Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

OK Mumnetters, give me all sides of the having another, only child child debate

32 replies

ljhooray · 23/04/2008 21:00

Evening everyone,
So dd is now 14 months and the question of having another is starting to become a topic of conversation. I am so overjoyed with dd that I don't have a strong drive for another, but neither am I against it in anyway. DD is such a sociable little thing, I don't want to deny her the opportunity of a brother or sister. I am much younger than my sisters, so to be honext, I'm only close to them now I'm in my 30's. Saying that I then had a niece that was just 4 years younger than me and it certainly made holidays more fun!

But I know going from 1 to 2 will be quite a different dynamic so please, share with me all your stories as I'm utterly confused!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

posieflump · 23/04/2008 21:01

do you feel broody?
once the hormones kicked in I couldn't stop thinking about having another
my two love each other to bits, yes they fight but they have loads of fun too

Original poster

ljhooray · 23/04/2008 21:05

Could be a bit hormonal! But main thing for me would be what it would give dd. What's the gap between yours?

OP posts:

posieflump · 23/04/2008 21:06

2 and a half years

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

LyraSilvertongue · 23/04/2008 21:10

I think children benefit from having a sibling close enough in age to play and interact together.
My DSs are just under two years apart and they have their own friends but they love to play together, share a bedroom, play together in the bath, explore on the beach on holiday, wake up on Christmas mornings together. All those things you tend not to do with a friend.
Tbh I couldn't imagine only having one, having 3 siblings myself.

Divastrop · 23/04/2008 21:10

i only has the one child for 11 months and from what i can remember those 11 months were far,far harder than anything i experience now with 5 children.things just got so much easier after i had my second.i think it was just because i had no choice but to get organised.

Original poster

ljhooray · 23/04/2008 21:11

Was thinking about trying after the summer so would be about the same. What was the main difference from one to two?

OP posts:

LyraSilvertongue · 23/04/2008 21:11

Mine fight too but they adore each other.
I sometimes sit outside their bedroom door and listen to their chats while they're lying in bed. They're so sweet. They're 3 and 5 btw (soon to be 4 and 6)

posieflump · 23/04/2008 21:11

oh yes they love bathtime together!

LyraSilvertongue · 23/04/2008 21:13

I found it harder work at first but much easier now. People I know who have one say their child always wants them to get involved with what they're doing whereas if you have two they play/read/talk together so you can get on with other things without feeling guilty.

LyraSilvertongue · 23/04/2008 21:14

That sounds like I ignore them completely. {grin]
It is harder to have one-to-one time with them though.

choosyfloosy · 23/04/2008 21:18

I think if you want another child, the reasons to have another will always sound better.

I would like ds to have a sibling but I just cannot face it, it's that simple. I don't feel in the least broody, although i did for a bit when ds was around 18 months to 2.5 years, esp when everyone around me was having another. DS has very few only child friends - he asked me the other day 'is there anyone else like me, just one'

in the end though, it's better for him to have two healthy parents who are together, and I couldn't guarantee either of those things if we had another child.

Fillyjonk · 23/04/2008 21:22

I don't think you should have another child unless YOU want one

That said, I have three, and they adore each other. They have so much in the way of shared memories. I am so glad I have them all and so glad they are close in age.

Original poster

ljhooray · 23/04/2008 21:30

So everyone, question for those of you with more than one, what's more difficult with two and what's easier?

OP posts:

LyraSilvertongue · 23/04/2008 21:32

Being at home easier with two.
Going out easier with one.

LyraSilvertongue · 23/04/2008 21:33

Bedtimes and mealtimes harder with two because they mess about together.

newgirl · 23/04/2008 21:35

my two have quite a gap - 2 and 6 and they get on great - i am amazed to be honest. My 6 year old loves having a younger sister. It is lovely to watch them. It may not last in to adulthood, but it makes them very happy at the moment. They play together really well - i dont think siblings have to be very close in age to play together - it depends more on their personalities.

pinacolada82 · 23/04/2008 21:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster

ljhooray · 23/04/2008 21:43

Thanks Pinacolada82, think that's my main concern really. I know if it wasn't for my niece, it would have been pretty lonely and certainly when they moved away, I felt lost without the company. Feels like a grew up quite fast with just adult company

OP posts:

pinacolada82 · 23/04/2008 22:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

cory · 23/04/2008 23:05

ljhooray on Wed 23-Apr-08 21:30:31
"So everyone, question for those of you with more than one, what's more difficult with two and what's easier?"

Looking after a baby at the same time as a toddler was harder work than having a baby the first time. And I found I had to put some extra work into keeping baby safe from over-enthusiastic toddler.

On the plus side, I was not spending so much time fussing and worrying about the baby- because I didn't have the time. Which was quite a blessing.

As they've grown older, sometimes it's harder to juggle. When one of them needs to get to school and the other is ill in bed, for instance. Or one wants time for an important conversation and the other needs help with homework.

On the plus side, they entertain each other. And the younger sibling learns lots from the older sibling. So part of the parenting gets done for you.

It is harder work when they squabble or when they encourage each other to mess about.

But nothing could be lovelier than seeing them comfort each other and help each other and share a joke together. Sometimes I come into dd's bedroom at night and find them both snuggled up together because ds has been worried about something and she's cuddled him to sleep. When he had an accident, she packed his hospital bag. When she went through an angry phase, he used to take her side and try to mediate between us. It is lovely to see them be proud of each other.

Still, none of the above is a reason to have another child- or not to have one. The only sensible reason to have a child is because you want one.

Minniethemoocher · 24/04/2008 09:38

I am an only child, was lonely as a child (and as an adult, especially with disabled parents and then when my Dad died) I am pregnant with baby No.2, there will be a five year gap, not planned, just took a long time to conceive our 2nd child.

I am a little worried about the big age gap between them and how my "little princess" will cope with a new baby.

Good side is that DD will be at school so I will have time for the baby during the day.

As adults 5 years doesn't matter, but it is a bigger gap than I would have wanted for children.

Fillyjonk · 24/04/2008 09:45

god you know what I find haardest about having 2?

They gang up together. They start these incredible imaginary games and it is impossible to get them to get dressed. If I tell one of them off, I get a lecture from the other one.

(I have 3 but dd2 is a baby)

Nagapie · 24/04/2008 09:54

If you want more kids and you feel you have the resources to cope with another child, go for it.

My mum is an only child and I know she would have loved to have had a brother or a sister - especially now that she is solely responsible for her 95 yo mum ...

I think siblings add a certain dimension to growing up that can't be replaced by friends or other family members..

Twiglett · 24/04/2008 09:55

sibling love can be amazing

Original poster

ljhooray · 24/04/2008 10:29

I think Nagapie has summed up what I truly feel about it. From a purely selfish side, it's scary thinking about looking after another baby whilst taking care of dd (I run my own business too so I think it's a workload thing that I find scary!) But you're right, there is something about a sibling that is simply different from other relationships.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2