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Original poster

Is it normal for my child to be this ill?!

46 replies

BlueRose22 · 04/12/2024 09:06

My DD started nursery at the beginning of September, 18 months at the time and since she started she’s had tonsillitis, croup, suspected tonsillitis again, hand foot and mouth and is now suffering from a seriously bad cold but this is how they’ve all started so may be something more to it. She’s had to have a week off atleast each month from nursery and it’s just absolutely exhausting and I don’t know how she’s getting so unwell so often. Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong? Could there be something else going on? Is it the nursery?

OP posts:
Kaleidoscopic101 · 04/12/2024 09:14

It sounds kind of normal unfortunately her defenses are down from being hounded by viruses. I would think the nursery is a big factor especially if it's got a lot of children and they are quite relaxed about babies and toddlers being ill there?

NuffSaidSam · 04/12/2024 09:16

Completely normal.

Does she have to be at nursery? If you can make alternative childcare arrangements I'd try and do that (childminder, nanny, family etc).

SnapdragonToadflax · 04/12/2024 09:17

Yup, very normal unfortunately. It will improve over the summer then get worse again next winter. After that it should be much reduced.

Mine was ill so often I used to purposely not book anything at the weekend if he hadn't been ill for a couple of weeks, because he would inevitably be ill.

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TrippTover · 04/12/2024 09:19

My DD started nursery at the beginning of September,

Ah, yup! That’s why! At least you’re getting it over with. Won’t be like that after the first term or 2, generally.

urghhh47 · 04/12/2024 09:21

To a certain degree it's normal but it does also depend a bit on the illness policy of the setting. The setting we use will not take children if they've required pain relief to "get them through", have a fever or are too ill to join in fully.

Original poster
BlueRose22 · 04/12/2024 09:28

Kaleidoscopic101 · 04/12/2024 09:14

It sounds kind of normal unfortunately her defenses are down from being hounded by viruses. I would think the nursery is a big factor especially if it's got a lot of children and they are quite relaxed about babies and toddlers being ill there?

Well after the last time I sort of said to the nursery how can this be happening so often what are your protocols we signed a contract to say no children other than ones with the standard cold can attend is this being upheld etc. and they assured me it was but they’d done a big push on extra deep cleans, saying no at the door if a child visibly looks unwell and what not but not sure if that is actually happening as I’ve never seen it… Im also not aware of any other children being this poorly and being off as much as my DD has been at our nursery. Unless of course they’re just perking them up with calpol and sending them in regardless which of course I’m very aware happens!!

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueRose22 · 04/12/2024 09:30

NuffSaidSam · 04/12/2024 09:16

Completely normal.

Does she have to be at nursery? If you can make alternative childcare arrangements I'd try and do that (childminder, nanny, family etc).

This is why I’m kicking myself a bit as we had a childcare system with family helping us but it involved being stuck at home on two of the days and I knew she’d love the social side of nursery and being able to play etc. and the free hours came in so it felt like a no brainer really but I’m now regretting my decision a little… but would I have been just pushing the inevitable further back if I’d of kept her away from nursery, I don’t know…

OP posts:
Bippityboppitybooo · 04/12/2024 09:31

Normal for some kids. My first caught strep a aged 3 which seemed to get him stuck in a tonsillitis cycle for 3 years which we're just now emerging from, like 15+ severe cases each winter, some requiring iv antibiotics and rehydration.

I use immune defence vitamin drops for him now (and sterlise his toothbrush daily), no idea if they work but we haven't had anything this winter beyond regular runny noses and coughs.

My younger child is not like this at all - she's almost 3, at nursery since 7 months, and has only been off for 3 d&vs and 1 bad case of hand foot and mouth in that time. It's so hard to juggle their illnesses with work too.

Original poster
BlueRose22 · 04/12/2024 09:34

urghhh47 · 04/12/2024 09:21

To a certain degree it's normal but it does also depend a bit on the illness policy of the setting. The setting we use will not take children if they've required pain relief to "get them through", have a fever or are too ill to join in fully.

Ours is meant to be like that when she started we signed a contract to say we can’t take them in unless they have the standard cold runny nose little cough type thing, however I’m sure lots of parents don’t abide by this and I’m not sure if the nursery are strict enough with it which is a huge shame as I picked them because of how on it I thought they were and how strong their policy was as I had a lot of health anxiety towards my child before sending her so it was super important. But maybe I was mistaken and I can’t now pull her out and send her else where until February otherwise I lose a £200 deposit!

