Prom dress payment dilemma

[herewegogogox]

DSD is 15 and has prom coming up ...

Anyway.. DH texted bio mum and asked what the plan was with getting a dress sorted and if they should agree a budget, a budget was agreed £400, DH and bio Mum go halves on dress.. DH sorts shoes, prom ticket , and bag, bio Mum (hairdresser) sorts hair, nails and makeup up!

Anyway... dress appointment made, bio Mum says she can't make it last minute so asks me to go with DH.(no problem!)

I facetime bio Mum whilst there, a dress is picked £400.. everyone in agreement.

So DH paid his half £200 and also agreed to pay for alterations which were £100 extra ... bio Mum agreed to pay the remaining £200 by an agreed date and she said she would send it in installments as the balance is in DH name.

Well the date is fast approaching and so far she has sent nothing despite DH sending gentle reminders.

What does DH do? DH feels she isn't going to pay and he will be left with the remaining balance in full plus the shoes she needs for the fitting.

DH is not really sure what to do going forward so advice for him please.

Not much he can do tbh. Does she have form for this?

I do wonder what dsd is paying towards all this, but that's by the by I guess!

@Pootles34 I'm not sure what you mean by form?

Also she isn't contributing nothing as she has no job but DH is happy to contribute.

Stop the gentle reminders and ask the mother outright.

and it's just mother.

I'd have thought it's pretty clear what "form" means. Has she done anything like this before?

@SoupDragon I have my own child i am aware it's just mother thank you. I use the term bio mum to be clear on who is who.

Can your dh pay it then deduct from the next amount of child support

£500 plus for a prom dress????

@WYorkshireRose it would be difficult to say as, as she is residential parent it's my DH who pays maintenance and sends over extras when asked for uniforms etc which he sends immediately

Just make sure the mum is the one to pick up the dress with DSD? Tell DSD her mum needs to take her so she can pay final installment when picking it up.

@Refreshingpie this was suggested but he is worried it would cause an argument plus if she is having money problems (she has not said this btw) then that would surely make things worse?

@HecatesBees yes.. but I am not mum or dad so that's up to them haha

If SD's mother is having money problems why is so much money being spent on a prom dress/shoes/hair etc?

@DanceTheDevilBackIntoHisHole This is a good idea.. but if she let's DSD down like last time then surely she would lose the dress? Plus the balance is in DH name so could they chase him for it as the dress is ordered in.

@ImNoSuperman I'm not saying she has, I'm hypothesising that this could be a reason she is not paying? She has not said this nor has anything been done to suggest this.

I see what you mean it’s difficult. Is dsd aware of what’s going on ? She will be stressed if so thinking her prom is threatened and likely feeling guilty if her mum is saying she can’t afford it

What is the current situation with the shop?

So did DH pay 200 plus 100 for alterations and 200 still needs to be paid to the shop? If so just say to mum that she needs to pick up the dress and the shop will ask for the money.

If dh paid in full plus for the alterations then it will be much harder to get the money back. In theory you could take it off extras she requests (eg she requests 100 for d of e, you say we'll take that off the 200 you owe us) but in practice it's likely to be sd who
Loses out.

Ask clearly, instead of dropping hints. 'I need you to pay this by x date'

If no payment is forthcoming he needs to send a message saying he'll deduct £50 from the next four months of maintenance. I agree if she's struggling then taking 200 off at once would be a bit much, so spread it out a bit.

@Octavia64 current situation is the £200 has been paid and £100 put aside for alterations... remaining shop balance £200.

@refreshingpie nope she is not aware and never will be.. I have been her step mum since she was 5 and if needs be I will pay it. But it seems unfair that this was agreed prior to the dress being purchased .. myself and DH have said she's having it regardless.

@HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf the fact she didn't want it as small deductions from her maintenance leads DH to believe she has had no intentions to pay it.

@herewegogogox If the dress isn't fully paid has the ticket, bag and shoes been purchased yet? If not DH doesn't pay for them and pays the dress. If they have then he needs to tell his daughter that her mum needs to pay and pick up her dress or return the bag and shoes. She's 15, not 5. She wants bridesmaid level expensive dress for a prom she can have the conversation with her mother about paying her half of it.

@ImNoSuperman the only thing that needs purchasing is her shoes before the day the balance is due as she needs to try it on with the shoes to be accurate how much needs taking up.

@ImNoSuperman nothing extra has been purchased yet e.g. ticket or bag

You sound lovely , it must be very frustrating for you though but you are being so kind

@Refreshingpie thank you. I think if Mum is having money problems I would rather her be honest with us (which i suppose is difficult).. but instead she keeps agreeing to send money on a certain date then doesn't which is more frustrating.

Well, as my wee mammy would say, beggars can't be choosers!

She owes him the money. He needs to stop being a mug about it.