8year old and extra curricular activities/clubs

[extracurric]

Hi

I have an 8 year old girl (in year 4). Up until September she did the following after school/extracurricular activities & hobbies:

swimming lessons x 1/week (weekend)
gymnastics x 1/week (weekend)
team sport x 1/week after school
sea scouts x 1/week after school

general after school club x 2/week (wraparound care, not a hobby, they do crafts & play games)

She finished up swimming lessons in September as had reached stage 5 and could swim competently - would prefer her to continue but was complaining every week so agreed she could stop.

Has been doing sea scouts for a year but never really settled in and actively disliked it when we started back in Sept, so we negotiated continue to half term, but now adamant about quitting so have let her do that.

So she is currently doing team sport as part of school team (which she loves and willing to join a local team also) and gymnastics. This weekend she got in a strop and was crying about going to gymnastics, she has done it since age 4/5, so interest is waning a bit. She likes the classes usually, but is not particularly interested in doing additional practice sessions or competitions.

I think she should continue with it, husband thinks we shouldn't force her if she's losing the joy for it. i'm keen for her to do activities for social reasons and physical activity - i've made it clear to her that she won't be allowed more screen time and sitting in all day if she quits all her hobbies.

Any thoughts? Stopping gymnastics would allow us a lot more flexibility on weekends for days out. Potentially she could pick up another sport/activity ad hoc.
We are busy with work, another child and our own sports, but don't want this the influence things too much. My husband thinks she was over scheduled and let her have the weekends free of activities for a while.
Thanks for reading

My first observation from reading this is that they are all group based activities. Would trying one to one sessions (such as learning a musical instrument or riding a horse) be worth a try to see if she likes it better?

My year 4 child does an instrument, so weekly lesson and daily practice, cubs and swimming. Any more and she doesn’t get enough down time for family time, independent hobbies and playdates.

How many hobbies and sports do you manage a week?

Thanks - issue with an individual activity is she wouldn't get any social benefit - which i view as a priority - over and above learning a skill/sport.

I go to my hobby once a week (group training) and then train on my own twice a week (when kids in bed/lunchbreak).

Agree, downtime is needed, but in winter i don't want downtime to equal ipad/tv.

She only currently does 2 things - team sport and gymnastics, if she has her way it would just be one thing.

Just to add- i'm not obsessed with limiting screen time - she watches quite a lot of tv/ipad and i'm wary of this increasing.

We have 30 mins a day screen time limit. Some times she watch TV but at the moment she is into minecraft.

That’s not completely true. We have got into the habit at the weekend of watching one family programme together in addition to 30 mins.

Do oyu enjoy your hobbies OP?

I can't imagine anything worse than being forced to do something in my own time that I really didn't want to do.

She has been doing gym for about half her life and has had enough.

I am sure there are other 'social' things she can try, although I'm not sure how social you can be during a gym lesson. I'm sure she has friends at school, so possibly not an issue.

I would ask her what she would like to try instead.. normal Cubs i or Brownies, or dance, a different sport.

Gymnastics once a week is pointless they won't develop the flexibility or strength to carry out more complex moves, like ballet is has to be done more regularly due to the demands on the body.

As someone who had most nights filled with extra curriculars until COVID made us stop I would dial it back. Looking back it was just too much for DD and freeing up time for actual recreation was a bit of a game changer.

At 15 DD now just does rugby, loves it, far cheaper than other sports, one midweek training and then training or a match on Sunday. It's sociable and competitive in a different way to other sports she did. Most importantly it is fantastic for teen girls body image, they see there is a place for every body type the strong and tank like and the nippy gazelles. It's non-contact and mixed sex until U12s. Contact ramps up slowly as they move through the ages groups.

Poor kid must be exhausted.
There's plenty of non screen stuff she can do at home.
Lego
Airfix
Read a book
Art and crafts
Jigsaws
Play with dolls.......

Also surely she gets plenty of physical activity and socialising at school.

Children in the past had lots more unscheduled time, and more discretionary time to "opt out" - wandering home slowly, even truanting for a day or so. They didn't have to be social every day from 8.30 until 6.30pm.

There is quite literally nowhere to go for an i year old child who wants down time at the moment, they are observed every second.

I really think you are overscheduling your daughter. And quite severely- gym, sea scouts AND an additional team sport, and then also swimming lessons. That's about 5 separate social networks including school.

In y4 girls particularly pick up a lot more social load, friendship get more complex, work demands of school increase. The fact she chooses Minecraft is interesting - it's a really good absorbing world with no human requirement at all, so useful for escape (all the young autistic children I know go and hide in there when socialising gets too much, for example).

Why would it be a big deal to give her a term off everything?

I think it's quite a normal age to not want to keep up with activities. With DS, I told him he could quit X but needed to try something else instead. There was a bit of to and fro before he settled. With DD, as she quit other activities, she increased her dance classes! . So in your case, I'd say if she's playing a tema sport at school and is willing to do it with a club, go with that - it's something she clearly enjoys and wants to do, and she can get the social aspect that way. DS now plays his preferred sport at school and via a club and often attends additional camps or sessions when the opportunity arises. DD is doing all her dance classe through one school, but does as many as she can get away with and is looking forward to doign dance at high school too.

We have loads of this stuff and she plays with sibling too, but screen is often the first choice (when it's dark). In light evenings she will happily play in garden though.

I wouldn't overestimate the amount of activity at school, PE is once per week and bad weather in UK often limits outdoor activities. Primary aged kids are recommended to be active for at least 1 hour per day.....there are frequently posts on here from parents of overweight kids who think their kids are really active because of school, but in reality they're probably not.

She doesnt play minecraft - that was another poster.

