I’m broken my 6month old is up every hour:(

[Tinydancer35]

My baby was ok sleeper until she turned 4 months and since then she is up every hour. I can no longer function and can’t be the parent she deserves. I feel so guilty, I struggle to play, interact and I have no energy to leave the house.

Anyways, it’s been going for two months now and it doesn’t look like anything is getting better, in fact it looks like it’s getting worse.
I know the issue is that she can’t independently fall asleep and is breastfed to sleep at the moment.

What do I do? I have reached out to HV but they couldn’t care less about the sleep issues and I’ve been told that NHS doesn’t support sleep training.

Can anyone please share some tips or positive stories? I’ve never left so desperate and low in my life.

My baby was the same. From 4 month sleep was a nightmare but has gradually got better. Are you co sleeping? I found feeding lying down in bed the only way to get as much rest as possible while baby feeds and avoided disturbing him by trying to get him in his cot.

It will get better but it is so tough.. hang in there.

Have you tried working on getting her to fall asleep independently without feeding to sleep? Also is she in her own room at the moment?

So this is hard, but totally totally normal. It's handy that she feeds to sleep, this is easier than having to rock her or walk around. It's very very rare for babies to settle themselves at this age. The ones that are left to cry do so because they feel they need to conserve their energy as noone is coming to help - terrifying. So practically I would try giving nurofen before bed in case she's teething (can't always tell to look at their gums), try bedsharing following the lullaby trusts safe sleep 7 (I find a mattress on the floor the least stressful as they just plop onto the floor if they roll no harm done), and learning to feed lying down so you can doze while she feeds (day and night feeds). It's tough, and I found eight months to be a shocking period for both of mine, but by nine months things were much better. So you're getting there! X

Sleep deprivation is really hard. Breastfeeding to sleep and not falling asleep independently are entirely normal and developmentally appropriate. It’s a rare baby that can just fall asleep with no input, though of course they do exist.

I’ve had two wakeful babies and what got me through was safely bedsharing and breastfeeding back to sleep lying down, so I had to move as little as possible and wake as little as possible to get them back to sleep. Could that be an option?

Thanks for responding! It definitely helps knowing it’s not just me.

For the last couple weeks I started co sleeping out of pure exhaustion. I was always against co sleeping due to safety concerns and I’m worried this will create another load of issues down the road but here I’m going against everything I said. I simply no longer have energy to get up 10x at night, sometimes she will wake up after 30min in her cot.

Are you feeding them solids? Sounds like they might be hungry. In the old days people used to wean at 16 weeks & I think it was probably to avoid this situation.

I know you're breast feeding but would you consider a bottle so someone else can help out? I used to give mine 'hungry baby' milk at that age & it fills them up for longer.

I had a baby like this. Turned out she's gluten intolerant and was in pain. I never worked it out while she was breastfeeding it was o ly when she started eating it herself I drew the connection.

I ended up co sleeping. It was the only way to cope. I know the advice is not to but after I fell asleep sat up feeding her I made the decision to co sleep safely. I would wake to latch her but could sleep while feeding

Can I ask when did you stop feeding to sleep?
I’ve been considering to stop breastfeeding, hoping this would stop frequent night waking but on the other hand I wouldn’t even know how to settle without breast.

Hi @Tinydancer35 - I had exactly the same issues as you with my second baby (first was fine, happily slept 3 hours at a time in the Next2Me, then easily transitioned into a cot in her own room at 8 months). Baby 2 was the clingiest baby ever - would only sleep on me. So, we co-slept, and I did the following things to make it as safe as possible:

1. No duvet on the bed - I slept in a onesie that I would unzip to feed DD
2. Slept in the cuddle-curl position - on my side, curled around the baby (so we could both fall asleep as she was feeding)
3. DH was sent to the spare room for a few months.

We were able to move DD into her own cot in her own room at around 9 months.

I honestly think some babies need more comfort and closeness than others, and there's no point in fighting it, all we can do is accept it and do whatever we can to make it easier on ourselves.

Oh man, mine was the same. It was just so so so awful. I felt like I was dead. And such a failure. I didn’t want to sleep train so that wasn’t an option.

I just couldn’t understand how some babies slept even 3-4 hours in a row.

Does your baby take bottle at all? What did help, was my husband sometimes doing a few of the feeds at night. I slept in spare room so I could get 3 hours in a row.

Been there OP, with 2 before and my current 5mo post regression!

breastfeeding is not a problem and “self settling is not the magic bullet everyone thinks it is.

I would work on a routine in the day. Get her naps and wake windows sorted, get the naps in by any means (car, carrier, boob) and the nights eventually will fall in to place.

It gets better even if you do nothing. Xx

Been there, felt like the living dead and cried every day from pure exhaustion.
It is not your fault! People with better sleeping babies (by luck) will tell you it is, and people wanting to sell you sleep training books will tell you it is, but some kids struggle vastly more to self sooth than others and that is simply that.
Mine began to improve a little at 6.5 months, which gave me the headspace I needed to make some changes. I took up Co sleeping, with great caution, but the risk paid off for me. I also found that whilst textbook sleep trying was a write off (she'd hyperventilate/vomit from crying instead of sleep) there was a sort of compromise that worked. Instead of feeding I would rock her, and if she cried/arched her back then I would put her down in the cot and walk out, come straight back, pick her up and rock again, until she accepted it. I limited feeds to specific hours, and rocked for any wake ups between. After a few nights she only woke for the scheduled feeds. She still didn't fully sleep through mind, but we got it from 12 wakes a night down to 3 this way.
Good luck!

