DD 11 caught vaping!

[Mini1977]

Went in to wake DD up for school this morning and found a vape in bed beside her.

I have been through every emotion all day at work angry with her, upset with myself feeling like I've failed as a parent and confused with how to deal with it.

I have taken her phone and iPad off her and grounded her but is this even going to stop it.

I've spoke with her to find out when it started, who it started with, how she's getting vapes etc and she's answered the questions I've asked.

I've explained the dangers of vaping and the effects it can have on her hobby that she wants to progress in.

Just looking for any advice really.
I cannot get my head around it at all I'm so disappointed in her.

What is the issue with the scooter? My DD is 9 and has a petrol quad, and my ds12 has a mini pitbike, dad has a pitbike and takes them out to a field nearby to ride around with them, have a picnic etc its a great day out with Dad, but to the point, OP i would get her to research and write you a paper on the bad effects of vaping, and tell her every time you catch her with one she will have to write another paper, A) she won’t like having to write the papers so will hopefully stop her and B) it will force her to look at all the bad things that happen from vaping everytime she vapes.

Because they’re anti social and mostly associated with drug dealing yobs.

Again, in my area these are so anti social. Teens riding round with no helmets on, wrapping tees around their heads so the police can’t identify them.

We do have sensible trials bike users in the forests though… but they’re adults.

Do you think the OP will be down on the waste land supervising her 11yr old? Do you let yours out unaccompanied?

She’s still getting the Christmas present. Even though it’s entirely inappropriate.

That depends on the person riding though doesn’t it, not that the thing itself is antisocial, My kids are always respectful, if they see someone walking in the field (its where people walk their dogs too) they pull over and turn their bikes off so they don’t scare the dog, we’ve had many people stop and chat with us n the kids about their bikes so if anything for us its a social thing, no they aren’t allowed out on their bikes alone, and we have pointed out the many stickers on their bikes that says off road only, so they know that they can only ride in the fields/greenlanes, we also make sure that we have permission from land owners before we ride in the fields etc, so really does depend on the person riding xx

@Bruisername yes she did, I check her phone daily search history etc included. She only really uses the phone to do group calls with her friends.

@Ineedanewsofa I had mentioned popcorn lung to her last night after another chat and about some stories I had read, never thought to show her the articles so this is a great way to show her I'm not just making it up.

@yarnbarn it will show her that every action had a consequence. The scooter was purchased because of good behaviour what has happened is not good behaviour therefore she will now need to understand what happens as a result of her actions.

@ZuckketyZuckZuck you know what, no I hadn't I was angry and upset and this is my reason for this post I want to be able to understand it from her perspective. I admit I probably went in guns blazing but I'm asking here for advice so I can approach the issue with everyone's feelings taken into account.

@SweetSakura the issue here isn't about the scooter it's about the vaping, I'm not asking if I should have bought her a scooter or not I'm asking for advise on how to deal with a vaping incident.

@Avie29 everyone is so hellbent on the scooter 🙄 I love this idea, it gives her an understanding as well given that she will be able to read about it herself and not just taking my word for it.

@Humphreyshead oh ffs she is 11, drug dealing yobs around my area tend to drive sur-rons. Also regarding the waste ground it is at the end of my street can see it clearly from my bedroom window that's if I can't make it over with work or the younger kids but there is always adults present.

My 11 year old has an electric scooter OP, don’t worry social services are not coming to take her away 😂

Youve told her off so I’d pull her back under your wing and just keep talking to her about it. Tell her you understand there is peer pressure - just as there was from smoking real fags back in the day.

Our young girls are a lot more advanced now than we were at their age. Our 11 year olds are the old 14 year olds because of social media.

Has she been on them long enough to be addicted? If she’s addicted to them it might be harder for her to stop

We do have sensible trials bike users in the forests though… but they’re adults

This has cracked me up 😂😂 Do they have sensible foot wear on too? 🤣

Play her some of the news videos about people who have ended up with collapsed lungs etc to scare her silly.

I think you are on very dodgy ground not wanting her to vape but buying her an e-scooter.

That's awful. It is seriously not good for someone to start that young. I started smoking at 14 and it's the worst decision I ever made.
You can try and cut off her finances. So give her food or credit at school canteen or whatever and bus ticket but no cash or card. That might work for a while. If she's told you the shop she gets it from can you report them for underage sale?

I work in a pru and know many 11yr olds who smoke weed and ride scooters. It’s the optimum age for county lines and a scooter is a bonus to those who want to exploit them.

As in they’re not dicks on the roads

my very impressionable dd was at a sleepover and almost passed out from over inhaling on a vape (she was 13). Advantage being she is terrified to try one again. Disadvantage for her was that sleepovers were banned and she was put on a much shorter leash!

now she is older she said that she can see how tiktok glamorises vaping and she is much more savvy about not accepting everything she sees. The vape companies are targeting teens and if you have one that is susceptible then you need to counteract it as much as you can.

I think it’s worth understanding what a ‘too mature’ 11 yo looks like and what you think is reasonable and ensuring you don’t give her the tools to become ‘too mature’. That can be making sure you understand her friends a bit better (which can be hard but giving kids a lift somewhere can be very illuminating!) or having more visibility over how she spends pocket money (bearing in mind there is always that kid who will gift things). Year 7 is hard - particularly in a new school

I hope that scooter is not going to be left charging overnight. The fire brigades have been warning about the number of fires started by them.

I know you say the thread isn't about that, but why are parents buying 11 year olds electric scooters. They're not road legal, even in the trial schemes you are meant to be at least 17 years old with a valid driving licence to use those ones, which are then speed limited and fitted with lights. Do you think your 11 year old will only use it on the "waste ground" and not anywhere else, on roads to and from there, to get to the shops, zipping around in parks etc? Will she be wearing a helmet while she's using it, have lights and reflective gear?

I read this story recently about a 13 year old who's dad let him borrow the older kid's scooter to go to the shops and I thought what an absolute idiot, what parent would do that. I can't believe parents are buying their even younger children their own illegal scooters to use and risk their lives on!

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/schoolboy-forced-learn-how-walk-33989526.amp

😂😂

@Mini1977 It's great you want to take everyone's feelings into account, but (and yes, I appreciate the irony here) perhaps your daughter's feelings on this matter are more relevant to take account of when formulating an appropriate response than those of strangers on the internet.