HH please - DD in hospital and C-section booked for Friday

[Sunshines89]

My 2.5yo DD is in hospital tonight with an infection - they don't know exactly what infection yet but she's on oxygen. I'm 39 weeks pregnant today and have a C-section booked for Friday. The doctor has said at this moment in time he thinks it's unlikely DD will be home before Friday.

We had a traumatic experience when DD was born, hence the planned C-section this time around. I've thought of every scenario surrounding baby's birth apart from this. DH is very upset at the stress of the situation. I feel numb right now.

It's 1:20am and I have no one to talk to, so am posting here. I don't see how we can both leave DD for baby's birth if she's not discharged by then. Our support network isn't great. Am I going to have to give birth on my own? Should I see if I can push the C-section back to next week and risk going into labour in the meantime? I guess at least I'd avoid a mad dash to hospital if that were to happen!

I feel so sad that we're just not meant to experience a "normal" birth, one to get excited about. DH said just two hours before we headed to hospital that he was excited for Friday, the first time he's felt that in 9 months. I feel so sad for us.

I'd reschedule the section x

I couldn't imagine taking dh away from poorly DD to be with me. Even if you get someone else to sit with DD will that be what DD wants? I know mine wouldn't want anyone but me or DH with her in hospital. I think you need to do your CS alone and leave DD with the support she wants. Its an awful situation but i dont think it's right for you to take the support and leave DD without a parent

Have you got any close friends to be with you during the c section if your DD needs your husband?

Sorry I'm sure I'm repeating what everyone has said, but I don't have time to RTFT.

You poor things, you must be up to 90. Give the maternity ward a ring and see if you can push the section to the Monday, give yourself a few days' grace.

Personally, I'd want DH with DD so I didn't have to worry about her. If your mum isn't supportive (you must feel so let down ) get on to a friend. I would happily take annual leave and travel to my best friend to help her with this, or indeed any other woman I know. Get the friend to take on the partner role for you in the hospital (ideally someone who's had DC!) so your DH can pop in and out and doesn't need to worry about you or the baby.

I had a section on DC2 during covid, so once we were out of recovery DH was only allowed in for an hour a day. I was dreading it but it was actually fine, so regardless of what happens you will cope. But definitely line up all the support you can.

In all likelihood, in a few weeks, you'll all be home as a family of 4 and this will be a funny story to tell the DC as they're growing up, but for now it's undeniably shit.

I had four normal vaginal deliveries, including one at home, and none of them were magical. They were all appalling in their own way: excruciating pain (obviously!), labour too fast to get to hospital, tears, blood loss etc. The overwhelming feeling I had every time was relief that it was over. So I think revising the narrative is really helpful.

For you, this is the beginning of being 4 rather than 3, and it is an adjustment. More people to think about, balancing the needs of your two children. I also get the feeling that you have to be pretty self-reliant as a family. When you’re in that place it can be hard to ask for help but if I were your friend I would want to help in any way I could. So if your mum isn’t up to much, do reach out to others.

Good luck and I really hope your dd is feeling a little better this morning.

@Sunshines89 I hope your DD is feeling a bit better this morning OP. Sorry you’re in such a tricky situation.

Obviously I don’t know the ins and outs of your situation but personally, I wouldn’t delay the c-section. It’s obviously being done for a reason from what you’ve said. What are the risks to you/baby of going into labour naturally and having a vaginal delivery? If you postponed your section and then spontaneously went into fast labour over the weekend and you/baby needed extra help then you’d be in an even more complicated situation.

How does your DD get on at Nursery? Are there any staff perhaps on a day off (the FT staff at our nursery work 4 full days so all have a day off during the week) that you could pay to come and sit with your DD for a few hours if you have no other family/friends able to do it? I know how hard it is to be in that situation btw - my mum would expect me there for her in a heartbeat but wouldn’t ever think of offering me help and would do anything she could to avoid having to help.

Personally, if not then I would go ahead with the c-section alone and have DH stay with DD. Although I appreciate this meaning DH missing the birth which isn’t nice. It’s really just starting the “divide and conquer” stage of parenting multiple young children right from the get go ❤️

I hope you find a solution. Let us know how you get on ❤️

So sorry to hear your daughter is ill! What’s stressful time! Id get your husband to stay with DD and have the C-section either alone or with your mum or a friend.

For my second my mum came to hospital with me as my toddler is a nightmare for anyone but me and my husband! And I was so much more relaxed knowing my toddler was well looked after.

Having my mum with me was a great bonding experience for us both. And she is so in love with my daughter now. My mum also couldn’t believe the drop in care since she had had me in the 1990s! It does seem to have been a different time back then with staffing (and a night nursery for the babies!) etc.

How's DD today? And you?

Hope she's feeling better

Thank you all for your replies and sorry for the delay in updating you all.

I'm on the birthing ward now awaiting my C-section. Tried to push it back but they couldn't get me in until next Fri when I would've been 40+2 so they said it would be best to stick with the original date. My parents have come to hospital to be with DD while DH comes into the C-section with me, so that's a big relief and actually Mum didn't hesitate to say they'd come to hospital to be with her when I called. Thankfully DD seems to be doing better - she was a bundle of mischief all day yesterday with good sats and using her upright hospital bed as a slide, but when she fell asleep she needed oxygen again until about 2:30am. Haven't had too much rest but it all served as a good distraction from nerves about today.

Doctors are hoping to discharge DD today provided her sats stay up. Which is a huge relief. It's a bit strange but I'm finding it quite reassuring having DD in the same building as me, as I've been very anxious about leaving her.

Thank you again for all your responses. It was very reassuring to hear from you all in the middle of the night xxx

Ah, so glad your mum was willing! Good luck today, big day all round!

So glad your parents have come through for you.

Best of luck, both for the birth and for your DD getting home.

Very pleased to hear that your dd is recovering and your parents have stepped up. Phew!

you’ll laugh about this one day but appreciate it’s stressful. I totally see your point about it being reassuring that your dd is not far away.

best of luck today and if you’re not too smitten /exhausted it would be great to have a wee update later on

Good luck ! Glad it's worked out

Hi everyone, just to let you all know our son arrived Friday lunch time, around the same time that our daughter was discharged. I lost quite a bit of blood following the C-section and our son needed a 24 hour stay in NICU to have help with his breathing, but I didn't need any further surgery and was able to hold and feed our son as soon as I was able to see him - a vast improvement on our daughter's arrival, who we couldn't even hold for 4 days, let alone feed. So, in the grand scheme of things, the day was much more positive than when our daughter was born - although my heart breaks slightly when I think of my husband's face as he struggled to deal with his daughter on the paed ward, his son in NICU and me potentially needing further surgery all at the same time. But I'm writing this in bed with my son on my shoulder and my daughter sleeping between me and my husband and it all feels quite lovely. Thank you again for all your support xxx

Congratulations! What a challenging time for you all. How lovely that you are all home together now. Thanks for taking the time to update.

@Sunshines89 ahh that's lovely to read OP so glad it all worked out and you're all together as a lovely family of 4 🥰

@Sunshines89 Congratulations OP ❤️ I’m so glad you went ahead with your c-section and that you had a better birthing experience this time around (all be it, still very stressful 💐). I hope you, DD and DS are all recovering well. Enjoy every minute of your newborn bubble ❤️
Give your DH a hug, that must have been a scary moment for him. We had a bit of a scare immediately after DSs birth (they thought I was haemorrhaging and going to need emergency surgery - there was a LOT of blood and it was all very dramatic!) and I’ll never forget the look on DHs face in that moment ❤️

Wonderful news, congratulations!