OP posts:
CookieMonster28 · 04/12/2024 09:38

My DD started in September too.
She is currently off this week with ear infection and was off a couple of weeks ago with HFM.
Really hard isn't it. This is only the 5th day I've had off work with her today and my manager is already clearly annoyed...but what can you do?!!

Hope your work are more sympathetic and understanding.

thehousewiththesagegreensofa · 04/12/2024 09:38

Totally normal for DC1. It tends not to be as bad for DC2 or subsequent DC as they will have been exposed to more of the standard childhood illnesses as a baby and so either had them younger or been able to build up a bit more immunity.
DC1 went to nursery from 15 months and then did a mix of that nursery and a pre-school when she turned 3. All of those who hadn't been to nursery were off a lot in the first winter whereas DC1 and the other nursery kids weren't ill as often. The same pattern was repeated when she starts school with those few who hadn't been to pre-school or nursery,
It is such a miserable period to go through. Especially when they are really little and don't know what is going on

Octavia64 · 04/12/2024 09:38

Mine caught so many things the first winter they were in nursery.

On the plus side they were fine when they went to school whereas others had constant illnesses then.

I did actually lose a job over it.

NuffSaidSam · 04/12/2024 09:40

BlueRose22 · 04/12/2024 09:34

Ours is meant to be like that when she started we signed a contract to say we can’t take them in unless they have the standard cold runny nose little cough type thing, however I’m sure lots of parents don’t abide by this and I’m not sure if the nursery are strict enough with it which is a huge shame as I picked them because of how on it I thought they were and how strong their policy was as I had a lot of health anxiety towards my child before sending her so it was super important. But maybe I was mistaken and I can’t now pull her out and send her else where until February otherwise I lose a £200 deposit!

Show quote history

Before you're too quick to blame other parents or the nursery remember that many of these childhood illnesses are most infectious BEFORE symptoms start. You've also said in your own OP that her previous illnesses started like a cold and then developed further...It's awfully frustrating, but there is little value in blaming other people for what is a inevitable consequence of very small children being kept in large groups in close proximity. Little children aren't really designed for group childcare of this kind.

Original poster
BlueRose22 · 04/12/2024 09:40

Bippityboppitybooo · 04/12/2024 09:31

Normal for some kids. My first caught strep a aged 3 which seemed to get him stuck in a tonsillitis cycle for 3 years which we're just now emerging from, like 15+ severe cases each winter, some requiring iv antibiotics and rehydration.

I use immune defence vitamin drops for him now (and sterlise his toothbrush daily), no idea if they work but we haven't had anything this winter beyond regular runny noses and coughs.

My younger child is not like this at all - she's almost 3, at nursery since 7 months, and has only been off for 3 d&vs and 1 bad case of hand foot and mouth in that time. It's so hard to juggle their illnesses with work too.

Gosh that does sound awful your
poor little boy! Will they not take his tonsils out that seems like hell!

Interesting what you say about the toothbrush, how do you sterilise it?! And which drops is it you use? I never know which ones are actually good and which are not.

Glad to know you’re having a much easier time with your little girl that must be a relief for you! Do you think there’s any difference did they attend the same nursery?

It really is so difficult isn’t it, my boss is the least empathetic understanding and supportive person too so it’s causes a lot of stress and anxiety!

OP posts:
Xmasready · 04/12/2024 09:44

@BlueRose22 my DD was like this for 4 months when she started nursery, then of a sudden it stopped. Assumed it was her immune system building up as it was really her first exposure to being with a large group of children.

Bippityboppitybooo · 04/12/2024 09:45

@BlueRose22 I use cold water sterilisation tablets like for bottles, and nature's aid immune plus drops. My son is finally on the list for a tonsillectomy but wait times are years and he seems to be outgrowing it.

Yes, same nursery. My son had cmpa, tongue and lip ties, severe reflux, and is prone to strange accidents/illnesses like orbital cellulitis and trigger finger (surgery soon). The only obvious difference between them is his bottle feeding (allergies/latch issues) vs her breastfeeding. Although I guess he also has a much more limited diet and doesn't sleep nearly as much. They are my opposite children 😅

Original poster
BlueRose22 · 04/12/2024 09:45

NuffSaidSam · 04/12/2024 09:40

Before you're too quick to blame other parents or the nursery remember that many of these childhood illnesses are most infectious BEFORE symptoms start. You've also said in your own OP that her previous illnesses started like a cold and then developed further...It's awfully frustrating, but there is little value in blaming other people for what is a inevitable consequence of very small children being kept in large groups in close proximity. Little children aren't really designed for group childcare of this kind.

