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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

A very honest mummy rant

26 replies

cheekymonk · 27/04/2008 17:17

Hi All
I am ashamed to say that while ds is out for the count I have polished off a bottle of wine!!! I always thought I would be like Mary Poppins but instead I find myself stressed red faced and harrassed!!!! I find it so hard and give it everything but I always feel like it is not good enough!!!
He is 3 so maybe it is his age and dh is away alot at the moment but ds always seems unsatisfied... I was brought up that a mother does everything for their child and sacrifices everything but I believe this creates a selfish little brat and that it is important to have balance. I just find it hard achieving it!
I never feel like a natural or big myself up as a mum as some people I meet do. I worry all the time and take the responsibilty seriously hence not having another yet!
Anyone know what I mean?????

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

scottishmummy · 27/04/2008 17:26

who is responsible for DS if you just drank bottle of wine and DH away?wine in moderation but i wouldnt get too drunk if i was sole carer

avenanap · 27/04/2008 17:27

In the olden days a woman had to do it all. Times have changed. Find a balance, something that works for you. Mary Poppins doesn't exist, it's a story, probably written by a man of how women ought to be. It's fiction. You don't have to even attempt to be like this. Just be happy and don't try too hard. Your child would rather have a happpy mum then a sad one. Don't worry, go with it.

Don't worry about the wine. Mine's in the fridge .

Original poster

cheekymonk · 27/04/2008 17:38

I am responsible for ds. He is fine. Christ he has driven me to it! No more I promise.

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scottishmummy · 27/04/2008 17:38

btw no one feels like a natural mum, we all worry, stress and dont have enough hours in the day.so don't be hard on your self and yes definitely have me adult time not just mummy time

i re read your op and think i got the wrong inference.apologies i so hope i didnt offend you

Original poster

cheekymonk · 27/04/2008 17:41

Thats ok. Children need to be protected and it is natural to think what you thought. No worries [smile}

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 27/04/2008 17:42

ah V Gracious.now go have some pringles to complete the day

Original poster

cheekymonk · 27/04/2008 17:46

Hee hee. Thanks scottishmummy.

OP posts:

avenanap · 27/04/2008 17:48

Are you sharing the wine out?

scottishmummy · 27/04/2008 17:49

and pringles (salt n vinegar of course) and i have wee chardonnay lurking in fridge

Original poster

cheekymonk · 27/04/2008 17:52

I also have some music blaringand am having a right good sing! Think i just need to let my hair down for half an hour or so! Ds has been asleep for at least 2 hours. I did gently wake him up but he just went back to sleep so am enjoying the break!
OOh pringles sound good. Am trying to lose weight so have none in the house. The wine has just f**ked that up! Oh well...

OP posts:

Othersideofthechannel · 27/04/2008 19:35

In what way does he seem unsatisfied?

3 and 4 yr old boys hard work IME. I used to feel the need for a glass of wine most nights when I was SAHM to 3 yr old boy and 1 yr old girl.

It's way less stressful now I work part time and they are 5 and 3.

Original poster

cheekymonk · 27/04/2008 21:41

Its just the constant demands ie.different tv channel, always hungry at the moment (presume some kind of growth spurt), seems to want me to play with him 24/7, hates me diverting attention anywhere other than him (I know this is normal) and he is very critical at the moment."I prefer Daddy, sometimes you are a good mummy sometimes you aren't, I would like a different mummy" etc. I just find it hard to take!
Every shopping trip is a true nightmare, hitting me, screaming and wailing, cutting the phone if I am mid conversation (and I'm not on the phone much), nicking whatever food I am eating, need I go on?
It just seems like a horrible stage to me!

OP posts:

slim22 · 27/04/2008 22:01

And a horrible stage it is.

You might need to reset boundaries more firmly. Just don't pick every fight.

Set yourself a new task a week and be consistent (I know easier said than done).

just an example: nicking your food.
He's hungry, well sit down at the table and eat a meal or proper snack.
Doesn't want to sit, well then probably not that hungry. Go strait to bed. him: Wailing.....You: well you'll have a good breakfast tomorrow.
It is hard work, but won't be worse as he is already playing up.

Stick to your guns on that one issue at a time for a while and for the rest don't argue too much but make a habit of not giving options.

Sorry you did not ask for this sort of advice, but DS just turned 4 and getting better. Was like that just 6 months ago.
Discipline has helped him become more assertive and thus quite contended.

slim22 · 27/04/2008 22:03

As for the wine...............bad mother

wish I could once in a while but have been pregnant for all of the above period!

avenanap · 27/04/2008 22:06

I think childhood and the teenage years are horrible stages. They never warn you about that when you take the baby home from the hospital. All the other mums make it look so easy but they are all telling fibs. Ignore the critical remarks, he's looking for a response. Don't let him take your food, it's the start of him taking the piss when he's older. Take it off him and say it's rude. Get a portable phone, then you can use it in the kitchen and he won't be able to cut you off. If he starts to scream at you turn around and ignore him. Give him a few minutes to finish and say nothing. He's trying to show you that he's in charge. You can change that.

