DD 11 caught vaping!

[Mini1977]

Went in to wake DD up for school this morning and found a vape in bed beside her.

I have been through every emotion all day at work angry with her, upset with myself feeling like I've failed as a parent and confused with how to deal with it.

I have taken her phone and iPad off her and grounded her but is this even going to stop it.

I've spoke with her to find out when it started, who it started with, how she's getting vapes etc and she's answered the questions I've asked.

I've explained the dangers of vaping and the effects it can have on her hobby that she wants to progress in.

Just looking for any advice really.
I cannot get my head around it at all I'm so disappointed in her.

At 11 I really think it’s something you need to get a handle on and at least at this age it’s easy-ish to cut it off because no money = no way to buy a vape. It’s much harder once older as they have their own money.

Sorry to hear this, it must be a shock ❤️

Is she in Year 7? It's absolutely rife in girls starting secondary school and has been for a couple of years now. You haven't failed as a parent - I was a year 7 form tutor a few years back and you'd be amazed how many parents felt the same way, but it's nothing to do with them and all to do with peer pressure and being part of the gang.

Do you think she's taken in what you've said about the possible consequences? Do you think it likely she'll continue vaping? I think that has to inform your next steps.

She won't be the first or last to try it, but eleven is very young.

You can't police her 24/7 but you can ground her for two weeks and insist she keeps her bedroom door ajar during that time. That way, short of locking herself in the bathroom, she isn't going to have much opportunity to vape and may break the habit.

Keep talking to her about the dangers and make it absolutely clear that if she is caught again, there will be further consequences.

So much of that kind of thing is about 'saving face' with your peers - so it might help her to have a few ready made responses for when her mates ask her why she isn't doing it:

"I don't actually like it"
"My mum can somehow smell it on me and she will take my phone"

Whatever works for her to not do it, but not feel left out.

No promises, but that is where I'd start.

@iwentjasonwaterfalls yeah she is year 7, in all honesty I'm not sure she got upset when I told her the consequences for her actions. I actually didn't think she would have done it in the first place but I obviously thought wrong so at this point I really don't know if she will do it again.

The girl she said she started it with they are no longer friends but I don't know if this is the truth because I did say she wouldn't be hanging around with the girl she originally said the vape belonged to anymore so not sure if she's just saying this other girl because they aren't friends anymore.

@SlightlyJaded she had asked for an electric scooter for Xmas and I bought it in she seen it arrive so knows she has it I've told her I'm sending it back.

Taking it to my mums on my next day off so it's out the house and she believes it's away.

Hoping that will make her realise I'm not Messing about.

Disposable Vapes don't last that long so wherever she got if from, it was very recently.

Don't get worked up thinking it's your fault, it's something kids are feeling under pressure to join in with and DD probably isn't that fussy for it but wants to fit in.

Might be worth letting the school know if one of her peers is 'dealing' in vapes though as your DD won't be the only one and there may be safeguarding issues for the other child.

I'd say she's probably telling you they aren't friends anymore to get you off her back, unfortunately. If she isn't worried by the consequences to her health and hobby, I think you'll struggle to convince her to stop with a grounding etc.

Talk to her school. Her form tutor will want to know, especially as it seems like vapes are being passed around on school grounds. The first term of Year 7 is a really delicate time so having the school's support on this will help.

slightly off the point sorry, but where is she going to use her electric scooter? I thought they weren’t legal on public land but maybe that’s changed?

Where at 11 are they being served? I’d maybe notify the council as they take this sort of thing seriously, my parents used to have a shop. Vaping wasn’t a thing then but council would send test purchasers in and issued fines if you were found to be selling cigarettes to underage people.

There were loads of shops fined around here a few weeks ago, on the local news. Also
had loads of vapes confiscated as I think they weren’t legal here, can’t remember why.

No, they are classed as road vehicles and need to be taxed, insured and the owner/user to have a licence.

I’d be more concerned about your parenting style if you bought your 11yr old an electric scooter, over catching her vaping.

Never thought about notifying the school which is a good idea because they could help elaborate the health concerns as well might make kids think differently of its coming from the school and not just us "strict" parents.

@User364837 there is waste ground near my house where she can ride it.

@Humphreyshead please explain how buying a scooter an issue with my parenting?

Have to say the scooter plus the vape sounds like she is growing up too fast. Has she recently started on tiktok etc?

I think you need to put the brakes on a bit

ime school will talk about it but maybe find out when your school plans to do it

@Bruisername scooters have been the in thing around the area for a few years quite a few kids have them and they all play around the waste ground. I really didn't think the scooter would have been an issue she loves her bike but hates the effort if taking it out the shed etc hence the scooter.

I think I’d encourage the bike tbh!

did she get her phone this year? I’d be careful why she’s looking at as my dd tells me there’s a lot of vape glamorisation

Google Popcorn Lung and get her to read up on the potential consequences of vaping - and show her the photos! Share all the articles that have been in the news about teen girls with collapsed lungs from vaping, speak to the GP to see if they can give advice/sit her down and explain the dangers - basically I’d try to terrify her into stopping

Taking it to my mums on my next day off so it's out the house and she believes it's away.

Why? What do you think she will learn from you pretending to send back her Christmas present?

You are not really supposed to use an e-scooter even on wasteland unless you have the owner's permission.
Police are too busy but they can seize them if they have time/space to do so.
I think that e-scooters and vaping are typical teenage things, and it sounds like she has come across this quite early.
You've had some good advice above, hopefully you can discourage the vaping, and maybe get her back interested in stuff more suited to her age. It's a minefield out there!

But you are messing about. You are intending to pretend to have sent it back when in reality it will be at your mums house, presumably because you still intend to give it to her at Xmas. That seems an awful lot like messing about.

In the questions you asked her, did you cover whether she enjoyed vaping, and if so what it was about vaping that she enjoyed? Have you sought to understand her perspective?

The electric scooter is at least as much of a risk to her.
Vaping is terrible but so is buying an 11 year old an electric scooter tbh

I'm also not sure how withdrawing a Christmas present helps here?

Ffs it's not like you caught her with class As.

Its just a vape. (popcorn lung isn't caused by vaping)

www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/causes-of-cancer/does-vaping-cause-popcorn-lung

No and if we are to get a grip on vaping kids we have to be truthful ,perpetuating myths isn't the way to do it.

As a teacher who has been in many vaping assemblies. Kids see through anything that isn't true. Then you lose the power.