OTT or is it ok to leave 4 month old for a few hours at night?

[Hlijd]

DC2 is 4 months and is a much better sleeper than DC1 ever was. This means we can put him down in his moses basket at the start of the night and he'll reliably sleep for a few hours, giving us some time to ourselves in the evening.

I'm very, very anxious about sids. I always have been. DC1 slept with us until he was 6 months and never slept unsupervised.

DC2 is still in with us but I'm considering setting the video monitor up so we can have some time together downstairs for the first few hours of his sleep at night. This directly contradicts the SIDS advice of never leaving baby alone to sleep until 6 months.

I feel like I'm being really ott about the whole thing and that a few hours in the evening with a video monitor is fine. I could really use the downtime.

I've considered having him sleep downstairs with us for the first few hours but the lighting and noise really disturbs him.

I suppose I'm just looking for confirmation that others have done the same thing and I'm not a terrible mother.

Guidance is same room for 6 months, I’ve stuck to that. It’s such a short amount of time in your life, you get your evening back but you can never get your baby back should the worst happen. The guidance is there for a reason, it’s still not fool proof but every little thing you can do is worth doing for that short amount of time.

I religiously kept to this when DS was a baby, although part of that was because I was tired 😴 and happy to go to bed when he did!

With DD, she came downstairs with us but at a similar age, the four month mark, it disturbed her, so she had an hour or so upstairs and to be honest we didn’t even have monitor. I think it’s fine, it’s a negligible risk, it really is.

I think that the problem is that NO organisation will say its fine to leave the baby alone earlier as the repercussions of someone following their advice and the baby dies would be horrendous.

It's been the advice since I was in medical school in around 2010 doing my paeds block

Dispute the above poster saying nearly all sids are related to unsafe sleeping conditions. Those deaths by definition are lacking the key unexplained aspect of the definition

SIDS is very rare, though. According to the lullaby trust, it would seem the biggest risk factor is to be a young parent - the risk factor is highest in mothers aged under twenty. I imagine it’s lifestyle factors that come into that. Boys are more at risk than girls, and babies at a low birth weight and parents who smoke. When you take all these out, a baby on her back for a couple of hours in the evening is so, so unlikely to die from SIDS I don’t really think I’d even register it as something to worry about to be honest.

We followed the SIDS guidance to the letter, kept both of ours downstairs with us until at least 6 months. Wasn't worth the risk for a few hours of alone time in the evening. It's only a few more months

The NHS has to promote “one size fits all “ messages because health messaging needs to be clear and concise. The putting to sleep on their back in their own cot or crib ,avoiding co sleeping and avoiding drinking or smoking as a parent are by far the most important factors in reducing SIDS.

We put ours down at 7pm in the room alone from about 10 weeks old and used a baby monitor, then went in later to go to bed. Room shared till 6 months plus. Naps in cot as well from about 6 weeks unless a contact nap or in buggy. I'd never be able to shower or cook or generally live otherwise. It's also ludicrous to think any baby other than a first born can sleep downstairs for naps with toddlers crashing around. My DS2 is a light sleeper and from about 6 weeks would wake up from DS1s noise. Imo his sleep is very important for his health so I put him to nap in a quiet room.

No they don't.

I put mine to bed at around 4 months, he had far outgrown bassinet / Moses & slept better in cot anyway. I would potter in and out while tidying up and doing my nighttime routine so he was checked on regularly. Same for daytime naps.

Haven’t read all the posts but if you’re super anxious about SIDS then could you get an owlet sock or something to give you reassurance? They do a monitor too so could buy both together.

Emily Oster - has a good chapter on this in her book Cribsheet, her view based on the studies and data available is “The choice of sharing a room, or even sharing a bed, does not seem to affect SIDS risk after three or four months, at least for parents who are nonsmokers.” - 90% of SIDS deaths occur in first four months so as long as you don’t have any other risk factors then I’d feel very comfortable moving baby to own room from 4 months. We put ours to bed at 7pm on her own from about 8 weeks (in our bedroom) and a friend moved her baby to his own room completely from 6 weeks. But always the owlet or similar to fall back on if you’re worried.

I would, based on the extremely low risk, I just used to put mine to bed in our room and pop up every 20 mins or so and spend a few minutes near them. Like others have said, guidance needs to be clear but the likelihood of SIDS in a 4 month old with no other risk factors is vanishingly unlikely.

Quite

However if it’s really worrying you, have them downstairs, in the next room, the light off in there but door open, and you fairly close to the door -

They'll be fine

Thanks for the responses everyone. Interesting to see how much the opinions differ. Some posters are firmly against leaving them for even an hour, others are more flexible.

We'll see how we go for a few evenings of monitor watching. If I get too anxious, I'll just retire upstairs much earlier in the night going forward.

The advice posted about not being alone for all sleeps was in place when I had my last dc, 12 1/2 years ago.

They'll be fine, unless they're not. You cannot possibly know the OP's baby will be fine. That's the problem!

I thought you were going to say go out for the evening for dinner.
To go downstairs in your home… yes absolutely. I always used baby monitors.

It wasn't the recommendation when I had my kids 21 and 19 years ago to have them in with you. My babies slept in their own rooms from the first night home. We had a monitor. I breastfed both and would go in before I went to bed for a sleepy feed and they would wake up one other time during the night for a feed, though I think I dropped one of the feeds at four months or so.
Today I'd do the same. A recommendation is just that. My babies were big and healthy and fed well and rarely got sick. As you have an anxiety about it maybe you should just persevere for a couple more months - but to be honest even the families I know who have babies in their room do not retire at 7.30 when they put their babies to bed!! They go back down for the evening.

Mine was in her own room from 3 months, by which time she needed to sleep without us disturbing each other and had outgrown the moses basket. We're non-smokers, I rarely drink, she was exclusively breastfed and in good health, so for us, getting into a good sleep routine was the best thing to do. Once we were all sleeping, I coped a little better and was a better parent overall.

Do you have a breathing monitor sensor mat? We always did with our two and it was incredibly reassuring....it made a ticking sound or you could switch that off.Trouble is with a video if you're not sitting constantly watching it it doesn't actually give much reassaurance or prevent any potential issues.

Definitely not.

@mondaytosunday the recommendation for them to be in your room at night was around then as have similar aged DC.

When you think about it if the guidance is to be in the same room as you at night it makes sense for them to be in the same room as you whenever they are asleep

Also most baby monitors let you know when baby is making a noise, and people react to that, not when baby doesn’t make a noise

Surely being downstairs watching/listening on a monitor is more involved than being asleep next to them?

OP we bought this when our boy was a few months old - https://babysensemonitors.co.uk/products/babysense-7-safe-sleep-breathing-irregularity-baby-monitor?variant=51634554372466&country=GB&currency=GBP&utmsource=googleeads&utmmedium=21218018056&utmmcampaign=21218018056&utmcontent=deviceem&utmterm=kk&twsource=google&twwadid=&twcampaign=21218018056&twwsource=google&twadid=&twwcampaign=21218018056&gadsource=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAmrS7BhBJEiwAei59i04ppeVQwSNdiGtQ9FmNqXMvBy7wdlVawICaPbAfnlMtcEHJlLgvShoCEsQAvDD_BwE

It's been an absolute lifesaver, I was terrified about sids and this elevated my anxiety to no end! An alarm goes off if it detects no breathing. My son is 13 months old and still has it in his cot and when our second arrives next year she'll have the same one too!