Do you have any wine left?

slim22 · 27/04/2008 22:14

They do call them threenagers don't they?

Good God, don't even want to think of teenage years

avenanap · 27/04/2008 22:20

Boarding school. Eton at 13. I have no problem with that. No earlier then this though. My ds is 9, he's quite sweet and helpful at the moment. The brain washing is going very well. He used to be hard work.

Original poster

cheekymonk · 28/04/2008 06:41

Thank you all. That is really constructive advice. I always struggled with him taking my food because part of me thinks well whatever is mine is yours (again how I was brought up- I remember my nan giving me half her dinner even though I had already had mine) and a good mum always sacrifices etc. but it is frustrating because he always has his breakfast or whatever meal it is first at his own table (he prefers it this way, tried eating together at same table and he just wasn't eating)
I think he has just got difficult in so many areas I don't know where to start but yes I should tackle one at a time.
No I had no idea that parenting was THIS hard and agree cannot contemplate the teenage years yet.
Thanks again

OP posts:

shabster · 28/04/2008 07:01

I had my DS when I was almost 41 - he was my fourth and there was a 16 yr age gap between eldest and youngest.

So therefore everybody is of the opinion that Shabster knows what she is doing!!! LOL,

His favourite saying was 'I wule the woost' to which I would reply 'when you can say it properly maybe we will think about it.

His tantrums in Asda were legendary. I had reins on him to stop him running away. Most times he would end up dangling up in the air from the reins in an attempt to stop him kicking me. The check out girls remind me of 'how funny ' that used to be.

The eldest boy was going through a spectacular teenage time!! Trying to do 12 GCSE's whilst moaning at me and saying 'Thats disgusting you and Dad still doing IT!'

etc, etc, etc. Around the time Tom (now 10) was born we bought a DVD player. It came with a massive manual that none of us could understand. I walked out of the maternity unit with the 'Prince of Darkness' and not even ONE sheet of instructions

It will get better (for a while) I promise you that. Well, either it has got better in our house or senility is setting in with me

Original poster

cheekymonk · 28/04/2008 07:06

Hee hee thanks shabster. I like "prince of darkness" too. What started out as a bit of a mindless post from me has actually been a bit of a wake up call for me so thanks fellow mums and sorry I didn't share the wine! Must get back to ds and my lovely warm cup of tea!

OP posts:

shabster · 28/04/2008 07:12

I could have carried on with stories about Tom and filled the thread. It has been soooo challenging and difficult. Now he is entering puberty - he is 11 at the end of July He really has grown into a fine young lad. My eldest son (now 26) and his partner are about to make me a first time gran [excited and overcome emoticon] and I am going to be full time childminder - He He. So, no doubt, I will be on MN about December saying 'WHY CANT I GET MY GRANDCHILD TO SLEEP'. Good luck my darling. I was more Cruelle Divile than Mary Poppins.

Right - am away to try and wake up the Prince of Darkness.

shoshe · 28/04/2008 07:22

Shabster you will love looking after DGC, (i have one older than The Prince Of Darkness, that i have looked after all her life)

Its a whole new ball of string, and as much as you love your kids, Grandkids are soooooooooooooo much more fun,

Cos you can hand them back!

(although DGD has lived with us much of her life, so hasnt quite been like that for us )

shabster · 28/04/2008 07:27

I am looking forward to it.

I didn't care about the sex of the baby at all, just concerned that baby would be healthy BUT I am delighted to say that after having 4 boys myself - my first grandchild is going to be another little lad

My DS1 keeps telling me all these fascinating facts like - We want him to have a regular sleep pattern. Dont take any nonsense from him when he is older. I nod and say 'how did you get so wise my dear firstborn!!' They are going to have a shock.

Lewis (my granbaby) the Prince of Darkness and myself are going to have so much fun. Now where did I leave my book of mucky Rugby songs that I am going to teach my granbaby - joke (honest)

shoshe · 28/04/2008 07:29

Dont they just, think that Mum dosnt know a thing about bringing up kids {grin]

And they are so ernest about the advice they tell you (I am also a 30 year Childcare worker)

And in this house it is DH that teaches them the norty songs

shabster · 28/04/2008 07:39

One last thought before we start the getting ready for school thing:

DS1 said 'Mum please dont change Lewis on your knee in case you drop him. I know thats how you changed all of us but please....'

I smiled sweetly at him and said 'Of course I wont Dan!' I am so sarcastic.

Changing mats my bum!!

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