I can't breastfeed

[Csmar]

I can’t breastfeed and this is breaking me!

My baby had a tongue tie and can’t latch properly ( although sometimes I put him on the boob and he gets sone milk). Tongue tie removed but he’s too used to the bottle now. He’s 8 weeks old.
I absolutely hate pumping. It’s so time consuming and I can’t find the right size of flange an my nipples hurt and are swollen. My supply is becoming less and less when I pump (currently just make myself pump twice a day) so this journey is naturally coming to an end.

I just loved so much to breastfeed him and have these moments. I’m grieving so much not experiencing it ever again I cry every day and feel guilty for not pumping more often but I simply can’t do it.

Has anyone had the same experience/feelings? How can I move on and not being so emotional about it? I know formula is absolutely fine and I’m not worried with that, it’s just the bond thing that I’m grieving.

Can you get a Haakaa I struggled with my supply and pumping and did our own combi feeding (we had massive weight loss and were readmitted on day 5) thing but the most success I had was with a Haakaa-it still wasn't a huge amount but over the day I'd get enough for a bottle!

It's a real rabbit hole and I spent hundreds of pounds on breast pumps and BF supplements but made it to 8months doing our little regime bit when my MH nosed dived again I realised it was time to stop!

Yes I was sad but now months on I'm super proud I did what I did and I simply don't give it a thought anymore!

I understand. My first couldn't latch properly due to my extremely flat nipples and I tried many nipple shields none of which really helped because by the time I'd figured it out, he preferred bottles.
I felt insanely jealous seeing other mums casually lifting their top whilst I had to pump. I exclusively pumped for months.
In terms of bonding, I think because life was so much easier once he was on formula, that actually came easier. I was able to enjoy him more not be constantly washing pump parts.
I am nursing my second currently and I will say it is very healing. Everything I learnt with my first came in useful and I knew what kind of nipple shields suited me, how to wake a sleepy baby to feed, how to say enough to get the HCP to just let me figure it out without interference.
The bond I have with each child is the same, no question.
I will add, though it sounds like you've made your decision and are winding down pumping, if you do decide to continue, it got hugely easier for me after 3 months. I was able to stop pumping overnight and baby was on a nice regular schedule where I could pump and feed simultaneously. That saved heaps of time. Have a look at the FB group exclusive pumping mamas, they know so much there about flange sizes etc.

I couldn't breastfeed my first for a whole variety of reasons and I felt like I'd failed. I pumped for as long as I could but my supply just kept dwindling and I ended up pumping 8 times a day to get less than 10mls a time. I got some (terrible) advice to try power pumping to increase my supply. I was getting up through the night to pump for ages for no milk. I was so determined to make it work but I couldn't. Now that I'm out of the fog of dealing with a new baby with lots of health issues on no sleep can see that this was all completely bonkers and I was just making myself miserable. When I stopped pumping I felt a lot better. Ultimately, starting solids gave me back a sense of control and I felt much better about things. That time where breastfeeding was all consuming passed very quickly, if I had my time again, I'd have tried less hard, it wasn't as important as I thought it was and it has not been measure of how good a parent I am or how strong my bond with my kid is.

Decide what you want to do and make your peace with it. It's dragging things out with diminishing returns that makes you feel absolutely shit. This feeling won't last. Babies are constantly changing and needing different things, soon you'll be playing and showing them the world, trying different foods and making them laugh. What they drank for the first few months won't matter to you any more.

I went through absolute hell trying to breastfeed. I thought it was beautiful and I still think that, but I also think the worship of it at the cost of so much else is huge. Formula is a miraculous invention and we are so lucky to live in an age and country where we can use it. It’s still really hard, I loved the moments I tried to breastfeed.

People will tell you to pump 8-12 times a day, then put baby to breast then bottle feed her pumped milk. Doing this made me seriously unwell and didn’t increase my supply because I was getting no sleep. I went on pumping for ten months because of some weird guilt about it, then my supply disappeared.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Breastfeeding can be beautiful but there are so many beautiful moments between parent and baby and if it’s harming you it can be terrible xx

I don't think it necessarily needs to be the end of your breastfeeding journey! Talk to a lactation consultant.

Try nipple shields. They will protect your nipples and your baby will think its a bottle.
please don't be so hard on yourself. As long as the baby is fed (breast or formula) is best.

Reach out to your infant feeding team for advice so they can support you to continue breastfeeding if that's what you'd want

Like PP I also found breastfeeding absolute hell, it was agony, baby couldn't latch due to tongue tie, I had really low supply etc etc. Midwives and HV made me pump 8-12 times a day and I was literally getting no sleep as I was just pumping and steralising all night, it was awful. Switching to FF was the best decision ever, I had feelings of guilt for a long time afterwards but now baby is nearly 2 and has been weaned for ages I never even think about it. Please don't feel guilty, I don't think you create a bond with the baby through feeding anyway. All the lovely cuddles you are giving all day will create the bond, not the way you feed. In the future no one will ever ask or care how you fed the baby so please don't feel pressure to continue pumping or breastfeeding if it's not working for you.