Is it normal for my child to be this ill?!

[BlueRose22]

My DD started nursery at the beginning of September, 18 months at the time and since she started she’s had tonsillitis, croup, suspected tonsillitis again, hand foot and mouth and is now suffering from a seriously bad cold but this is how they’ve all started so may be something more to it. She’s had to have a week off atleast each month from nursery and it’s just absolutely exhausting and I don’t know how she’s getting so unwell so often. Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong? Could there be something else going on? Is it the nursery?

You will push the inevitable further back. DD1 was a lockdown baby, then was looked after by grandparents until she started part time school at 3.

The first autumn/ winter was horrendous. Cold after cold, sickness bug, conjunctivitis etc. I woul say between the November and May we had 9/10 illnesses at least most of which were passed to her baby sister and me. Though at least I was on mat leave so childcare not so much of an issue x

Our first winter at nursery was really awful - constant awful viruses causing fevers and misery for days. So far the second winter has been a bit better although I’m conscious theres still months of winter left. I do think it’s better to get the worst bit of immune system building out of the way before school as at least their learning is not really being affected by being off nursery.

Are you in a city? This happened to my son and while normally for nursery / school our doctor said being in a city means more people travelling all over world bringing back viruses my son had no immunity for.

Sadly yes. We were "lucky" in the sense DD was never hospitalised. We have plenty of friends with normal healthy kids who regularly ended up in A&E due to nursery bugs.

On a practical level, during the first few years of nursery and particularly winter months we never made weekend plans. Weekends were either for being sick or recovering from being sick. We also stopped booking holidays as the risk was too great. Even with 24hr cancellation, DD got sick once 6 hours before we were supposed to leave.

For unavoidable, important travel I would take her out of nursery for the entire week beforehand and quarantine like during covid times.

This is not quite true. A child's immune system develops as they get older, so whilst you'll inevitably get bugs/illnesses at pre-school/reception etc your child's immune system will be better able to deal with them. It's far more likely for a younger child to end up really poorly or even hospitalised with these type of bugs than an older child.

Totally normal. I had twins in nursery and of course they would be off one at a time, never together

A particular highlight was chicken pox - 2 weeks off for one, and then 2 for the other! This was well before working from home as well so husband and I just had to take two weeks off each. It was awful.

I feel your pain! My ones had hand foot and mouth twice, conjunctivitis 3 times, some kind of stomach bug and a couple of others things. I’ve been off work more than I’ve been at work since mat leave. It’s crazy! I used to pick her up and see other kids there that obviously had conjunctivitis but were still allowed in. Apparently it’s not something the nursery can turn away….

seriously considering a childminder at this point!

Completely normal - in my experience starting nursery = 3-4 months of solid illness but then it generally stops and they're pretty robust. Both mine started at 1 (different times of year) and were non stop ill the first 4 months, but now at 9 and 12 years are actually unwell probably less than once a year (touches wood).

Oh gosh you lost your job?! I’m so sorry:( that must have been so hard for you!

I know isn’t it crazy?! Half the trouble is the dreadful nhs guidelines that say they can be in nursery/school!

I am too, I feel like how much more can we keep doing this!!

It’s completely normal and utterly crap imho that this is not taken in to account in existing legislation that covers maternity rights, returning to work, parenthood and employment.

Honestly, if I had more energy I would start a campaign about it.

It’s hardly a surprise that toddlers get ill is it? Some of course won’t be so badly affected but generally speaking there is a period of time when young dc get all of the bugs and pass them around the family.

But nevertheless we are expected to work like we don’t have children, and parent like we don’t have a job, and it’s impossible!

Not a city but quite a large town so to a degree the same could apply!

Great thank you! I will start trying those things.
Oh good I’m glad he’s on list!

Ahh bless him that all sounds very difficult. Yeah I did wonder if not breastfeeding has had an impact! They do say breastfeeding is great at giving antibodies but for many reasons we just couldn’t and is what it is it may not have even made a difference!

She doesn’t go every day she just goes two days a week, it was going to be one and a half days but they wouldn’t allow me to do half days so I had to do two.
Yeah I have been thinking if this continues after Christmas I will have to start thinking about it! I never wanted to send her to nursery at all to begin with but when I saw her developing and how social she was and how much she loved being with other children and adults it felt like a better idea than her being stuck at home with family as unfortunately they wouldn’t do too much with her at home unless the weather was okay and they could take her for a walk. She does absolutely love nursery but to be honest atm she’s doing a week and is off again!

I couldn’t agree with you more! I have been saying for months how am I meant to be a good mum and be there for my poorly child who’s been super poorly and turn up to work every day and be a good employee as well. It isn’t possible… and you don’t get paid when you’re off with your child either but then you’re still paying for nursery that they can’t attend?! When you really think about it, it is so backwards and wrong.

If you ever decide to campaign I’ll be with you!!!

It wasn't quite that extreme for us but DD1 did go through various illnesses in quick succession when she started. Probably about 6 months of going from one to the other, but then it stopped and she's been very healthy since, she hasn't caught any school bugs yet either.

DD2 got her first cold at about two weeks old but avoided most of the nursery bugs and is rarely ill at all.

So normal. DS1 was ill so often over the first few months he started nursery. I felt so guilty about what he was going through and started to have intrusive thoughts that there is something seriously wrong with him. He lost so much weight from being constantly unwell too so that didn’t help my fears. But after a few months the frequency of his bugs became less and things got much better.

Some children start nursery and barely get a cold. Others really struggle. But it does get better.

Our nursery is also one that doesn’t allow obviously children and no calpol before the day, etc. But as pp said, many illnesses spread before symptoms even show and too many parents give calpol in the morning and don’t say anything. And also quite simply that one child might have a virus and still feel so no one knows they have it but it spreads to another child who gets seriously ill with it. I have been in and out of hospital with both my children for viruses that barely make others ill.

Yes it’s normal. My dc1 was like this - really ill until her immune system caught up (oh and you’ll probably get slapped-face and chicken pox sometime soon!)

As a bonus my DD’s immune system is now bullet-proof. She didn’t need a day off sick at school until Year 4!

I remember those hellish early years at nursery, and the frustration and exhaustion. But hold strong it’s not forever.

Mine started early October and has had hfm, q vomiting bug qnd juste gotten over a really nasty cold with fever etc.
Managed to only have to take two sick days as managed it between grandparents and me and my husband and I've already been told we need to keep an eye on how many i take off. Never taken a sick day for myself and two days is nothing. Royally pissed me off. Like what am I supposed to do.

But aye it sucks. Terrible seeing them unwell so much as well.

Terrified of when the chickenpox will come as I've never had it myself

It sounds normal, unfortunately. The good news is after a year, they've had everything and are pretty much bombproof apart from mild colds. When they start school the ones who haven't been to nursery go through a similar process.