6 weeks in with DD2 and no sleep

[ExhaustedBeyondBelief22]

I think I've hit breaking point with my second baby - we are 6 weeks in and the nights have just gotten worse and worse. She just will not sleep unless being fed (EBF) and then nodding off on me or after being bounced on the birth ball. She'll only then remain asleep if being held by me or DH. She could be in the deepest of sleeps but as soon as we put her down in to her bed she starts flailing her arms, grunting and within two minutes she's screaming the house down and the whole cycle starts again. The longest stretch she's done is about 45 mins and that was a one off about two weeks ago!!

She's currently having infant gaviscon for reflux but it doesn't seem to be working if the screaming is anything to go by. But strangely she'll sleep lay flat in her pram during the day - as long as we walk her first. If I try and pop her down though in her bed though she just loses it. The only thing that really settles her is going on the breast, she comfort feeds constantly and I find it hard to know when she's feeding out of hunger and when it's comfort/exhaustion that's driving the feed!

We've tried everything to get her to accept her bed - nothing has worked. We'll be going back to the GP and I know they're going to suggest omeprazole next - but part of me wonders if it's CMPA. My eldest daughter had it (now 3.5 years old and nearly on the final step of the milk ladder). But DD2 hasn't shown any other symptoms other than her reflux. I'm nervous to jump the gun and cut dairy in case it's something else.

All I know is I don't think DH (he does his fair share and is being impacted just as much as me) and I can take many more nights like this. It's now 5:30am and I think I've had a total of 45mins sleep. My mental health is suffering, I cry all the time and feel completely spaced out and sick. We are both at breaking point and I feel awful on my toddler who now has two completely exhausted and frazzled parents.

Just to add - we've tried co-sleeping but she still won't settle as she wants to be physically held or on one of us.

It was never this hard with DD1 even when her CMPA was at its peak! Has anybody been through these hellish nights? When will it get better?!

@DaveWatts same here 🙈 another awful night. Just ended up with her on me all night on and off the boob - but like you said, she's so congested it's hard for her to feed effectively! I was so engorged yesterday because she just wasn't draining them well. Sending all the caffeine in the world today!

@cbblanket I do try side feeding, I used to do it a lot with my eldest too. My DD2 seems to struggle, and my boobs are quite big so I find it tricky at the moment to get the angle right! I think when she's a bit older I'll be able to do it a bit better 🤞🏼

Another night of constant screaming unless on the boob 😭 DH has been bouncing and rocking her for over an hour. She just won't settle unless feeding 😫

I know you are reluctant to try omeprazole but this was us a few weeks ago, literally all the same struggles and nightmare symptoms! The change in DS since starting the omeprazole has been amazing and helped me massively as I have PND and the lack of sleep and inability to console DS was definitely making things worse. He now feeds just once or twice a night and goes back down flat on his back easily each time.
Hope you can get a resolution soon and can begin to catch up on some sleep!

Ah @ExhaustedBeyondBelief22 that sounds so hard. I think it's probably worth exploring new medication options as she is so unhappy - especially with an older dc to look after, there's only so long you can keep going for without sleep.

I felt like death last night, think dd may have passed on some sort of school bug to all of us which is great as ds is now so bubbly and snotty he sounds like he's underwater. Have still managed slightly more sleep than yesterday so far though 🙌

Controversial, but I threw money at the problem and bought a second hand Snoo.
I have Multiple Sclerosis and the fatigue was an absolute killer and I was terrified of a relapse or flair.
It was £600 but the best money I've ever spent to be honest. Within a couple of nights we were getting 3hr stretches and by 8 weeks 6hr stretches IIRC. She's still let you know when she was truly hungry or uncomfortable but, she just loved the constant movement, it really soothed her.
We bought the raisers for one end so she was slightly elevated.
I thought we'd pay for it when trying to transition to the cot but she was a dream to be fair.

We tried snoo and it didn't work for us :(
Not saying it will not work for most babies!
But the only thing that my LO wanted was closeness and boob.

My DC1 was like this. But possibly not quite as bad, he woke every 38 minutes on the dot til about 5 months.
I wish I’d stopped eating egg (breastfeeding ) and dairy as this was upsetting his tummy.
DC2 was a normal baby and woke every 2-3 hours.
DC3 we shall see….

it sounds awful
OP but it won’t be forever. It will end I promise

Is she just hungry?

I assume she's growing and doing all the things she could be. Have you thought about some formula in the evenings to see if it helps settle her, I know you said you are worried about reflux and diary but you can get different types.

Just so you can maybe get some sleep, mixed feeding was my saviour when I was in the thick of it like you.

I’m actually breaking out in a cold sweat remembering all the nights of bugger all sleep, wriggly/squirming babies and constant breast feeding.

