2 year old a nightmare at children's party

[Juope]

My DD in 3 in a few weeks and was invited to a party yesterday for another 3 year old.

It started with a magic show, she wouldn't stop running around and playing with the balloons whilst the others her age sat nicely with their mum's. She wouldn't listen to a word the magician said, even when addressed directly. She eventually sat down with me as I made it a tickle game and got her juice. She got bored quickly and announced 'i don't want this party'.

She perked up for the party food and then it was time to sing happy birthday and cut the cake-the cake was taken away and party games were started- musical statues etc. DD was distraught to not get the cake. She howled and I had to take her out to try to have a breather but she was in total overload, sobbing her heart out saying she wanted to go home. I held her and told her I heard she was upset and frustrated but it was time to go have a play with her friends and then we would have cake after. She wasn't really listening though she was too far gone to be reasoned with. To my embarrassment birthday Childs parents let her eat some cake in another room whilst the games were ongoing- the birthday girl herself just readily accepted when her parents told her she would have to wait

DD then wouldn't join in the games, preferring to run in loops and instigating a game of chase with one of the other kids. We decided to go and then she was actually lovely, saying happy birthday to birthday girl, goodbye to everyone, and thanking the parents pretty much unprompted.

I'd think my expectations were off but every other child her age seemed to manage it all ok. I found it really stressful and was worried that I've done her a disservice in doing a bad job of parenting her in general. She doesn't go to nursery so it's all been us. I feel like I've not taught her wait f and frustration tolerance. I feel like she is normally a lovely bright little girl and I often find her no problem to parent but now wondering if that's because we just run everything to her needs and desires.

Looking for feedback and advice!

If you read the OP instead of being a smart aleck, they took the cake away and started party games instead of cutting and serving it immediately – doing the cake then immediately launching musical statues instead of handing out a slice is weird, doesn’t happen at most parties, and I’m amazed OP’s child was the only one upset about it.

Sounds normal.4th and under birthday parties are hell ime and every child reacts differently, especially to their first one of that type.

It could just be an off day (lord knows they happen to everyone) that said when I noticed my equally lovely bright funny kind etc Dd being a grumpy /acting out at not getting her way at a family social event I decided to actively started practicing the following:

• waiting / patience
• delayed gratification (this first, then thing you want)
• turn taking
• sharing of food

it’s not perfect but she knows the expectation now.

Don’t get too heavy about it but this is the age to start. It’s just a skill she doesn’t have yet.

its easy for people to say “its fine/normal” but you are doing her a disservice if it IS a problem as by 4 people wont like it (children and adults) & it will be upsetting and confusing for your dd

That must be awful for many of the September and October borns. My summer born child had friends who were ready to start school but had to wait a whole other year; not even starting pre-school till very nearly 4 seems crazy. My 3 year old can already write her first name and surname and do reception level maths. They really benefitted from nursery from just before 3. I'm surprised given the push for 2 year old from low income homes to take up their 15 hours.

I think she sounds very normal. My daughters behaviour at a party that age inspired me not to bother having a third birthday party for her 😂😂 she’s now 5 and a half and still sometimes gets overwhelmed at parties, doesn’t like the activities or whatevwr, though mostly she is fine these days. And she’s not the only one. There’s always a few sitting out of the entertainment, or running round with balloons instead of joining in. My daughter is also always obsessed with the cake 😂 (I’ve been to some where cake is served straight away, others where it’s out in party bags, either way is normal).

honestly OP she’s only 2, I wouldn’t stress yet. It’s also perfectly fine to leave if she’s had enough.

All the three year old parties we went to were mainly free play not sitting down or games. I would expect this kind of thing for 4/5 year olds.

Don't stress- it sounds like she was overexcited. Perhaps there was a range of ages and some were three and a half or older. It makes a big difference.

A year of preschool before school sounds perfect to get used to doing more things in a group.

I have a September born who went to pre-school 3 mornings a week just before he turned 3. The pre-school in my area takes children from the term in which they turn 3.

In our area children get the cake at the end in a party bag. Children play games and before they leave they get a cake in a bag.

but omg poor snowflake kids who can’t cope by seeing a cake and then not immediately having it. Unacceptable.

I can only imagine what the parents of the birthday child thought.

I would definitely look around for a pre-pre school where they take kids from 3 or just before. It sounds like she could do with the interaction from other kids and to learn the way of sharing , sitting quietly in a circle etc.

Sounds like a rubbish party for a two year old. Much better for the 5-6 year old age bracket.

