Baby won’t settle with me

[nosh99]

Hi everyone! I gave birth to my son 3 days ago and trying to take everything one day at a time. Whenever I try to hold him, he just cries unless I feed him even if I’d fed him ten minutes ago and he’s not showing any hunger cues. But he will settle with everyone else.

im just wondering if this is normal? It just feels so overwhelming at the minute

Hi! I'm in no way an expert but I'd assume that he can smell you / smell your milk and this is what he's communicating. He may be hungry or simply starting to associate your smell / milk with comfort and he's seeking it, particularly on day3 with your milk coming in!

Hang in there! Post baby is an absolute rollercoaster (I lost it on day5 with my first). I remember my sister sent me something that tried to articulate a newborn trying to feed and it made me feel a lot better. They have no idea what they're doing. You have no idea. You have to figure it out together.

I think it’s so normal, are you breastfeeding? Their cry literally stimulates your milk supply so I think I had baby on the boob literally like you say every ten minutes. For about the first few weeks then it eased off?! It will feel less overwhelming with time, it’s just nature doing its job getting the milk in!

Congratulations! Very normal, just keep your top off and cuddle him (skin to skin, breast when he wants it) for a couple of weeks. He's doing it to stimulate your supply. Neither of you are doing anything wrong! How's his latch? Hope you're feeling ok post birth!

I had the same too, it used to make me cry thinking he didn't like me! But cluster feeding helped and he eventually calmed down. Your baby will calm down too soon.

Thank you! This was reassuring to hear. We had a bad night where he didn’t sleep at all until I had to bf him whilst he slept on my arm instead of sleeping in the cot so hopefully we get there

Thank you! I am breastfeeding and it just seems like he wants to eat all the time but doesn’t like me asides from that

@tangobravo Thank you! Midwife said that his latch looks good so I think I’m just very overwhelmed as all he wants me is for food but won’t settle with me but won’t sleep in the cot either

Thank you! I think he might be cluster feeding as well just because he’s feeding so many times and it just feels never ending @orchid34

He's three days old, he's probably trying to get your milk supply up. I'm currently breastfeeding baby number 3 and these days are just really hard. He'll feel when you're stressed too.

Please don't worry about him not sleeping in the cot - regardless of what you see on TV or social media, it's totally normal for babies to only want to sleep being held to start with. DS could not be laid down to sleep for 2 weeks so we had to take shifts holding him overnight between feeds, but then he was alright in the next to me with a hand on his tummy. DD only had one night like that (but then her troublesome sleep came later...)

Breastfeeding is so much more than nutrition - it's comfort too, so it's not surprising he wants to be latched constantly. He's only just become unattached from you, so seeking out the only thing he knows.

It does get better, I promise!

This is the most normal thing in the world - please try and see it as a good thing even though it’s so hard! Even if he fed literally 24/7 it still wouldn’t be ‘but he’s just had food how is he hungry’, he’s just working with your body to bring the milk in. Try and think about it like this - he’s never been hungry before, cold before, he’s never been away from your heartbeat. All of those things in you bring him comfort. It eases, I promise! But please don’t listen to anyone other than your baby and feed when he wants to.. it gets better!

You may be tired and overthinking it, he’s just come out :-) everything will be new to him on the outside, you will both find your feet together and bond soon! Until then just keep doing what you’re doing. Best of luck!

Aw it's so hard but sounds like you're doing everything right just responding to him! Will he settle and sleep on your chest? Mine literally only slept on one of our chests for the first two weeks, we had to take it turns to supervise each other in case we fell asleep. These first 2-3 weeks are really intense but you're doing brilliantly!

@Soitis83 thank you! I just feel really overwhelmed as all he keeps doing is feeding but then isn’t sleeping at all. At the most, he’ll either sleep whilst feeding (which is when I have to wake him up) or he’ll occasionally sleep for 5 minutes after feeding

@ECPCR2 Thank you! I’m just finding it really hard as it seems like all he wants is to latch and he’ll either fall asleep whilst feeding or fall asleep for about 5 minutes afterwards

@Foundaplan Thank you! Everyone keeps asking me if he’s properly feeding and tbh I don’t know. I’ve been using the NHS videos on how to get him to latch properly and when the midwife checked, she said the latch seemed good and everything feels drained after. And on top of that he’s only sleeping either whilst feeding or for 5 minutes after

@dominique36 i feel like the rational part of me knows I’m overthinking things and to give him time but my anxiety is going into full force!

I’ve tried to do skin to skin two nights in a row and he just screams every time! He won’t settle on my chest but in my husband’s and will only sleep next to me in my bed in my arms! I’m so tempted to give in but I’m trying to follow the safe sleep advice as much as I can @tangobravo

Firstly congratulations. Secondly, it is often known as the 4th trimester because they are still attached to you. It is completely normal for a baby to cry, it is their only way of communicating everything and it is meant to make you want to make it stop, that is my way of saying it is a biological response. This is why people lose it on planes when other people's babies cry. It is built into us to make us respond to the crying and try whatever it is, feeding, changing, holding, winding, rocking, to settle them.

Newborns don't seem to sleep and they are not effective feeders when young, their tummies are tiny, fill up and empty fast. Breastfeeding is more difficult because you cannot see the milk but you can look for the swallowing and they will gain weight and fill their nappies.

Your baby will also be picking up on your distress at you feeling like you cannot settle him and he can smell your milk. Your body has been through a pregnancy and a delivery. You will be able to do this, just right now he is so little he needs to be near you. Accept your Dh settling him as he is a parent too and this is great. I had to lie a milk soaked t shirt of mine on Dh's shoulder to help Ds settle when he was about 2 weeks old.

You just do this one day at a time and MNetters are here to help you through that so keep reaching out.

As everyone else says, very normal. Haven’t rtft so don’t know if others have suggested it but if you haven’t read The Fourth Trimester it’s invaluable. Congratulations!

Please be careful sleeping with him in your arms. It’s so dangerous.

They can smell the milk... they know you're the one with milk . It will pass x

@BoudiccasBangles @Butterflysunshine01 @dominique36 @ECPCR2 @Foundaplan @Imhelendawson @lookingfortheadult @orchid34 @Pendeer @Soitis83 @tangobravo @user2848502016 Hey everyone, thank you so much for your kind words and reassurance! It genuinely meant so much to me! Just wanted to give you an update that the fatty milk has come in and we had a good night last night! Fingers crossed everything keeps going the way it’s going!

That is wonderful to hear. It is such a worrying time when everything is new, your baby doesn't come with a handbook and every one of them has different needs. I have two sons and both were very different in what they needed from me as a Mother as newborns.

Take one day at a time, there will be hard days and easier days, and every day starts anew.

You’re doing a wonderful job, keep going!