Worried about a child’s hygiene

[Daisysimply]

I’ve got a friend with a little boy who is 3. I’ve not known the girl long but she is very lovely and seems to care for her boy so much. However, I have noticed for the past month or so on a few occasions her little boy smelling of poo. I’ve gone to pick them up and he’s come out of the house smelling like it. We’ve been on days out when he’s started smelling but she doesn’t go and change him. I’ve spent a lot of time with her recently but have never seen her go to change him, he is also not potty trained so this doesn’t explain it. I don’t know if I should say something but I’m worried about upsetting her and ruining the friendship as she is lovely but the smell is very unpleasant, especially when all sitting in a car together, and I am worried about the boys well-being. Any advice appreciated

Do you not just say ‘oh I think Johnny needs a new nappy!’ to her?!

Also, do you really want a friend who lets her toddler sit in a dirty nappy? That’s neglect.

Next time it happens just say it and act like it’s the first time you’ve noticed. But bring it up every time after without fail.

It’s not fair on the child to not say anything.

I’ve indirectly said ‘oh I think someone’s done a poo’ on a couple occasions shes then smelt him but hasn’t then gone and changed him. The smell is very obvious

‘You pop off and change him Sally, I’ll hold down the table here. 🙂’

Maybe she has? Sometimes when 3 year olds poop the smell still stays there in the pants even after a nappy change. That's why u need to change the pants too.

So when she smells him and does nothing do you say ‘do you want to go and change him? the baby is change is in the ladies’ or whatever? Then she’ll have to either do it or she’ll lie and say it’s not him and then maybe that’s something you would want to talk to someone about because it’s neglect and she might need some support to better care for him?

Yes I will have to! Just wouldn’t think a mother we need telling to go change her child I suppose. Just bit awkward as I’ve not known the girl long

There’s 100% not a chance it’s a lingering smell after he’s been changed. Hes quite clearly sitting in a dirty nappy

she is very lovely and seems to care for her boy so much.
She obviously doesn't if she leaves him sitting in his own excrement.

Honestly OP it’s only as awkward as you make it, for the sake of the child I would just be upfront and to the point about it. ‘I’ll request the bill while you go change him.’ ‘We’ll wait here while you pop off for a nappy change.’ ‘We’ve been here a few hours, he def needs a change.’ ‘Oh I don’t envy you in these nappy changing days! Changing rooms over there.’

Valid point which is why I’m confused as to why she is not changing him. She seems to do everything else she can to look after him - other than he has also got black teeth which I find concerning at the age of 3

Black teeth is really bad.

Yep you’re right just me overthinking the situation. If it was a closer friend I wouldn’t think twice saying something but with someone I don’t know too well I don’t want to tell them how to look after their child

Might this be hygiene poverty? Can she afford nappies etc?

He is being badly neglected.

That would be so sad, but very possible.

I’m not sure. She is often buying him toys when I’m out with her so surely if she can afford toys she can afford nappies I’d assume. It’s just an odd one because she seems so loving towards him so it’s weird to think she’s neglecting him

OP I'm a nurse and regularly attend safeguarding training for children and both the ignored soiled nappy plus poor dental hygiene come from neglect. She might seem a very loving mother and it may not be intentional but she's very much neglecting her child here, his basic needs are not being met.

What would you suggest I do? Just try and have a chat with her?

I thought the not changing his nappy sounded bad, but the black teeth?! That’s awful - he needs to be seen by a dentist. I’m not sure what the solution is, but she is neglecting him.

It's a hard one because no one wants to tell someone they aren't doing a good job but it's also quite concerning with what you have said. Maybe it'd be better to ask questions first such as , has he been to the dentist yet? Or, why are his teeth black? Hopefully this would shame her into getting it sorted and you haven't actually told her she's being a neglectful mum. Also, by aged 3 she should definitely be thinking of starting potty training.

Black teeth at 3 is alarming. I don't see how that could happen unless they're never brushed and/or he still has bottles. Being in nappies at 3 is also a bit odd. I assume most kids are potty trained by then? Or at least partially? It's terrible the poor boy is made to sit in soiled nappies. They must smell terrible at this age. Does he go to nursery? Can you bring it up with them? Maybe an anonymous email.

Theres something amiss if hes sitting in a dirty nappy often and his teeth are very decayed at 3. Does he go to nursery? Do you think you could be a kind friend to them both and talk to her about his teeth and if shes thought about potty training and suggest she asks her health visitor about both things? Sounds like she needs some support

He does go to nursery part time. She said she had issues at nursery with them not changing his nappy which I found strange since she clearly isn’t changing him. I wasn’t sure if maybe someone had bought it up to her and she’d tried blaming the nursery I’m not sure. I will definitely have a chat with her