Do I have ungrateful children?

[redbottleblue]

I would like some others opinions on this as I don't know if my expectations are too high or if my children need to improve on their manners.

I have a DD aged 5 and DS aged 6. I feel like every time we go out and do something they have something to complain about. We went to a firework show tonight and it just feels like they are never happy. For example, tonight there was moaning about sitting in a particular car seat, complaining about having to wait for everyone to walk together, wanting food right now (getting it and then demanding they want more), they didn't want to stand and wait for an act to come on, then when it did they complained within 4 minutes saying 'it's boring'. Then after the whole event they complain they don't want to go home.

It just feels like they want the 'next thing' all the time and they can't enjoy anything in the present. I constantly discuss with them what good manners are and continue to correct their behaviour in the moment, yet it is just continuous. I come home feeling so deflated that they didn't seem to enjoy any of it.

I have also had times where I have cancelled the trip out prematurely as a way of getting them to see their wrong behaviour, although today I couldn't do that as we had other family members with us and we had given them a lift in our car.

One of the children also constantly interrupts any conversation going to tell us something completely unrelated to what is being talked about, and will get angry if not listened to immediately. I never let them get their way through interrupting, yet it continues.

Ironically, they will probably be asking me within the week when we are going to the next firework show!

Is this normal? What am i doing wrong?

TIA

I know my parents wouldn’t have put up with any moaning and whinging, my mum would have taken us aside and smacked.

it doesn’t sound that unusual though OP, and I really think it depends on the child. My older one just turned ten and still likes to have a moan if it’s something he doesn’t want to do (like go for a walk), his name begins with M so we say ‘oh here comes moaning M!’ And he shuts up for a bit. My younger one seeks joy in everything she is doing and is much more content to go along with everything and just kind of be happy. So depends on the child!

I also think not normal, but also do they hear you/their Dad whinging and complaining so it’s learned?

My DC1 (6) can be like this. The nearly 4yo less so. I am constantly reminding him to enjoy things in the moment rather than being constantly on to the next thing. I think it is starting to sink in.

I also refuse to respond to requests/demands that are not made politely (nice tone and please). I will literally ignore and if necessary say “sorry i can’t answer when spoken to like that” and they quickly change their tune. However, I have been doing this with them since they could talk so you’d think the rude demands would have stopped by now but it still happens at least once a day with both! I think it’s just a long slog sometimes and the personality of the child impacts it. They don’t sound abnormal to me.

I think it's quite normal but I agree with setting boundaries for it so they learn it's not acceptable.

What I find works best is when something occurs give a clear firm instruction. It they repeat said behaviour a stern look in the eye with a "what did I say about that". Make sure they tell you to insure they understand (and listened 😂).

Then say "if you do, <say or whatever> that again then .....".

Follow through.

With interrupting it's really hard because often you give attention to tell them to stop interrupting. That's enough for some children. Sometimes you need to totally ignore and when you've finished look at them and say "I've finished talking now. Was there something you wanted to say/ask?". (And 9/20 times they won't even remember 😂)

With car seats can you set a rota. Or have specific seats they always sit in? You can then return to the "well what have I said about this?".

The good thing about always putting the ball back into their court is when they actually repay what you said correctly you can praise them for listening well and it becomes positive rather than negative.

I agree. They sound jaded! Kids get too much now.

OP maybe they need a more boring life for a while.

@curious79

how on earth have you decided that Op is controlling? By her trying to give her children nice experiences?!
if she didn’t do stuff with her kids - she’d have people complaining at her! Honestly being a mum is so shit - you literally can’t win!!

Let's face it, our generation and the ones before were better behaved because parenting was way harsher, smacking was the norm. Plus, treats/outings were a rarity, these days kids just expect it.

I was a very compliant child. The fear of being smacked kept me in line.

I'd rather have a child that moans on occasion than resort to making my kids fear me (i.e. having adult tantrums )

Could you make a rule where you have to say one positive thing for every negative thing? Might break the habit of whining.

You're joking..it gets 10x worse at 15-16. You go from being a God to the Devil. Every look is a killer one. All you ask is whether 5hrs gaming is appropriate the night before mock GCSEs and they look at you like you are insane.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, I have taken all the comments on board.