Feeling like i have quite a sad existance

[starship92]

Basically that. I have 2 beautiful young children and i love them more than life, dont get me wrong.

But i feel like all i do is raise kids and work. My DH works horrible shifts and so i take on all of the childcare and house stuff to lighten the load for him.

My mum does my childcare (paid!) while i work and so isnt prepared to help out with the kids outside of that.

I have absolutely no life of my own and its really starting to affect my mental health. I feel like i cant even make conversation with DH any more because I simply have nothing to talk about.

Our marriage is badly suffering too because we never ever get the opportunity to do anything as a couple. I feel like my kids are too young to leave with a babysitter and sadly my mum is our only option.

DH still goes to the gym and has a few child free days a month to himself and i can barely get to the shop on my own for milk.

I guess i feel like im completely lost myself and lost motivation in life.

Anyone else been in a similar situation and can offer any advice?

Thank you

It's genuinely shocking to me that a father has only put his kids to bed once. The two of you need to make some changes OP.

@starship92 babies over 9 months now get 15 hours free childcare and 3 year olds get 30 hours (if you’re in England). Can you put the kids in nursery and use these hours, you could then either drop a day of your mums child care so she will babysit or use those hours to have some time to yourself. It’s really hard, I’m self employed, went back to work fully at 5 months and was in one day a fortnight from 3 weeks. I got to the stage where only I could get DS to sleep as he was breastfed but I ended up an exhausted mess as he was waking 5 times a night to feed and I was working full time. DH ended up doing the night time and now he only settles for him 😆
You will get through it, but only if you ask for help. Well don’t ask, tell DH and your mum you need more help and what you need them to do - mainly your DH.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply!

Unfortunately i live in NI so no help with funding until pre school :(

I will definitely be sitting down with DH and telling him how im feeling and seeing what we could do to make things easier

Does your DH work for NHS or another big organisation? He has the right to ask for set shifts, to help with family life, this might help things to feel less chaotic and ensure you both get more adequate rest.