It's not that many additional networks - team sport is in school, swimming there's no talking/.interaction !

People tend to states of low effort!

I think it's fair to say that a lot of the time you think I can't be bothered to do x, y or z tonight, but then when you get there you are actually glad you did.

I think it really depends on the child. I have a child that thrives on being active and in activities most days/evenings. If not screen times tends to increase and with it negative behaviour. Boredom increases as well and it becomes hard to keep my DS from spiralling. Saying that though when my DS actively did not enjoy an activity (for a period of time) then we stopped it. We did this with gymnastics earlier this year. He wasn't enjoying it and it was becoming an argument to go to the class. We said he had to see the term out (as it was paid for) and he could stop. I'd say he stopped about 2 terms after starting to become bored of it.

My DS7 now currently does -
2 x football training sessions a week (one skills based, one is team practice session). Both weekdays
1 x beavers (weekday evening)
1 x after school fun activity run by the school (this term is Nerf Gun Wars!) Weekday evening
1 x football match (weekend)
1 x rugby training/match (weekend)

I've tried to get a good balance between sporty, social and fun and then he has a evenings of nothing as his downtime. We did do a mindfulness workshop for a few terms instead of the Nerf Gun Wars but thought we should change it up a bit so he didn't get bored again.

If its just a recent (last week or so) thing to not want to do a class I would try and make her go for a few more weeks. Where we are its so hard to get into gymnastics lessons that stopping would put you back at the end of that 18 month waiting list. I would hate for her to in 2 weeks say....actually I do want to go.

My DS does a fair few activities and I think they have lots of benefits, but to be honest I think they get in the way of social interaction rather than the other way around. Let her have more free time to hang out with her existing friends - with less activities you could facilitate a friend coming over each week. And exercise could be sorted by increasing the team sport and doing things as a family like hikes, swimming, adventure playgrounds on the extra day.

I wouldn't overestimate the amount of activity at school, PE is once per week and bad weather in UK often limits outdoor activities. Primary aged kids are recommended to be active for at least 1 hour per day.....there are frequently posts on here from parents of overweight kids who think their kids are really active because of school, but in reality they're probably not.

I completely agree with this. And I speak as a parent of a child who used to be overweight and another one who hovered aroudn being overweight. I'd add to it in fact and say that at the younger age group activities, there's surprisingly little activity there too. Those dance classes I mentioned for DD earlier - she's moved up to the next level in most of them recently and there's been a huge shift in how much actual MOVEMENT is happening in each class. At the younger side, there's a lot of standing around and waiting vs when they get a bit older and start being expeted to work a bit harder!

It's one of the reasons we allowed independence in DS relatively early. When he was out and about he was moving, playing football or basketball in parks with his friends, running around etc. Similarly, DD is starting ot be allowed to walk to the shop or she can go to the park wth a friend while I'm near by walking the dog but not actively WITH them in the park. They stay much longer (and i get less bored).

Indeed!

Swimming lessons were 25 min but only actually 15 min swimming.
Gymnastics is a lot of sitting stretching and waiting in line to take turns - i'm sure PE is the same.

It definitely changes as they get older. DD is 9 now and the shift in dance classes this year has been notable. She used to do gymnastics and yes, at the younger group level it was a lt of standing around. But the older kids were pushed to do way more.

Swimming - we always encouraged pre and post-lesson swimming and have insisted the children learn to swim multiple lenghts without stopping. Sports activities, especially if it's one she likes and she can get into a "higher" team will also increase movement etc. When DS first moved up from "Casual hobby" to "actual team member" the increased level of fitness and movement expected was hard for him.... but hugely beneficial.

This age is a great time to be trying different things, because there are so many different sports classes and activities aimed at the second half of primary school. She's dropped swimming (as can now swim safely) and doesn't like sea scouts anymore, fine, now she doesn't like gymnastics anymore - also fine really, she's done it for years, isn't doing it at a high level so it's not like she's missing out on a chance of olympic stardom by giving it up! That leaves the one weekday team sport. If you want her to do another physical activity, with a social element, then you've got plenty of scope to try something different. It doesn't even need to be another team sport, something like a climbing/bouldering class for kids is done in a group and involves games. I'd suggest looking at what is the most practical - what offers a class or a group at a time that works for you all, and is easy to get to, then raise that with her and say it would be a good time for you to try something new - here are three options, pick one to have a go at.

I think some clubs are good but not the take over your life type. I think it's too heavily sport based and that you should encourage her to try different clubs without forcing her to continue.

Mine do brownies and cubs, piano lessons and hockey club. This is more than enough! But none of them are competitive and taking up weekends. If she isn't enjoying gymnastics and you can't see a future in it, then what's the point? most children I know who do it go 3 times a week minimum and compete alot so there's no way once a week is going to really lead anywhere.

If recommend an instrument but privately rather than through school. This is because school lessons are often a group lesson and very short do they don't progress that quickly. They need to practice a fair bit at home so that could keep her busy?

My dc are 13 and 16. IME developing individual skills is as important as socialising. Something for them, something they can progress at, take forward through life.

Both DC started music lessons at around 7, both are pretty competent now, and music has become social for them - both play in bands/orchestras and perform in public often (not just in school concerts).

For socialising, activity and general skills for life, Cubs could be ideal.

DD (13) now does cricket 1-2 a week (year round now she is old enough for the indoor winter league); school football team (train once a week, play about once a fortnight); Scouts; piano lesson; drum lesson; band (village brass band); Saturday morning music centre (percussion for 3 more bands).

DS(16) does Explorer Scouts, archery, choir, orchestra, band weekly. That's plenty enough for his GCSE year!