Teacher asked for a chat...

[MortifiedMum1234]

Got the dreaded "can I have a quick chat" this morning at school drop off.

God knows how but I managed to send DD in yesterday with no knickers on (absolutely cant fathom how I've managed that, in all the 5 years I've been dressing her I've never managed to forget her underwear. We have all been ill, we have family member in hospital just generally alot on my mind and running on not much sleep which is obviously no excuse as its a pretty basic thing isnt is? To make it even worse I spent quite a lot of time plaiting her hair, put spare clothes in her bag encase she got wet playing in the snow, but didnt put any effing pants on her!

Apparently DD thought it would be funny to show another child in her class (she was wearing joggers, it was PE day) that she wasn't wearing pants, the child told their parents who then raised it with the teacher.

Teacher has assured me the other parents aren't upset as DD clearly found it hilarious and there was nothing more to it, but to be fair I probably wouldn't be happy if I was in their shoes. Teacher has said its not been raised as safe guarding issue but Im feeling a bit paranoid, you'd keep an eye on them wouldn't you?

Im mortified, firstly that I sent her in without pants and that she she thought it would be funny to flash another child - we've had all the chats, she knows it isn't appropriate. She wont even get changed in front of anyone other than me and her Dad, why would she think that's appropriate?! Is it just something kids think is funny, should I be worried?

I'll be having a chat with her tonight and make sure she knows its not appropriate but Im just so embarrassed, its a small village school, two of her friends mums are TA's at the school, we live minutes from the school and some of our neighbors children are in her class - I dread to even think who it is.

Should I speak to the child parents (assuming DD tells me who it was) I feel like I owe them an apology, they were obviously upset enough to mention it to the teacher?

School have dealt with what needs dealing with , you can put it behind you now.
It happens, I've got a few tales that I'm not going to share here coz paedos, school will know it happens.

No need to speak to the parents. All sounds pretty normal reception behaviour. She told you it isn’t a safe guarding issue to reassure you. In terms of safe guarding they will be keeping an eye on everyone because that’s part of their job.

At 5 I would be expecting her to be puttung her own clothes on.

I honestly wouldn't worry about it. At my DDs 5th birthday I accompanied one of her classmates to the loo where she told me she'd forgotten to put her pants on that morning and then proceed to show me! Arggghhh, please don't show me, that's private! I looked away of course. I didn't tell the parents, but I felt pretty awkward about it.

Then more recently she had 3 friends over and they were dressing up and my DD decided to take all her clothes off and the others said they would too. Again, the talk for all 4 of them, please keep your clothes on, make sure your private areas are kept private, we don't need to take our clothes off.

So... these things happen!

I'm surprised if she's school age she isn't dressing herself?

They have an idea on who needs keeping an eye on and I am sure it isn't you :) It was a blip. I would just move on and just tell your DD to remind you if it was to ever happen before you leave the house :)

My DD (5) has done this. She dresses herself and I guess just forgot.

And I was once at a bouncy castle party for a 5th birthday and there was a girl in a party dress on the bouncy castle whose mother suddenly rushed over to get her to stop bouncing because it became very obvious she had also forgotten knickers.

I wouldn't worry about it.

It's not a safeguarding issue - it might be if it happened everyday and the child also lacked other basic things and was generally unkempt but no this isn't an issue on its own.

She had to talk to you and did so delicately. Just put it out of your mind.

Although my mum also did the same thing when I was three, apparently they were on a day out and I was happily lifting my skirt up 😳 and I still don't think she's forgiven herself 40 years on. Admittedly I wonder if it caused some trauma as I even wear pants in bed now and I know that's a big MN no-no 😉

Another agreeing these things happen. Try and forget about it! And she could start learning to dress herself inc getting pants and socks from her drawer now she's at school?

Should I speak to the child parents (assuming DD tells me who it was) I feel like I owe them an apology, they were obviously upset enough to mention it to the teacher?

I wouldn’t. I doubt very much they were upset. Children love nothing more than ratting on each other to the teacher!

