13 month old refusing to eat without screen time

[Mumtobe202310]

Hi All,

I hope you all and your LOs are all well.

I have a 13 month old LO and recently he refuses to eat many foods, unless he has my phone to watch some thing. I put things like Miss Rachel or Puffin Rock or Guess how much I love you.

I have avoided screens as best as I could for a long time. Only until LO was maybe 6 months did I introduce it properly and even then he wasn't even used to it because I hardly used it for long prior then.

However, I have health conditions and also PND. I'm in waiting for therapy.

Therefore, it has been extremely hard recently to deal with physical pain and also emotional pain. Some days, my son would be watching puffin rock on the high chair in kitchen with phone rested against the egg box and he's happy smiling to it and I'm preparing his lunch and I'd suddenly start sobbing and wipe my tears before I turn around kind of thing. This is how it can get. But it really has made it hard and I had to resort to screens for quite a few hours a day to get things done.

I have started to take him out even for walks or the mall just to change scenery etc but of course I don't have it in me to do it everyday because of how I can feel.

But, recently because of all this screen time I feel he has become so used to it and he won't eat without it. Sometimes he is fine ill take it and he doesn't mind he will play etc. But, thing is, he don't look at me while I'm trying to sing him a nursery rhyme or try to make him gesture along with the songs. He hardly makes eye contact, except sometimes. Few months ago he would hum along to miss Rachel songs and even sit with me and shake his rattle or repeat certain songs in a hum back but he doesn't anymore. He doesn't say many words apart from Mum and dad in our language and even that he hardly uses so I ambstarting to worry.

Is there any way I can help encourage his speech and make him get accustomed to less screen time?

But you should be against screen time. You seem to think that waiting until 6 months to “properly introduce screens” was a good thing, but no 6 month old should be regularly watching screens. Just like no 13 month should be regularly watching screens. You really need to nip this in the bud because it will only get worse. Get out of the house, go to groups, meet other people with babies. You really need to stop this destructive cycle.

Screens aways.
Books and toys out. Read, talk, sing and dance. Go exploring outdoor. Go to the pools. Go to the library.

The first days will be rough and then it will be fine. He is young. No harm done.

Talk to your GP and HV if they can sort help now and not later. You do great but deserve a bit of help and councelling. Being a new mum is hard!

A woman and by the sounds of it a new mother has written she breaks into sobs while simply making lunch (so clearly has PND) and this is your helpful and compassionate contribution?

OP, you have to get support. Go to a doctor and seek therapy and/or medication. I'd go cold turkey with the screens. It'll be very short term pain for you for long-term gain for your DC and you too. Like when a dummy is removed. Can feel so difficult at first and so tempting to give in but hold the line.

Your DC is bilingual (as are mine). It's common knowledge that they often have a speech delay then it happens very suddenly in bursts. I sometimes worried about mine as they'd stop talking for short periods but then they'd come out with a handful of new words quickly or with a short sentence after only saying words and amaze us.

Also, 13 months is still pretty young for speech. My DC have friends who didn't say anything until after this point, some a little while later even then could suddenly say many words.

Please see your GP first for support for you, and like PPs have said, ditch the phone/tablet. Sit with him at mealtimes, talk about what you're eating, use lots of simple words and sounds and have a few simple books handy. Build in a few songs during playing and your routines (head shoulders knees and toes is great for bath/changing time) so that your child can start to build understanding and vocabulary.

It's hard to avoid screens but you really need to take the lead and invest in this. Put yours away so it's out of sight and check out toddler sessions or groups locally to give you both a chance to get out of the house and have a break.

Screen time for babies and toddlers should be non existent and it's scary to think it's almost the norm now, the impact of too much visual stimulation on a developing brain really scares me

@Waitingforthecold

Can you explain for me why tablets/phones are worse than television for kids watching? I ask as my DD (7) prefers watching on an iPad and I’d like the reasoning to change that if need be.

Essentially it comes down to what these screens are typically used for and how they are used. So consider what typically is watched on a phone or tablet - they tend to be short, fast paced, we tend to watch it alone, it’s repetitive, there’s typically more ads etc. essentially you consume the content and it’s stimulates the brain but it’s not broken down.

The TV we typically use for longer, more constructed pieces of entertainment and we are more likely to engage in this activity with someone else so there are opportunities for discussion, social interaction (cuddles, laughing together, talking about how a particular thing we’ve seen has made us feel).

then how we use the screens - iPads or phones we naturally have to hold closer to our face, often children will use headphones too, so they completely block out the outside world and effectively spend time in a 2 dimensional space. If you’re watching TV you’re still alert to the space around you, you can make eye contact with others and consider how what you’re watching is making them feel (oh mum looks scared of that spider on the TV, let me move closer to her to make her feel safer - skills like empathy are still encouraged).

bottom line being, the content we consume and the way we consume it differs massively from tablet to TV. I hope that makes sense!

I do hope this is a joke as someone else said.
If not, it is sad and neglect. I am sorry you are struggling with parenting and health issues but your baby needs you.
Put the screens away and talk,sing, babble and play with your baby.
It's your job!

I would add that phones and tablets are much more readily available compared to TVs. We have friends and family with young kids and they don’t leave the house without the tablet. It is far too convenient and gets brought out on journeys, in restaurants and the moment the child shows any sign of being disruptive (even if it’s just totally normal behaviour or due to being tired).

