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Pushed to the limit....

31 replies

Shattered · 18/12/2002 09:40

Had one of those days today... you know the days when your child gets up on the wrong side of the bed, everything you try to do goes pear-shaped, and then to top it off, your offspring decides to throw a nice, loud, embarrassing tantrum at the shops. Sigh.......................

What I'd like to know from you ladies is - has anyone else besides me ever 'lost it' with your children? I was at my wit's end after ds proceeded to whine and scream from the moment we stepped foot into the shops today, simply because he wanted to go and look at a toy train and I was in a hurry to get a couple of things I needed first. He didn't come up for air even for a minute, just screamed the whole time we were there. I got some really unimpressed looks from other shoppers too.

I can't describe how angry I was. I'd had a rotten day and then I just had to abandon the shopping trip and go home because he was being such a nightmare. I'm ashamed to say that when I got back to the car I shouted at him while holding him in a vice-like grip and he also got an earful when we got home about what a naughty boy he had been. I have since calmed down and feel bad for the way I reacted, but I really felt pushed to the limit this afternoon. Guess I'm just seeking reassurance that I'm not the only one who has ever reacted like this... ds means a lot to me and I feel guilty about the fact that occasionally I have taken my anger out on him. Thanks.. hope this doesn't sound too awful.

OP posts:

Enid · 18/12/2002 09:59

Shattered, yes, in M&S, exactly the same scenario, dd was 2 and a bit.

my tip would be DONT GO shopping if you feel that you are going to have 'one of those days', especially pre-Christmas! Its too stressful.

I recently visited John Lewis where dd1 (3) and dd2 (6 weeks) both preceded to scream the place down. I had a lovely calm vision in my head of a quiet, beautiful beach and a brain full of breastfeeding hormones so I managed to drift about with not a care.

By the time we'd driven halfway home, both of them were asleep and I pulled into a side road, got out my magazine and had 20 mins chillout before the inevitable onslaught on arriving home.


Enid · 18/12/2002 10:00

tut tut, should have read 'proceeded', what WOULD Mrs Sword (2nd year English) have said??


Bugsy · 18/12/2002 11:26

Shattered, I don't think it is a bad thing for our children to know that their unacceptable behaviour will make their mothers very cross sometimes.
I don't think you took your anger out on him, I think that you were angry with him - huge difference. The fact that you had a really c**p day meant that you were probably less tolerant than you may have been normally but at the end of the day his behaviour was still not acceptable.
I have been extremely cross with ds on about two occasions but felt that his behaviour warrented some serious displeasure on my behalf.
Don't be too hard on yourself, it is a really stressful time of year!


GeorginaA · 18/12/2002 12:47

Oh Shattered, I really know what you mean. My dh works away at the moment, and I'm finding that I get more and more short-tempered with ds as the week goes on. By Friday I really hate myself.

Keep telling myself that it's only for a little while until we can move, and repeating my "keep calm" mantra, but they seem to know when you're stressed and play up more, don't they?

Hang on in there and give yourself a small treat this evening for coping as well as you did.


sobernow · 18/12/2002 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WideWebWitch · 18/12/2002 12:55

Shattered, I had similar a week ago and posted on the supermarket tantrums thread about it. I was furious and totally lost it too. Shouted, ranted, vice like grip, the lot! I also slammed our back door so hard the glass smashed and then locked myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes while I calmed down. So to answer your question, yes, I know the feeling and have done the same. Don't worry, hope tomorrow is better.


jasper · 18/12/2002 19:08

had one of those today.Ds was hysterical all morning because he did not want to sing in the nursery nativity play


Lindy · 18/12/2002 20:35

Yes, I've lost it too ...... but not in public (yet!!) - my DS, aged 20 months, was constantly going into our larder, swigging the dregs from the empty wine bottles, throwing packets of food on the floor etc etc ..... I tried everything, the odd smack, time out, distraction policy, (don't ask the obvious - why didn't we put a lock on the door - because both DH & I are useless at DIY) ...... finally I completely lost my rag, screaming & shouting (not a pretty sight) ........ not proud of myself but have to say DS has not been near larder since!!


anais · 18/12/2002 23:09

Oh yes. Yesterday was big Mummmy melt-down. Dd (20 months) has been keeping me awake until around 3 am the past couple of nights (oh and she doesn't sleep through anyway) and ds (4) is going through a v. difficult stage. He is pushing every bloody situation to its limits and I am struggling to cope with it all. Being a single parent I don't have any support or any time out. I think we all lose it from time to time. Either that or it's just me.


ks · 19/12/2002 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

karenanne · 19/12/2002 08:43

is it the weather?or just its xmas and theyre getting excited and we're tired and stressed ?
my dd (nearly 3)has been a complete nightmare for days now and yesterday was even worse,whatever i said was wrong ,whatever she demanded was wrong didnt help when my family dog(12)was very ill and had to be put to sleep yesterday ..
i refuse to argue with a 3 yr old and ignoring her bad behaviour doesnt help she just keeps on till she gets a reaction .
i'll be so glad when i finish work tomorrow and i can just put myself in a quiet room and scream!