My dd did this once but she was aged 9!! She said she took them off when she did a wee and forgot to put them back on.. ffs.
school informed me and said they found her a spare pair. School said it happens more often than you’d think.
bloody kids.

DH works in education and I believe that is something that would usually be regarded as a safeguarding issue, but probably only in isolation. Teachers know the children they are looking for safeguarding issues for and it doesn’t sound like your daughter is one of them.

My mum likes to remind me of the exact same event that happened to me except it was a teacher that noticed I wasn’t wearing any pants! I was probably around the same age and dressing myself, and had never forgot that crucial step before so I don’t think my mum questioned it until the teacher brought it up.

Put it behind you.

Sorry when I said dressing her, she does mainly dress herself, I just help her with her tights and supervise ...although clearly not very well. 🙄

Thank you for the kind comments, the teacher was lovely and said not to worry but she had to mention it. So relieved to hear Im not the first parent to forget too

I think most kids at some point have gone to school without underwear on. Don't get worked up over it.
And they're only little, so flashing their friend is not quite the same as if they were 15.
I'd just explain to your daughter how people's privates are to be kept private.

I couldn't get worked up about this if my DC was on either end of the equation at this age. The teacher just had to check in, I doubt it's a big deal.

https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-abuse-and-neglect/harmful-sexual-behaviour/understanding#article-top
This is how the behaviour is assessed. I'd imagine the school will do a bit more Pantasaurus lessons .

I wouldn't worry too much, I remember my sister going through a phase at 5/6 where my mum had to ask her every day if she'd remembered to put pants on!
She's now in her 30s and pretty successful haha!
My DD is not quite 4 but I can see how it happens

Absolutely normal don’t worry about it!

she had to tell you but thankfully it is just a “one of those things” incidents rather than “oh gosh that’s worrying because…”.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Honestly, I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

Many kids flash each other and do silly things.
She would have thought it was funny that she had no knickers on, not that her privates were exposed.

The other parents probably heard the story and thought they should pass it on just in case.
It’s better to be safe than sorry.

I worked with a teen girl who had minor things happening which most people wouldn’t recognise.
She was SN and we had to log everything as there were past issues.
A parent reported a tiny issue but it was that tiny issue that made all of the other puzzle pieces fit together and make a much clearer picture.

I don’t think I would mention it to the parents though because really the teacher shouldn’t have told you who had said it and it may stop them from reporting something more serious in the future.

Do not feel bad.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent.

I had a child in my Reception class come to school with no knickers and didn't realise until she sat cross legged on the carpet. It was no big deal. More mysterious were the couple of times I found wet pants on the toilet floor and couldn't find who they belonged to.

It happens . Both as a parent and a ta I have come across it a few times over the years.

my daughter managed it in reception, no one would have know as she had tights and a dress on, except she stood at the front of the class and proudly announced she was sans knickers during story time.

I once put out my daughters knicker shorts for my son to wear. He did say they felt odd. And the fact they were too big for him.

Youve all made me so much better thank you 🌷

Im sure by Monday it will all be forgotten about

If things like this never happened then you wouldn’t have any funny stories to tell when as an adult she brings her first serious partner to stay for the weekend 🤣

My son once came home in someone else’s pants. No school accident or anything no safeguarding worry - must have just swapped with someone else for a laugh 🫣

Do they have access to their spare clothes? My reception aged DD has come home in different clothes after changing herself as a result getting wet at the water table. Staff were unaware because she just changed her tights without telling anyone. I only know they were unaware because I had to ask them to fish the wet clothes out of her spare clothes bags because she didn’t have the foresight to put them in the bag she brings home every day.

Possibly that's what they did. I couldn't go round pulling up frocks and looking but I did ask generally if anyone had had an accident in the toilet and needed some help. It happened twice but I never found out who it was in either case and no parent mentioned the abandoned pants.

I did once have a girl who stripped off wet pants and trousers and carried on regardless naked from the waist down. I noticed that pretty quickly and found some spare clothes. Some children that age just aren't bothered.