13 month old refusing to eat without screen time

[Mumtobe202310]

Hi All,

I hope you all and your LOs are all well.

I have a 13 month old LO and recently he refuses to eat many foods, unless he has my phone to watch some thing. I put things like Miss Rachel or Puffin Rock or Guess how much I love you.

I have avoided screens as best as I could for a long time. Only until LO was maybe 6 months did I introduce it properly and even then he wasn't even used to it because I hardly used it for long prior then.

However, I have health conditions and also PND. I'm in waiting for therapy.

Therefore, it has been extremely hard recently to deal with physical pain and also emotional pain. Some days, my son would be watching puffin rock on the high chair in kitchen with phone rested against the egg box and he's happy smiling to it and I'm preparing his lunch and I'd suddenly start sobbing and wipe my tears before I turn around kind of thing. This is how it can get. But it really has made it hard and I had to resort to screens for quite a few hours a day to get things done.

I have started to take him out even for walks or the mall just to change scenery etc but of course I don't have it in me to do it everyday because of how I can feel.

But, recently because of all this screen time I feel he has become so used to it and he won't eat without it. Sometimes he is fine ill take it and he doesn't mind he will play etc. But, thing is, he don't look at me while I'm trying to sing him a nursery rhyme or try to make him gesture along with the songs. He hardly makes eye contact, except sometimes. Few months ago he would hum along to miss Rachel songs and even sit with me and shake his rattle or repeat certain songs in a hum back but he doesn't anymore. He doesn't say many words apart from Mum and dad in our language and even that he hardly uses so I ambstarting to worry.

Is there any way I can help encourage his speech and make him get accustomed to less screen time?

You need to stop the screens. Can you afford some childcare or do you have any family who can give you a break?

I was supposed to go back to work but quit because I wanted to make up for the time I felt I 'lost' due to all the trauma and feelings I felt after birth. Now, I take him to playgroup few times a week. I don't have family around who can help with a break too. My husband works most of the day so only with us for few hours. I have tried really hard since LO was few months old to read books etc and he loved them but now he is more used to screens and I feel so guilty. Don't get me wrong, I'm. not against screen time but I feel it has been overused here and it hurts my heart

Stop the screens right now. Don’t even look at your phone yourself at mealtimes. Don’t have it in the room.

You need to get help and support for yourself though, you don’t sound well at all. Hopefully some more posters will be along soon (or in the morning) with some suggestions.

You should be against screen time for a 13 month old.

Turn it off. It will make you feel better too.

Give him a book to look at - wipe clean if necessary. No screens at all from now on.

Are you kidding or what???

13 months??

As above, you should be against screen time. This is a baby you're taking about. This will be really damaging for your baby's development.
You need to stop it now. Cold turkey, it needs to stop. You may see people in restaurants giving kids a tablet or phone for an easy life but this isn't normal to do at home with babies.
I'm really sorry how harsh this reply is. I mean well. You need to get some support.

I agree with others about stopping the screen time and think you may have to go cold turkey and not let baby see your phone at all.
My son was off nursery for a week and DH and I had extremely busy weeks at work so used tv as a bit of a distraction. By the end of the week it was like he was addicted- we thought we would have to get rid of the tv entirely but it took a few days for him to forget about it

In your shoes I’d get medication from the GP to quickly resolve pnd then once better go cold turkey and remove screens completely. He might struggle initially but will get over it in a few days

Just go cold turkey.

13 months is too young for screen time, but get help for yourself first then take the screen away. Move his high chair to a window so he can look outside? Hide your phone too. You need a network of friends- hard to achieve but start with your doctor or a helpline. Do something to find help for yourself everyday. Good luck.

Also, if he's learning two languages at once he may be slow to talk, but then one day he'll speak to you in your language and English to others. He's only 13 months, many children don't talk much before the age of two so don't add that to your worries. He sounds like a healthy baby, you are a good mum.

What is the matter with you? The OP clearly talks about how she's struggling with her mental health and that's your response?

You say you are not against screens- but at 13mos you should be!

im sorry that you have been unwell, and struggled emotionally, but now you need to withdraw the screen completely, and you need to weather the challenging behaviour that will cause- it will be for a short time- but it will be hard, and you will need to draw on your strength to cope with the crying. But it will pass.

Sounds like he is addicted and I am not surprised about it if you introduced screen time at 6 month. I agree with the others you should completely remove him watching screen as there's no need at 13 months.

I am useless at technology, but can you make it appear 'broken'? I don't know how - does taking out the SIM card leave you with just a blank screen? He will cry and get upset, but you just shrug and say 'That's it, sorry.'

And then you NEVER use it when he is about.

And another thing - do you sit and eat together? That would be a good habit to have. If his mealtime doesn't fit in with yours at the moment, at least sit down opposite him at the table and have a cup of tea.

Important to remember with screen time, at any age really, it’s the type of screen that is the most important. Phones, iPads etc are a no go. If you need a break throughout the day I would watch 20-30 mins of TV together, so he can still look at you and see how you’re reacting, you can still model language, you can cuddle etc. What you’re watching is also super important. I’m a speech therapist and I wouldn’t let my kids within 100ft of Miss Rachel 🫠 Puffin Rock is great though, and the Julia Donaldson shorts on BBC iplayer are lovely and the perfect length.

Ditching the screens as a crutch to get stuff done or encourage things like eating will be the first step in improving your son’s speech and language skills. When you’re cooking, talk to him about what you’re doing, give him things to try (this will encourage him to try different foods too!), ask him questions etc. and then eat together!! Make lots of eye contact, talk about the food. This goes for any mundane task you’re doing, they learn a lot in these moments. As he gets a little bigger you can give him an active role, child safe knives, a duster and a spray bottle of water etc. anything to include him in what you need to get done!

All he really needs from you is your presence, if you’re having a day where that presence needs to be you just sat next to him on the sofa with a movie, I think that’s okay. You do need to be kind to yourself, but you can start with small changes that will make a big difference! X

🙈

Can you swap it with a fun book? A pop up or interactive book or something?
Just to break that cycle and get the screen ‘forgotten’.

Oh dear. Ditch the screen.

His brain is being occupied with watching whatever’s on, rather than communicating with you. Taking away the screen and making him watch mummy-tv will help! Sing lots of songs, read books to him. When he’s eating talking about the food.

It's really easy for people to criticise when they haven’t experienced what you have. Do your best, take help from a doctor, try a day in nursery if you can afford it (great for baby’s development and great for you to get things done!)

I think it would be good to return to work and send your child to nursery, for their sake as much as yours. A 13 month that has been watching screens since 6 months old will definitely be addicted. It’s very unhealthy for such young brains, you really need to be totally against it.

If your child was at nursery there would be no screens, they would learn from seeing other children eating, playing, napping etc. It would be a much healthier environment and you would have more energy to properly interact with them when you are together.

More informed posters than me on here. I wanted to say hugs, parenting is hard and please don’t beat yourself up. You’re trying to find a way through it all. But it sounds like he’s became too transfixed on the screen. I’d go cold turkey and not give him again. At this age he’ll forget very soon. He might protest for a bit but will be forgotten. If you need could you use a TV instead? And think of times and limits to how you use it? Eg we have TV in morning whilst having breakfast and getting ready or brief periods in day if need to get something done.

Read to him at mealtimes

I really hope this isn't real but if it is, I'd suggest you are somehow trying to keep your baby at a distance.

Think of getting rid of screens now as a present to future you and him, when you have a well adjusted 5 year old who can communicate well.