School readiness check - behind

[secondeleventh]

Just received the school readiness check (DS starts in September 2025) and it does seem he’s quite behind where he should be in some areas, mostly social / communication and fine motor.

My main question is regarding what happens next, is this information shared with the school he will go to, or is it just sort of hanging out there?

I wasn't being sarcastic - sorry if it came across that way. You just sounded like you were saying there's no point to being referred because it will take too long.

Your health visitor is better able to let you know how long you'll be waiting though.

Does he follow instructions? If you asked him to point out the animals in a picture could he do so?

If you ask him to draw a person he can’t, he just scribbles.

He just kind of parrots stuff. So today he kept saying curry and bagels; one of the questions was what do you do when you’re hungry and he couldn’t tell me or what to do when you’re tired. He’ll say things that kind of relate like it gets dark or (in answer to what do you do when you’re hungry) he said curry and bagels. But we never really have bagels or curry so I think it must have been at nursery the other day.

I am really worried. It feels like he’s got quite severe learning difficulties and I don’t understand why no ones noticed.

And when he does start school make sure you set him up the best you can to succeed. Get the shoes that are the easiest to put on, the clothes with the least amount of buttons.
I don’t know what you’re doing right now but make conscious choices to NOT baby him. Make him try. It’s ok for him to be frustrated and for it to take time.
So many of the kids I come across at school can’t do these basic self-care things because no one’s ever made them.

Sorry @titchy I am really worried and upset: it’s all going on here and I have a non sleeping younger child and a husband being difficult. I’m probably being a bit irrational! I didn’t mean to bite your head off!

So yes he can do that, he can say that’s a cow and add adjectives or verbs as needed (that’s a black cow. That dog is running.)

But he doesn’t seem to understand questions that aren’t so closed. It’s hard to explain and this is probably where he falls through the gaps. So his birthday is in December and a while ago he could say that ‘my birthday is in December.’ But then I tried to teach him other peoples birthdays which was probably a mistake but I was trying to teach the months of the year and now he just keeps saying his birthday is in September. It doesn’t matter how many times you correct him. I thought he was just being a bit silly but maybe not.

He also counts compulsively so say there’s a book with seven birds he just keeps counting them beyond seven. But only up to ten.

Not being able to draw a whole person is not particularly unusual for his age. Several of the kids in our most recent intake couldn’t do it when they started in September.
It does sound like there’s possibly a language or processing delay. Have nursery not flagged any concerns?

No - I have always been told he’s progressing well and following a normal sort of trajectory. But I have always felt like there’s a wall there communication wise. Ask him a question and you rarely get an answer in the right context or if you do it’s the same one. So ask him what he wants for dinner he always always says pasta. But never or rarely asks for food.

Speak to nursery and see if they are concerned. It’s very easy to worry as a parent, a decent nursery will have supported lots of children with various needs and they will have a good idea of what is within the realms of typical and what may need extra support.
take your concerns to your HV if they are helpful, if not go straight to the GP and ask for a community paeds/speech referral.

I wouldn't worry to much right now, all he needs to do when he starts school (in 10 months time!) is go to toilet independently, put his coat on & off, put his shoes on & off, feed himself his lunch and follow instructions (sit there, don't play with that etc).

With the follow instructions, you'll probably find that he will do this better for people who aren't his parents (does he do it at nursery etc?).

My DC in year 2 goes into school in her pe kit on outdoor pe day as its so much easier for them not to get fully changed, but can easily manage to do shorts & t short for indoor pe - but still insists on me getting her changed for school every morning but that is because she's lazy but can absolutely do it herself when she has too. Your dc might be the same.

As long as your ds can do the above, I wouldn't worry about grouping things together etc as he will get there when he's at school & I doubt my dc could do that this far before starting school too.

My dc started school having never really drawn anything, couldn't wrote her own name (but could recognise it), couldn't read anything and that is completely normal as all she did at nursery was play outside, run, jump & explore - she was never inside & couldnt sit still at home at all. 2 years into formal schooling and her reading is above expectations, her writing is fantastic & she is a whizz at maths.

They all get there in their own time & so long as he can manage the basics when he starts I honestly wouldn't worry.

I think he's ticking boxes for ASD and possible dyspraxia - ds has both. I would write a list of all the different things you've mentioned here - including the repeating of phrases (very typical IME) and the counting of numbers that jus goes on and on- and talk to your HV about them. Don't just leave her to 'assess' him, bring up everything here.