She does take bottle, and my DH has helped with some nights.
When my DH does nights she wake up really upset and tries latch onto my husband.

Also talking about bedtime routine, we have text book perfect bedtime routine, ( apart feed to sleep).
I’m waiting for Christmas madness to pass and try out some independent/self settling methods. I’m not ready for CIO tho.

I bedshared from night 2 with my first and straight away with my second. Always fed to sleep.

I stopped night feeds at 13 months for both of them, and my oldest was sleeping through every night in his own bed at fifteen months. I didn't do anything other than wait for him to get older. My youngest is 18 months and has four big molars coming in so I'm back in the floor bed with her, but she also didn't need me there for a bit when she was well.

Don't worry about making a rod for your own back, you're not. It's all fine.

How are her naps? Is she a happy baby in the day? Would just try and rule out any medical reasons for the frequent wakes because every hour is more than just not being able to get through sleep cycles I think so I don't think self settling is the issue. It's really unusual for a very young baby to be able to self settle, I mean it's not even really a thing - some are just better at 'soothing' themselves but even so - like a PP said it's not a magic bullet so don't focus on that. I wouldn't try to stop feeding to sleep altogether but try other things for some of the wakes - maybe have a strict schedule of 2/3 feeds a night and every other wake just rock/bounce/ shush and pat ...I know it won't be easy, you need as much support from your DH as possible but hopefully those wakes will start to reduce really quickly.

I know it might be a bit late in the game but have you tried a dummy?

How did you work this out? My youngest is a terrible sleeper still and I often thing he’s worse depending on what he’s eaten but I find it impossible to work out what could be causing it.

OP no real advice, it’s horrific but basically you have to do what you can to make your life easier in the day so that the nights impact less. Ready meals, a cleaner if you can afford it, timing yourself to always be in when baby naps so you can rest even if you don’t sleep.

Honestly, the only thing that worked was breaking the feed to sleep association and then sleep training. I was on my knees, couldn’t drive, felt like I was losing my mind.

So firstly I tackled naps - fed in the living room before the nap, then did her nap routine. She’d cry a little, but I knew she wasn’t hungry, so I would shush / rock and get her to sleep.

once I’d done this for about 2 weeks, I phased out the rocking, then eventually the shushing. She would cry, but I stayed in the room and she would settle.

We then changed nighttime routine so I fed her, then we did bath, sleeping bag. I’d leave the room and DH would do story time and put her down (with rocking still).

That worked to remove the feed to sleep, but she was still very much refusing sleep and the rocking was taking longer and longer so we did Ferber method. Took 2 nights and it was so hard but honestly transformative.

She still wakes up in the night and I feed her then so she’s never left to cry in the night, but post sleep training we’re down to usually one wake up a night and I can function as a human being.

Everyone has different views, but don’t feel guilty if you choose to do an element of sleep training. Those that say ‘it teaches them no one comes’ haven’t really read the research and in any case, your mental health is equally important. It’s not a case of lock the door and leave them to cry - a gentle approach can still make a huge difference

We did shifts - I'd do the first half of the night, and then go and sleep elsewhere while DH did the second half. Then we were at least both getting some sleep. It's really hard.

I know the issue is that she can’t independently fall asleep and is breastfed to sleep at the moment.

^ no. The issue is you're not co-sleeping. That is what almost all babies need. Trying to live out the Victorian version of mothering by separating baby is causing this issue. She's tiny. Co-sleeping until toddler hood and feeding to sleep and back to sleep is biologically normal. She's six months now. You won't squash her! Follow people like Lynsey Hookway and Sarah Ockwell Smith as well as Lullaby Trust guidelines. Good luck!

for me this time round a pacifier really helped. when baby is fed and full and time to sleep i put the pacifier in, put him in his crib and he falls asleep on his own and then i take the pacifier out. now sometimes i just put him down and he will put himself to sleep

Down load the app
Wonder weeks
Will show when they have leaps and when and how long they sleep regress

I'd try putting her in her own room, my dd was a really light sleeper and I think having me close by was keeping her awake. Once she was in her own room it went down to 1 or 2 wake ups rather than 4 or 5!!

I also started offering water rather than milk incase she was just thirsty and checking her nappy as she really didn't like a wet nappy.

Also a dummy definitely helped.

I am a single parent and went back to work when dd was 7 months so getting her to sleep well was a priority, I couldn't function being woken up every hour.

Uch this is so hard i was at the same stage as you a few weeks ago and felt like an actual zombie things I've tried that have helped...(and you have orb ably tried but thought I'd say anyway)

Baby lavender lotion after bath

White noise/pink noise etc

Put the side up on the snuzpod or whatever you have them sleeping in if you already do this try it with the side down

Get fleece onsie for bed - if you have that try one without feet some babies like their feet to be free but most don't

Bigger sleeping bag - if you don't use one then try that

Humidifier

Moving baby into own room if you have the space

Nightlight if you havent got one if you have try without it

Dummy if you use one

Putting the baby to bed in their cot with their feet towards you if you do it with their head by you at the moment

Try a formula bottle before bed

Get baby on the solids if ready

Long walk before bedtime

actually say to your baby' it's time to sleep now, so you need to close your eyes and rest and mummy will sleep next to you also'

Glow stars on the ceiling or baby mobile

Check baby isn't too hot or too cold or is there is a draft - use a room thermometer

Make sure they are fully winded

Put babies pjs and bedding on your bare chest for 30 minutes before bedtime to make sure your scent on them

Go online and get a warming hand. It's slightly warm and you put it on your baby and they think it's their parents hand