Unacceptable behaviour at school

[Jay87]

Advice desperately needed!

This time last year my daughter's behaviour at home started to drastically change to a point where she was unrecognisable. She was so angry all the time and it had a hugely negative affect on our family life. After months of meetings with teachers and trying to get her to communicate what was making her feel so angry it turned out to be the behaviour of two children at school. One child is autistic and the other has extreme behaviours but undiagnosed.

She goes to a small village school where they do not have the staff, budget or resources to fully give these children what they need to stay regulated throughout the day. So pretty much on a daily basis they get angry, throw furniture, hit children, scream, it's very distressing to the other children in the class and the classroom has to be regularly evacuated. My daughter finds this behaviour completely overwhelming and as soon as she steps through the front door after school she lets it all out.

My eldest has similar behaviour in her class but less regularly. Yesterday their class had to be evacuated because a child had become dysregulated. My daughter told me children were crying because they were scared and my younger one has built up so much anxiety about being hurt at school that she refuses to go in in the mornings. As a mother hearing your children are scared at school wanting to come home is heartbreaking.

I've looked in to moving schools but they've made such good friends and it's a big decision to make them start again in a new place. I also have the worry what if another school is exactly the same.

Is this a regular occurrence in schools now? Has anyone got a similar situation?

Thanks!

Complain. Loudly to the school (they already know it's a horrible situation but they're stuck too. But louder to the authority. No ones needs are being met properly in this situation and it's hideously unfair for all of those children. It's not about SEN kids in MS being a problem it's about them not being supported to succeed when they are there.

This isn't unusual OP. My children attend a large 3 form entry school and there are multiple incidents like you describe across the year groups They have some children who are on a waiting list for SEND schools but there are just no spaces.
It's not fair on any of the children in this situation, but I as the parent of a child who has been attacked am upset that the needs of one violent child in a class frequently come before the needs of the rest of the class. No one is getting a good quality education in these situations.

Well, they are safe at school (don't hugely appreciate someone laying into the school and teacher straight away) because they are evacuated when the child becomes dysregulated.

It's a great shame that this has to happen, but it can happen. I would suggest a constructive chat with the head teacher to explain how it's affecting your children, and asking whether the teacher is being supported enough to help prevent these children from getting to their flash points. For example, have they done analysis of the build up to see if they can find triggers?

I'm sure the school are working with the parents to help the children to adapt. I have seen very inclusive schools act quickly if it's patently obvious the child is incapable of accessing mainstream provision.

Thank you all.

I have had multiple meetings with teachers, mainly at first to try and figure out what was causing her behaviour. It took months to get a picture of what was actually happening. Then we had summer holidays and my daughter returned to her normal happy self. The new school year started well, her new teacher seemed to have a better handle on things but then there was a high level incident which triggered all my daughter's anxiety from the year before where she was physically hit numerous times, as were other children.

The school has very recently acquired a new head teacher and it seems they are looking to make positive changes but nobody has been told what these may be yet. I have emailed my concerns across and will be finding out if they can provide better support for children and teachers. If they can't provide the support I'll look to move them.

I would be reporting every incident to the governing body of the school and ask why the school is not adequately abd reasonably safeguarding your children. This is not acceptable school management.
I would tell them they have 2 weeks to put satisfactory arrangements in place, otherwise I would report my concerns to Ofsted on x date (15th day after letter/email).

Well I am a former primary teacher too, and I know that while for most of my teaching career I might have had one, or even two children with diagnosed ( very rarely) or undiagnosed behavioural problems, it was nothing like the situation it is now when most classes have a number of children with varied diagnoses but the support and access to specialist advice is almost negligible. In fact I can only think of four children over my career who stand out as having real problems with behaviour and who really stretched me to my limits. One eventually became the youngest child ever admitted to a local school for children with behavioural needs, she was almost unmanageable even there. The others stayed in mainstream but we were lucky enough to get funding for 1-1 support. I wasn’t in a nice leafy middle class area, I was teaching in East London in three of the poorest boroughs in the country with all the additional issues of poor housing, poverty, family mobility and language diversity that that brought to the table. But long term cuts in funding have made the situation unbearable for many teachers I know.

My neighbours came back today to get the last of their stuff and cut my internet wire. I found a blue wire in my garden and my internet is broken - this is what I've put up with for the past almost 3 years.

This is who gets given a nice brand new huge new build from their council with their full rent paid

My neighbour also told another neighbour she left her husband. He moved out for months on end and she said he was abusing her (this isn't true they were loved up moving out kissing and giggling). Soon as she got the offer he moved back in full time. She got offered TWO new builds and declined them. And said no only where we live. She got a fast track new build lying her husband abuses her.

What a horrible world we live in.

Sorry I posted that on the wrong feed

The boy in my son's class that spent the autumn term last year throwing chairs and trashing the classroom was excluded at Christmas. He's now at a special school and hopefully much happier.

My DC never seemed especially phased by the regular evacuations and didn't bear the boy any ill-will so clearly the school handled it well with the other children. I am pleased that he now doesn't have to hide from chairs being thrown on a day to day basis.

This child was one of three kids (out of 30) who left last term for new provisions because of autism. There are still others who struggle on in the class.

Op, if the school won't act, I would think about moving your DD.

Yep. I'd suggest this.