mollipops · 19/12/2002 09:06

YES shattered definitely! Had a similar situation myself not long ago, when dd and ds were both being right little so and so's in the shop, screaming and tantrumming (and all the way to it), by the time we got in there I'd had it and walked out without what I wanted, lost it and slapped ds , who was still screaming, stalked out ranting, put them in the car, started it and put the aircon on, then stood beside the car and left them to their crying and screaming and didn't get back in until they had eased off a bit. Then I was still so angry, I yelled and ranted the whole way home (only 10 mins but felt like forever!), then when we got home rang poor dh and ranted some more!

So yes I have lost it, and I'm sure there have been other times (tho that was definitely the worst and most recent). So I wasn't a candidate for mother of the year that day, but then who is perfect 100% of the time anyway? I think we expect too much of ourselves... we are only human! Kids know how to push our buttons and are experts at it too. Go easy on yourself!


Lulu41 · 19/12/2002 13:29

Me too this very morning lost it with my ds over the most ridiculous thing he said. I have been having real problems with this new "attitude" he has picked up since starting reception in September the last fews weeks have been a bit of mare with me getting angrier and angrier and then feeling so ashamed of myself for behaving like that with a 5 year old. I keep asking myself the question who is the 5 year old and vowing to never raise my voice again etc etc but its not happening, so dont beat yourself up as my friends tell me we all do it at times and yes those times we feel like a really bad mum and we should be so much more patient/able to rise above it but we are human too and we need to give ourselves a break I will endeavour to count to 10 or leave the room but its not always that easy. They know we love them and 90% or more of the time we are great mums remember that.


megg · 19/12/2002 17:27

Spent all afternoon baking for ds' nursery party tomorrow, left the cake cooling on the side so I could ice it tonight, went to the loo, came back downstairs to find half of it missing and ds with cake crumbs all over his face. I grabbed a glass of wine, went upstairs to the bedroom, shut the door and counted to 10. Five minutes later ds comes up, gives me a (snotty) kiss and says he's sorry how can I resist?


XAusted · 19/12/2002 21:50

Shattered, I'm sure most of us have been there and done that! I certainly have. I think sometimes you get pushed to the limit and then something has to give (ie, you have a good yell!) to relieve the tension. Otherwise I think I would go off pop!


Lambchops · 19/12/2002 21:57

It's the full moon. DS is always high during the full moon especially if the full moon is rising towards bedtime.


wotchalookinat · 19/12/2002 22:20

Maybe that's why I've changed too - if I could do a howl right now I would!


anais · 19/12/2002 23:20

Well said Lulu41


Clarinet60 · 20/12/2002 21:45

I had a big mummy melt-down the other day too. It involved half-dragging ds1 all the way downstairs and certainly did the trick as far as his behaviour goes. But you don't half hate yourself afterwards. I think it does them good to get a shock every now and then, as long as these outbursts are infrequent. I think they would lose their impact if they were regular, and you might also get copying.


Shattered · 21/12/2002 04:06

Glad it's not just me.... at least I don't feel like such an ogre of a mummy now. Sometimes ds gets my back up so much that it takes every ounce of strength to keep my anger in check - I sometimes wonder if I should be capable of being more patient with him, but it helps me to know that other people are having similar struggles with their own children.

OP posts:

EmmaTMG · 02/01/2003 21:54

OH MY GOD!!! This is the first time I've used anything like this (new computer for xmas) and I can't believe how much all of these comments sound like me and our household. I know we all go through it and can talk to friends but reading all this from people who are....well anywhere is really nice, even if the topic is horrible. I sometimes feel that friends/relatives just agree with me to change the subject as they've either forgotten what its like or haven't got kids so couldn't give a s*. I hope someone reads this as, as I've already said this is my first time and it's all quite exciting to find this site!!!


Bozza · 02/01/2003 22:06

Of course someone will read it Emma - there's loads of us addicted! Anyway glad you find you've something in common so soon. I'm sure there's loads of other things you'll read and you'll think "oh yeah...been there". I found that because when I first had a baby I didn't know many other people with a baby.


EmmaTMG · 02/01/2003 22:30

Yippee my first message has been read. I'm no longer a first timer!! As for this topic 'pushed to the limit' I've witnessed something extraordinary today my 3 yr old who could easily pass as teenager with his attitude is creating another little dictator in his younger brother and he's only 18 months. I'll be pushed OVER the limit by the pair of them!! I love this site already and only found it about 30 minute ago.


WideWebWitch · 03/01/2003 00:31

emmatmg, welcome Glad it's helpful so far!


SoupDragon · 03/01/2003 08:40

I think that's one of the best things about this site - even if you don't find the magic answer you're looking for you at least feel you're not alone with your problem which kind of makes it seem less insurmountable.

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