deep sleep which can help trigger breathing.

honestly the risk is so tiny,

Current recommendation is when they are asleep you base yourself in the room with them for the first 6 months. I agree, it does seem a bit extreme but the OP is correct that this is the guidance.

Goodness. Thanks for the link to this. I’m sure this wasn’t the advice when I had my kids and this was only a few years ago? I find this advice quite shocking in its own way really and would have found it incredibly anxiety inducing when I had DC1. I was never able to sleep at night during their first few months even when they were asleep for fear of SIDS but when they did have a bit of evening sleep it allowed me to gather my sanity a bit.

I wouldn’t do it and kept mine with us till we went to bed till they were over 6 months. It’s the blink of an eye in your life.

Dc are 24 & 20 now. They were asleep in their own bedroom in a cot by 2 months.

This for me. My child refused to sleep in the moses basket so it was either go to bed at the same time as the baby, or use the monitor for me.

My eldest is nearly 6 and it was the advice when we had her and I don’t know how long before.

I found their noises kept me awake and sleep is sooooo important as a parent. Didn’t even have a monitor. Blissfully ignorant it seems.

Crikey. DS is 7 and slept with us at night for a long time, but I totally missed this guidance if it was in place when he was born. We used a monitor and went downstairs for a while in the evenings, just as we had with DD15.

I've had 3 kids and this is the first I've heard you can't leave them for 2 hours in the evening with a monitor. All mine were put down at about 10 weeks for an hour or two before I came to bed. Room shared through the night until 6 months as recommended.