My DC are 14 and 12. They've alternated spending Christmas between me and XH since we separated nearly 10 years ago. This is XH's year to have them and DD says she doesn't want to go. I don't know what to do for the best.
XH is a bit of a loose canon. He's had problems with alcohol, drugs and his mental health over the last few years. He's had a string of girlfriends, lives with them for a year or so until they get fed up and kick him out. He then sofa surfs with his own family members. He doesn't last long in jobs. He's just finished serving an 18-month driving ban for drug-driving and driving without insurance.
He's very secretive so we're constantly having to piece together the story. As far as we can tell, his latest girlfriend threw him out a couple of months ago and he's currently living on his own. He's also lost his job, was living on benefits for a few weeks but has just stopped receiving those as well. He has the DC for one day every other weekend (no overnights) but it's been a bit patchy recently. The DC usually like spending time with him.
DD says she wants to spend Christmas Day with us. XH hasn't given any indication of what he's planning so as far as she knows, they'll be spending the day in his flat with just him. All my family and MIL are spending the day at my brother's so it's understandable that she sees that as the better option.
If plans stay as they are, the DC will wake up at home, have breakfast and open presents with us before we take them to XH for 10-ish. We'll then collect them at 6. In my mind, it's not that big an ask for them to have Christmas dinner with their dad, open some presents and probably watch a film in the afternoon. If he's sinking back into a depressed car-crash of poverty and substance abuse then I won't be permitting contact. But if he's generally ok then would it be terrible to make her go?