We tried everything available (my eldest is now nearly 16 so lots of these things weren’t around then). It was like it with both boys.

I have the upmost sympathy. I remember the (totally unreasonable) death stares I used to give friends whose babies slept for more than 45 mins. They used to say “oh I know, it’s so hard. My baby will only sleep for 3 hours at a time”. Ooooh I got the rage.

So, enough of the traumatic flashbacks. Can I offer anything else?

We had to take it in turns. It sounds so obvious but we had to have a strict regime of 2 hours on, 2 hours off. I went to bed early, with ear plugs. DH picked a box set and watched with our nocturnal child being held, sometimes in a wrap sling, lying out in case he fell asleep (which he never did, he found a good box set).

Also, I’m sorry for the really obvious advice, but we winded them vigorously. A combination of a them having colds and comfort feeding, meant there was a lot of air getting into their tiny stomach, while feeding. We bounced on the ball and winded them until some air came out, sometimes it would take AGES. It wasn’t reflux or an allergy just horrendous trapped wind. It was no magic bullet but it stretched out.

Co sleeping. I became the queen. I lay on my left, very little blankets for me, only on my legs. I lay on the far left of the pillow. No pillows anywhere near them. My arm curved around the soles of their feet. We lay in the middle of the bed, DH perched on bed behind me, clinging on for dear life but refusing to move beds, i have no idea why. I still have a slightly larger left boob, but my god it was worth it. (Sorry for the Christmas blaspheming but I think the retro-trauma has been stirred up.)

These are definitely things you have tried and I’m sorry I can’t think of anything else. I will just say. This too shall pass. Both DS’ did it, I can’t remember how long for and I thought it would never ever end. They are now 15 and 12, nearly men (but in so many ways just like little kids). Right now they are still asleep. One of them (the worst infant sleeper of the two) will sleep until I wake him up.

Good luck.

Oh, and ignore everyone’s “helpful” advice IRL. My batshit crazy mother in law recommended a small
drop of whisky in some water 🫣. I nodded and smiled (and gazed at my husband wondering how he survived).

I had this with one of mine and it turned out she was tounge tied, have you tried a bottle ?

I think you might have answered your own question here. I'm guessing the reason she won't lie flat at night is because that's when she's at her most congested so she can't breathe on her back. That's certainly my experience as an adult when I'm very stuffed up with a cold!

We have had her checked for tongue tie and all is clear - they couldn't see anything. She will take a bottle of expressed milk from my husband but I think at night it's comfort feeding - being on the breast is the only thing that really soothes and settles her

Oh yes, had a lot of very well meaning advice that we've just had to let go in one ear and out the other 🙈

Thank you for sharing your experiences, and it's good to know they sleep eventually!!! My DH and I keep joking saying when our two girls are teens we'll be waking them up at 6am every weekend as payback for all the endless sleepless nights 🤣.

Oh yes I remember the baby groups I'd go to with my eldest after she'd screamed all night and they'd all be moaning about their babies waking them once or twice - that would've been the dream for us!!

Thank you for the solidarity! Have a lovely Christmas!

I'm pretty certain it's not hunger, it feels more like comfort - her reflux is obviously quite painful for her and feeding seems to soothe her (although it's a vicious cycle as she is then refluxy as soon as she's flat)

This is my girl, we have tried absolutely everything - and I don't want people to think I'm ignoring their advice but everything that's been shared here we have tried! She just wants contact and boob! I'm trying to take it as a compliment 🤣

I know you're probably right I just feel nervous about it as when my eldest had omeprazole it made her even worse - I still get triggered by any videos of that time where I can hear her screaming! I have so much guilt around it.

I think that's why part of me wants to trial cutting dairy first as that's what the issue was with DS1

I know you're probably right 😞 just nervous to trial the omeprazole after it made my DD1s reflux so much worse. It was awful!

Oh no!! We've all woken up full of colds today too - just in time for Christmas!! Here's hoping we're all better for the big day 🙏🏼. Thank you for your replies - it brings comfort knowing I'm not alone!!

I just want to thank everyone who has responded to this - I've been in a dark place these last couple of weeks out of sheer exhaustion and it means so much to know I'm not alone/there is an end in sight! Even though I've experienced this sleep deprivation with my eldest daughter, DD2 has somehow surpassed her big sister on the no sleep front (something I never would've thought possible)! I don't want anybody to think I'm ignoring or rejecting your advice - unfortunately though I have tried all the suggestions with no luck, but we persevere and keep trying!! I think it really is a matter of her growing more (although she's a chunky 12lbs at 6 weeks old!!) and exploring other options of medication/potential allergy.

Have wonderful, restful Christmases everyone!