Show quote history

I’m not blaming, the original commenter mentioned the nursery and the rules as a potential factor and in a lot of cases it is some nurseries are more strict on not taking children that are visibly too unwell to be there and unfortunately some children are dosed up and sent in even though they’re probably not well enough, which I know is due to a lot of pressure around work etc. I’m not saying all cases are like this but the cases that are do contribute to more circulation of illness.

OP posts:
SnapdragonToadflax · 04/12/2024 09:48

The trouble is, most illnesses are infectious before symptoms really start. So they're all in nursery for a day or two before they're ill, and that's how things spread. Germs are very clever like that!

My child started nursery in 2020 so they were super hot on illness. Straight home at the first sign of fever, cough etc, and of course you had to get a Covid test before being allowed back in, so that was 24-48 hours at home even with a mild cough. Absolutely not allowed to give Calpol before sending in. He still got ill all the bloody time.

The kids who get ill at nursery will at least get it over by the time they start school. My son's now in Y1 and there's been a really noticeable difference between those who were at home or only did pre-school vs those who've been in nursery since they were 1, in terms of how much they get ill.

Original poster
BlueRose22 · 04/12/2024 09:49

CookieMonster28 · 04/12/2024 09:38

My DD started in September too.
She is currently off this week with ear infection and was off a couple of weeks ago with HFM.
Really hard isn't it. This is only the 5th day I've had off work with her today and my manager is already clearly annoyed...but what can you do?!!

Hope your work are more sympathetic and understanding.

Your poor little one! I hope she recovers soon. It really is miserable and no unfortunately my boss isn’t either and has been very awkward and harsh about it all. It’s like they think we choose for this to happen?!

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueRose22 · 04/12/2024 09:53

SnapdragonToadflax · 04/12/2024 09:48

The trouble is, most illnesses are infectious before symptoms really start. So they're all in nursery for a day or two before they're ill, and that's how things spread. Germs are very clever like that!

My child started nursery in 2020 so they were super hot on illness. Straight home at the first sign of fever, cough etc, and of course you had to get a Covid test before being allowed back in, so that was 24-48 hours at home even with a mild cough. Absolutely not allowed to give Calpol before sending in. He still got ill all the bloody time.

The kids who get ill at nursery will at least get it over by the time they start school. My son's now in Y1 and there's been a really noticeable difference between those who were at home or only did pre-school vs those who've been in nursery since they were 1, in terms of how much they get ill.

Absolutely that is the trouble with all these horrible things you can’t always catch them in time which I totally understand. It’s all a bit of a mind field grey area on what helps and what doesn’t and if anything does?! Like you say yours got ill even though the restrictions were really tight! I think I just worry as she’s my first and only and I don’t have much experience with other younger children so I don’t know what’s normal and what isn’t and wondering if her immune system is maybe just not up to scratch! But seeing everyone’s comments it quite clearly is very normal and a very frustrating period of time but as you and a lot have said at least it’s building it up now so hopefully later on they’ll be okay!:)

OP posts:
Onemorepenny · 04/12/2024 09:54

I'm giving ABIDEC on a daily basis as otherwise it is just an invitation for illness. It's been much better this year so far! Also the vitamin D oral spray for the occasional top ups.

Last year we went through similar and I made sure he had nice long naps at the weekend to recover from all of the fun.

mnreader · 04/12/2024 09:55

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Monkeybutt1 · 04/12/2024 09:58

We had the same with my son's first few months at nursery. However it got much better after that's, he's now 12 and has a brilliant immune system, he has only had 1 spell off school with illness (tummy bug) when he gets a cold it's mild and done with quickly.

Venturini · 04/12/2024 09:58

yes, its awful. When 22 month old joined in August we hand hand foot and mouth twice, croup, chest infections, endless coughs and colds, A&E trips. It gets better, first winter at nursery is the trenches really. Hang in there! This autumn/winter shes been generally fine.

Butterfly123456 · 04/12/2024 10:01

I wouldn't put my child in the nursery at 18 months everyday, if I didn't have to. Other parents bring their sick children having given them fever medicine in the morning, because they don't want to call in sick at work. It is very normal and happens everyday. Your kid will be sick for the whole first year. If you have to work, I'd rather stick with the family members or a childminder. The child under 2 doesn't really have to spend hours in the nursery 5 days a week. It's sufficient, if she plays with other children every other day at the playground/clubs etc. for 1-2 hours. I didn't go to nursery at all, just to Reception at 5.5 years, and I turned out fine...