Does he have shoes with laces or velcro? Velcro is your friend when it comes to school shoes!

I don’t think he has autism. I know my way around ASD if you like and while I can’t claim expertise I don’t think he has it. I also think this would have been picked up on. But I do think there’s issues with comprehension and understanding.

Thanks - part of me thinks this is what it is. I’m just stressed as honestly I would have expected most four year olds to be able to answer who do you play with at nursery or name three types of food.

Oh also OP something kids with ASD often struggle with is being asked to do more than one thing at a time. So you could say go upstairs, get your coat and put it on. They'll go upstairs and then have no idea what they were supposed to do. DS was like that when young, even now as at 18 he can completely forget 'the other' thing he was supposed to do. This actually happened just this morning!

DS wasn't diagnosed until nearly secondary school age despite me being a teacher and having worked with kids with ASD, not one teacher/nursery worker before that age had ever raised it as a possibility. I wouldn't rule it out.

You could buy a copy of 'Hanen: It takes two to talk' and start some intervention yourself. You could also look at the Black Sheep speech and language resources- although I don't know what they cost as we are always sent them by the SaLTs.

I don't think you need to wait to see a SaLT to start working with him- the resources are self explanatory and generally designed to be delivered by a lay person.

Definitely not ruling anything out but he’s unlikely to be diagnosed with anything at this stage and age. The lack of understanding seems more a sign of being behind generally.

Chat it all through with the HV - it's what they're for. In my experience GPs tend to be a bit useless with developmental concerns.

You might get brushed off but equally you might not. It's worth making some noise about your worries now as waiting lists for everything are so long. Better that DC no longer needs extra help by the time they get to the top of the list, rather than spending ages doing 'wait and see'.

For anything communication-related it's also worth requesting a hearing test and possibly also an eyesight test.

Thanks. Hearing is a problem as he’s had repeated ear infections and is under the ENT for this, but he can hear - just doesn’t seem to understand.

If you rephrase - ‘what do you like to eat?’ ‘Who plays trains with you?’ Can he answer them then?

He hasn’t been doing so when we tried.

I wouldn’t worry at all about the counting continuously even if he has run out of things, this is absolutely textbook pre-school behaviour and it will be a massive focus for the children when they start school. We call this ‘one to one correspondence’ and you can practise at home, encouraging DS to only say a number every time he points at the next object. I really can’t stress how much time will be spent on this once he starts school (hours and hours)! I also wouldn’t worry at all about not knowing his birthday as we have children who can’t answer this even in Y2 sometimes!
The language comprehension would be a focus point for me OP as this will be a hurdle to building skills in the other areas if he can’t grasp what people are asking him. Black Sheep resources are great as a PP said, but definitely chat to the HV and nursery. As much as it is very helpful to his future teacher to do all you can to get him ready for school, every year there are so many children who aren’t ‘ready’ according to a piece of paper but they really flourish and get to grips once they start.

Thanks, I’ll look at black sheep, I’ve been so worried about it all day. It sounds stupid but I had no idea he was behind in any way.

You have a check list of things you can spend the next 10 months working on. Why do you think you can’t help him learn these things?

I would ask to speak to nursery, including key worker and SENDCO, as well as obviously the HV at your appointment. GP appointment to get the ball rolling with SaLT support. You’re concerned, and you know him best. He does sound a bit behind - could be something, could be nothing - but if you’re familiar with ASD you’re probably also depressingly familiar with how loudly you have to shout to be heard for support.

I would also suggest that you think of the key question words as a foreign language (I’m assuming English is the first language?). So focus on one question word, and really crack that. Once he has got eg “who” then move on to “where”. Free up his processing power by reducing his cognitive load.

Anecdotally, I taught a little boy who at 4 just didn’t understand the concept of first person speech. He would say “he” or use his name. He’s in Y4 now and absolutely flying. Just took him a bit longer to get there.

@MumonabikeE5 - I think if he is struggling with basic comprehension to the extent that he doesn’t understand i am asking him to name his friends then that is a worry.

I am hoping he just wasn’t listening properly which I think is likely but then poor listening is an issue. His ear has been infected and burst / leaked today so I guess that won’t be helping.

Thanks @NorthantsNewbie . I don’t think he has autism - never say never of course. I am a bit stumped as to what it is, to be honest.