With the TV it’s only accessible at home and in a certain room. The same families I mention above also use their TVs but you can see how the children behave completely differently around them. The tv might be on and showing exactly the same show that they were watching on the iPad the day before, but the child isn’t giving it 100% of their attention. They’re wandering around the room picking up toys, asking their parents questions, interacting with siblings. With the iPad they are glued to it. If you were to ask them a question they just wouldn’t acknowledge you.

Yeah 100%. It’s pretty sad that parents can feel so anxious about their children being disruptive. Some of the biggest learning opportunities to manage feelings and expectations lost 😞 I think it’s often a reflection of our society more than anything. I’ve noticed in mainland Europe where children are much more tolerated there are wayyyy less reliance on screens in public.

Hi everyone, thank you so so much for all the responses.

To those who have shown compassion through their words, thank you so so much, honestly I really really really appreciate it. And so much love and respect to you all❤️

And to those who think im making this up or who think it is neglect, I understand where you are coming from and understand you're just upset for the situation baby and I are in so I really appreciate you guys too❤️

Honestly speaking, from what it may sound like maybe many think it's not real or neglect but believe me, from pregnancy to birth to post partum and everything in between I have been trying so hard to make sure baby is well and healthy and happy.

I definitely will be taking the advice I received from these responses so thank you guys so much for such helpful advice

I pray only the best for all of you guys, because motherhood is seriously hard but the most rewarding job I've ever done❤️

6months isn’t “holding off on screens for a long time”!

Op to be blunt you are the parent, if you do t want him watching tv or videos on a phone while eating then you just don’t put it on. He will soon be able to eat without it. You have been the one creating the dependency not your child.

I’m sorry to hear about your mental health struggles, it isn’t easy at all.

I got pregnant when my DD was only 8 weeks old and suffered from PND so badly. I didn’t even realise until I gave birth to my second child but I relied on the TV so much because I felt as if I couldn’t cope. My DD was probably having 7-8 hours of screen time a day. It’d be on from when we woke up to when we went to sleep.

She’s now 3 and usually has 1 hour of screen time everyday. As you’re the parent, it’s up to you to monitor how much screen time they have/don’t have. Go to the GP and speak about antidepressants if you haven’t done so already. They helped my anxiety massively and I felt that I could cope with the children. I then reigned in the screen time and did other activities with DD. I’d suggest going cold turkey with your DC but you do need to focus on getting better. Good luck

My youngst bilingual child was 3 yo before she was talking. GP and nursery didn't worry at all. Now being 11 yo she is fluent in two languages and learning a 3rd.

I used a screen for language learning from around 1 yo. An app for children. But only with child with me (or her dad). Not for anything else. It was great for us and for very short time.

As above
terrible and lazy parenting practice

Try reading to them while they eat and do really animated voices while reading, my little niece laughs her head off when I do it for her, my sister calls me the Jim Carrey aunt 🤣 it's like a Ms Rachel live action and the reading is so good for their speech x

Unfortunately you've made a rod for your own back by introducing screens at such a young age and it has already become an addiction. You need to nip it in the bud now or it will start to impact all sorts of things in the future.
Children don't need screen time. Many generations up until recently did perfectly fine with books and toys and occasionally the TV but not at meal times.

No judgement here as I know you are struggling op but I would absolutely go cold turkey

no screens at all - he will soon forget

othersie his attention, speech, social skills will all be impaired and negative behaviours will increase

Are you entitled to health related benefits? PIP etc are not based on income . This could allow you to have some time each week with your child in nursery, you get to rest and put your health first and they get a stimulating interactive environment without screens

Oh wow, this is really good to know as it can feel a worry sometimes - and you'll always have a non-expert (usually a random mum in a baby group or someone on the bus) giving their advice that we should focus on English first then introduce the second language when they're about three or four. It doesn't bother me so much now but it really did in the earlier days when I wasn't as capable of thinking as rationally when sleep deprived and just trying my best.

No need. This is someone struggling

Do you realise how hards life can be with a child? Be kind!

Well done OP for posting here and asking for advice. This is mumsnet at its best and I hope the advice and tips you’re receiving - as well as a frank feedback! - is helpful. Keep using this forum as it doesn’t sound as though you have many other sources of parenting advice IRL.

No screens, it is immensely bad for your baby, will hurt their development as much as if you were giving her cigarettes.

Rip off the band aid and get rid of them.

Replace with yourself, toys, music, books, even TV (not YouTube - it’s the visual equivalent of junk food, stick to BBC / CBeebies, no ads). Keep getting advice and making your own standards as the screen issue is one we are all grappling with throughout childhood and teenage years. Good luck.

I'm sorry you're suffering with PND and it's important to get medical help for that. But the constant screens need to stop. It will be tough going cold turkey but not as tough as the consequences of an addicted child.

Waiting until 6 months old isn't 'holding off' on screens - there's absolutely no way a baby should be watching screens at all.

Can you read to him/ prop up books, sing, make up little picnic meals to eat on the floor with his soft toys around to make it a 'tea party', invite another mum and child over so you're eating together? Whatever works to have a successful meal time without a screen.

If you were planning to go back to work then why not consider this? Sounds like your child will benefit from nursery - there won't be screens, there'll be lots of group activities which will help him to experience lots of different kinds of play.

Screens are horribly addictive. It will be tough but it will be the best thing you can do for your child to break this addiction.