My daughter is 32 months old and she would be fine with all of this BUT she attends nursery full time. I’ve noticed when interacting with other children in parks etc you can really notice those who don’t attend nursery. They don’t share, take turns and just aren’t as good socially. I don’t know if waiting a whole year is a problem or they probably catchup on all this stuff. I assume you’re a SAHP and it wouldn’t be practical or affordable to start nursery now. Many people seem to think that being 1-1 with parent would be preferable but think it’s stuff like this that shows a good nursery clearly actually improves child development significantly.

Your daughter sounds like a totally normal 2 year old.

I was in your shoes. The only advice I would give you is to ride it out and relax. I got very anxious about every social occasion, and my anxiety just ended up rubbing off on my kid and getting us both stuck in a feedback loop. Some kids don’t cooperate and march to their own beat. Mine was particularly chaotic and accident prone and I wish I had just shrugged and laughed it off

One of the parents came out and asked if DD wanted cake, it was only when we went in that I realised they were serving her first- I wouldn't have asked for it.

I was trying to not escalate things- if she had been doing something disruptive to others I would have responded differently.
Genuinely what was I supposed to do? Drag her over to sit down? Immediately removed her 10 minutes after arriving?
I didn't really see her being upset and over emotional as some sort of manipulative ploy for cake, even if that what kicked it off. If she hasn't calmed down I would have just taken her home.

Sounds like the party parents expected quite a lot out of 2/3 year olds tbh.

DDs preschool ballet class is only half an hour, and half the kids are borderline feral throughout. They’d never be able to do party games, waiting for cake etc!

What a bizarre post - a 2 year old acting like a 2 year old is not a snowflake.
i have 4 children and the youngest is 6 - they all had plenty of behaviour like this at age 2 despite going to nursery etc. Somehow they’ll all grown up and matured and eventually learned the right way to behave.

She's excellent at sharing and taking turns and often adjudicates at playgroups.
Normally she's an exceptionally well behaved child and I get comments saying they can't believe she is two- she is so polite and kind. Hence why I'm so completely blindsided by yesterday's events!

Imagine calling a 2 year old a snowflake! Hopefully the party parents were kinder than that, even if they aimed a bit high at the party entertainment. At 3, most parties we went to were just “running around”, with perhaps one chaotic game of pass the parcel that no child really got the point of, was often abandoned midway, and was mostly nostalgia value for the grownups, like party rings, iced gems and pink panther wafer biscuits.

OP - important advice- please relax about your child. I worried so much about my first child’s behaviour and looking back, he was just a tiny child with limited ability to control himself- and most other little children are not perfect either. He is 15 now and generally polite and considerate etc

At 2 she is too young for big parties with large numbers of guests, entertainers and structured games. it will have been totally overwhelming for her.

id even say that the party sounds too mature for 3 year olds, it sounds like a fun party for reception aged kids.

Your daughter is 2.
there is a big difference between 2 and 3,
i think you need to manage your expectations, and would wait a bit before attending a big party like this again.

there will be plenty more parties!

:)

My daughter was exactly like this at 2! Your post took me right back!

Sorry, I have nothing useful to contribute other than she's 2 and parties are a very artificial concept at that age. I think a lot of us might cry if we were shown a delicious cake and it was taken away.

There is a lovely series of books called My Naughty Little Sister by Dorothy Edwards that she might relate to. DD certainly did!

This is what my parents would say. She is a bit of a free spirit who will run through the woods, explore, and make her own imaginary games for hours.

My son went to a magic party recently where a lot of the children were five and the birthday boy was turning six. There were children there that struggled to sit still and join in the games so I wouldn't worry at all.

My son has a friend who has her cake early too at his party every year as it's her favourite part of the party and I don't mind as that's what she enjoys.

Don’t overthink it at this age!

But DO make sure you follow up with her when she’s calm and talk her though how the day should have gone, why and what your expectations of her would be. Try to engage her to think herself about things like ‘if the magician is showing you the magic it’s best to listen even if you don’t feel like it. It’s only for a few minutes then it’s ok to play and run again’. Ask her if she thought she wasn’t going to get cake and explain that she was but it’s important to wait till the host gives it out… etc etc.

i think it can seem like they don’t get it or never will when actually the messages do go in if you take time in a calmer space to share what your expectations of behaviour were. She clearly finds it harder to regulate and mimic the others but that’s common at this age and they are capable of learning more than you think.

I think a magic show where you’re expected to sit and watch a full show was an ambitious choice for a 3 year old’s party (inevitably full of 2 year olds). Roaming magician would have been better, but guess why soft play parties are the norm for that age…….? Because 2 & 3 year olds would generally rather be running around playing than sat watching magic. Magic more for like 5+ perhaps. So, I wouldn’t worry about your daughter OP! 2 of mine are just like that, always running around when everyone else seems to be sitting beautifully 😅