6 weeks in with DD2 and no sleep

[ExhaustedBeyondBelief22]

I think I've hit breaking point with my second baby - we are 6 weeks in and the nights have just gotten worse and worse. She just will not sleep unless being fed (EBF) and then nodding off on me or after being bounced on the birth ball. She'll only then remain asleep if being held by me or DH. She could be in the deepest of sleeps but as soon as we put her down in to her bed she starts flailing her arms, grunting and within two minutes she's screaming the house down and the whole cycle starts again. The longest stretch she's done is about 45 mins and that was a one off about two weeks ago!!

She's currently having infant gaviscon for reflux but it doesn't seem to be working if the screaming is anything to go by. But strangely she'll sleep lay flat in her pram during the day - as long as we walk her first. If I try and pop her down though in her bed though she just loses it. The only thing that really settles her is going on the breast, she comfort feeds constantly and I find it hard to know when she's feeding out of hunger and when it's comfort/exhaustion that's driving the feed!

We've tried everything to get her to accept her bed - nothing has worked. We'll be going back to the GP and I know they're going to suggest omeprazole next - but part of me wonders if it's CMPA. My eldest daughter had it (now 3.5 years old and nearly on the final step of the milk ladder). But DD2 hasn't shown any other symptoms other than her reflux. I'm nervous to jump the gun and cut dairy in case it's something else.

All I know is I don't think DH (he does his fair share and is being impacted just as much as me) and I can take many more nights like this. It's now 5:30am and I think I've had a total of 45mins sleep. My mental health is suffering, I cry all the time and feel completely spaced out and sick. We are both at breaking point and I feel awful on my toddler who now has two completely exhausted and frazzled parents.

Just to add - we've tried co-sleeping but she still won't settle as she wants to be physically held or on one of us.

It was never this hard with DD1 even when her CMPA was at its peak! Has anybody been through these hellish nights? When will it get better?!

You have my sympathy - it's hard! My 6 wk old ds is similar, he will sleep during the day on his back sometimes but at night it's all grunting and flailing. We co-sleep and I end up a lot of the time with him on his side with his head on my arm and my arm round him which seems to satisfy the being held sensation. It's not ideal but it does get us both some sleep. I'm hoping things will improve once we get out of the reflux stage as he also spends half the night being sick at the moment.

Lack of sleep literally stops me veing able to think.

suggestions:

• private allergy test and gastro paediatric specialist is £300-400
• Be v careful with omrazeprole. They dont mention it can cause longer term health problems. Id really use as last resort.
• Love2dream swaddles and cellular blankets. Practice not holding her in the day.
• Dummies.

You need to divide and conquer. If you are doing nights can you express so you can sleep 7/8 - midnight (use earplugs) and dh downstairs with baby then swap? Or would you consider combi feeding.

We used a sleepyhead type thing on our bed which i slept next to which worked well for us it was a purflo one thats a mesh type fabric as it felt cosy and dd wanted to be touched allll the time.

Sending solidarity!! It's strange isn't it, it baffles me how she can lie flat in the day but come night time she becomes a raging monster 🙈. Our DD is the same - she'll bring a lot up but also it's a lot of silent reflux as can hear her swallowing/coughing/sneezing. Is your DS very congested too? Our DD is so congested come night time as a result of the reflux. It's awful, definitely feels like torture at the moment. Just so desperate for some sleep. I find co-sleeping very difficult as I just can't make myself relax, so paranoid of something happening. Also she still doesn't really settle even when we try it! You have my sympathies, hope it passes for us both soon!

The thing that seems to have made a difference to us over the last three nights is putting our daughter in a love to dream sleeping bag which is the position with her hands up. After multiple nights of incredibly broken sleep, she’s now doing 4.5 hours. One night she was sick on it so I had to revert to a normal sleeping bag and she was waking up every few minutes again - I had my hand on her and felt her startle over and over again which I think was the cause.

Who knows if it’s actually helped but I don’t think it’s hindered!

Sadly we couldn't afford a private allergy test. My plan is to cut dairy out after Christmas and see if things improve - I'll have my answer then! We bought a Love2Dream swaddle which was sadly a huge waste of money as she HATED it and went ballistic every night and we eventually just took her out of it. Dummies we've tried, and we're still trying, but she just spits them out and gets more and more frustrated with it. I am the dummy sadly!!! I do express and my husband gives her a bottle of expressed milk but I think it's the comfort of being on me and feeding that she seeks. It seems to be the only thing that really soothes her when she's having an acid flare up.

I agree with you on the omeprazole front - we were prescribed it with my first born and it made her 10 x worse! That's when I trialled cutting dairy and she was fine within two weeks - I don't really even want DD2 on gaviscon but we are so desperate and can't carry on the way we are.

It really sounds like you're having a very tough time and parts of it reminded me of my experience with my DS who has reflux. He was initially on Gaviscon and then moved onto Oneprqzole, but I had to beg for this and the GP put him on a too low of a dose but eventually he was put on the correct dose and it made an enormous difference within days. Numerous paediatricians have now told me that they never prescribe Gaviscon to babies as it only works in about 1/1000 babies and causes terrible constipation. Go to the GP and ask to try the Omeprazole, they don't like prescribing it because in the liquid form because it's super expensive, but you can get the dispersible tables and mix them with a couple of mls of water then use an Enfit ENT syringe to administer like you would a normal medicine syringe, as they have a wide nozzle so the tablet doesn't get stuck. Hopefully your baby would feel the benefit in two weeks of the Omeprazole and if there hasn't been a significant improvement then I try cutting out dairy. I cut out dairy and started Omeprazole at the same time but then obviously didn't know which worked, but months later I tried dairy and it didn't effective. Things will get easier and you're doing a brilliant job, looking after upset and poorly babies is really hard

Our DD hated the Love2Dream swaddle - she seemed to get even more frustrated and was thrashing about trying to chew her hands. We tried for a few nights in a row but eventually gave up! She's a tricky one!!

