Worried about a child’s hygiene

[Daisysimply]

I’ve got a friend with a little boy who is 3. I’ve not known the girl long but she is very lovely and seems to care for her boy so much. However, I have noticed for the past month or so on a few occasions her little boy smelling of poo. I’ve gone to pick them up and he’s come out of the house smelling like it. We’ve been on days out when he’s started smelling but she doesn’t go and change him. I’ve spent a lot of time with her recently but have never seen her go to change him, he is also not potty trained so this doesn’t explain it. I don’t know if I should say something but I’m worried about upsetting her and ruining the friendship as she is lovely but the smell is very unpleasant, especially when all sitting in a car together, and I am worried about the boys well-being. Any advice appreciated

Does he go to nursery? If so, or you know her through an organised activity, mention your cincerns to staff. Next time he obviously smells say he needs a change, offer a nappy and wipes if she looks blank. If he sits in poo for that long he must have nappy rash. Poor kid with rotten teeth, maybe mention you took yours along to dentist with you.

There are a couple of red flags, here.

The nappy thing is obviously neglectful but the teeth is just dreadful.

I'd be tempted to anonymously report to SS. I know that seems harsh but she clearly needs help.

She could have been raised in a neglectful home herself and not know any different.

OP never judge a book by its cover you say your friend seems "really nice" look at all the cases we've seen in the news paper recently she is of course going to be really nice and attentive towards the child when you are there and towards you
What worries me is that you have noticed this on a few occasions, mentioned it to her and still no nappy change. I would literally offer to do it myself if she doesn't and I would say I dont mean to be rude but can you change him he must be uncomfortable. Also black teeth is also not a good sign at 3 years of age I would be worried she isn't coping

Is it possible it’s just wind? My niece had chronic constipation at this age (was being managed with doctors and medication but took a while to get sorted) she was absolutely constantly smelling my poo because she was constantly breaking wind. There just seemed to be a poo smelling aroma around her, poor thing. We of course knew the cause so didnt bring it up around her but I suppose if you didn’t know the details may have assumed she was dirty.

Has the mum got learning disabilities and doesn't quite 'get it?'
Has she got a partner or family?
How did you meet?

Regardless of the answers the boy is SUFFERING.

If she wasn't loving to him and you were not particularly keen on her would you think differently?

The way I look at it is this. If I died and my little child was being looked after by someone else, would I want this to be reported to social services? In this situation for both issues then yes definitely. You can contact the NSPCC by email. I did that once and they were very very concerned and took charge of the issue.

Has he definitely pooed? Could it just be wind or a lingering smell? I find it hard to believe someone would ignore that when in company and it's blatantly obvious to the other person too?

Obviously leaving him in a soiled nappy is not good but make sure that's definitely what's happening before you report her to anyone.

What the hell?

Why are you just casually mentioning this as an afterthought?

A 3 year old should not have black teeth. I've never seen a 3 year old with black teeth. There is something very, very wrong here.

How well do you know this girl? And in what capacity?

You need to say something, or report to social services. This child is being badly neglected.

How did you become friends? If this is befriending situation, do you have a line manager or DSL you can talk to?

I met her at a baby and toddler group. The reason I’m mentioning these things casually is that she comes in contact with some many people every day from baby group and nursery who, as far as I’m awake, have not raised an issue. These are professionals working with children and I suppose I thought if they are not raising an issue then maybe there isn’t one, who am I to judge.

No please don't think like that. Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility. People who run groups and nurseries see one side and your concern may be different and add to-theirs.