Thank you ❤️ honestly feel like I'm massively failing at the moment. I can't cope with the screaming, so much night time dread. As soon as it hits 7/8pm I just get so anxious as I know we're in for another horrific night!! I think I'm going to trial cutting dairy first and then request omeprazole. That's interesting about the gaviscon but matches what we're seeing - it hasn't made any difference at all.

Hey 👋 it does get better, my DD is nearly 1 ebf and will now sleep for about 2 hours (not great but alot better), we still get the odd night when she reverts back to every 10-40 mins (last night was not a good night) for the first 12 weeks she was actually a good sleeper 7-8 hours, but since her second lot of vaccines she has been terrible, i think being poorly after the vaccines made her reliant on breast to help her sleep/comfort and its created a habit, i am going to attempt to break the feed to sleep association after Christmas and first birthday, wish me luck lol xx

Oh I'm so jealous! We've never had longer than 40mins - and that was a one off!! It's always 10mins maximum before she's screaming 🙈 god help us when she has her vaccines - she's already awful!!! Best of luck!!

It’s really hard but unfortunately can just be a normal part of being a newborn. My dd was like this and didn’t have any health issues, she just wanted to be held. It carries on until she was 12 weeks then suddenly she started accepting her crib for short period of sleep which then got longer over time until eventually she was sleeping a whole night in there. We did shifts so we each got a few decent hours sleep a night, can you do that?

My LO was the same at that age.

He also had reflux and we used probiotics drops (bigaia).
It helped a bit, but I ended up co sleeping with him (pediatrician advice, we followed safe sleep set up).

So we co slept at night and I had to either carry him in baby carrier or he slept in my arms until he was about 7 months old. Then his reflux got much better and he started to nap and sleep for a few hours stretches on his own (he would still need to be breastfed to sleep though).

He is now 18 months old and I still co sleep with him, but it's much better and he also naps alone.

We did have a period where he only wanted to sleep on us. We took turns so we could both get some sleep. Is this an option for you?

It slow going but it will slowly build back up, i think i had couple months of every 10mins then couple months every 40 mins up until now where she will sleep for about 2 hours taken about 7-8 months to get here.
you said she sleeps well in the day is it possible her day/night has swapped on you? Maybe try keep her more active/wakeful in the day? I know easier said than done when you’re so tired and they finally sleep you don’t want to keep them awake or wake them but just a suggestion xx

Its hellish. Only just emerging from this with our second, using a swaddle bag was our only means of survival, she refused a dummy despite all my efforts, the bouncing was never ending, used cellular blankets to swaddle for daytime naps then she would sometimes settle on a pillow if she was tightly rolled up so I could give my back a break (never unsupervised). Apart from that it was basically lots of carrier naps, some pram ones. I have never eaten more chocolate in my life. We tried to share/split nights but also juggling with three year old wake ups.

Its still a shit show but it does change, we get some two hour stretches now at night and naps are easier. Hang in there!!

I have also massively struggled with the screaming this time. Headphones, ear plugs, loud humming, singing, have tried it all. It has now eased up thank god. Worst was 3-4 months for sure, two hours plus screaming every night before bed. I was losing my mind.

My daughter was the same.

We had to co sleep! She's now 14 months and does 2 hr stretches

We coslept safely at this stage. It was not by choice but necessity.
Will get you the safe cosleep guidelines.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

I would go ahead and cut the dairy now and see if that helps. If not you haven’t lost anything, but it sounds like it could be the solution for you.

I hope things improve for you soon, I also had a refluxy baby and it is so, so hard ♥️

Will she take a dummy? At the beginning, my youngest would only settle with a dummy, in a moses basket placed in his next2me cot. I also rolled a small towel up and placed it in a "u" shape around his legs to make it more snug (but made sure it didn't come up as far as his face). This worked for us after all else failed, so may be worth a shot!

Thank you so much for all your replies - the solidarity really helps!! I'm struggling to reply to individual comments but so far we have tried:

• a hot water bottle to warm the bed before putting her down
• swaddling (both with a blanket and using the Love2Dream swaddle) which she hated
• Tilting the bassinet at one end
• a towel as a buffer around her legs
• using our t-shirts as a bedsheet to smell of us
• dummies (she refuses them every time)
• co-sleeping, this doesn't really happen as she won't settle and still gets upset
• she is pretty active in the day, I've noticed these last few days she's much more alert and is starting to chatter and smile!
• making sure we get out every day for a walk
• white noise machine
• low lights and voices in the lead up to bedtime

It really feels like we're doing all we can but none of its working 😫. I think it'll be dairy until Christmas (this might be selfish but I really want some Christmas cheeseboard!!) and then we'll trial dairy free and see if that helps her 🙏🏼

In all honesty the only thing that ever seems to settle her or bring her comfort is breastfeeding!

Are you able to feed lying on your side and with DD lying on her side too, facing you? I found my son would feed then nod off, at which point I gently rolled him back onto his back while I went into the C curl. We both would get a bit of sleep that way.

Yes to the congestion! I thought he had a cold initially but he's just blowing milk out of his nose etc

Not a great night last night as I now have blocked ducts on my one functioning boob, hope you've managed to get some sleep!