OK Mumnetters, give me all sides of the having another, only child child debate

[ljhooray]

Evening everyone,
So dd is now 14 months and the question of having another is starting to become a topic of conversation. I am so overjoyed with dd that I don't have a strong drive for another, but neither am I against it in anyway. DD is such a sociable little thing, I don't want to deny her the opportunity of a brother or sister. I am much younger than my sisters, so to be honext, I'm only close to them now I'm in my 30's. Saying that I then had a niece that was just 4 years younger than me and it certainly made holidays more fun!

But I know going from 1 to 2 will be quite a different dynamic so please, share with me all your stories as I'm utterly confused!!!

I had several traumatic miscarriages after my ds and decided that the stress was too much and so stopped trying for another baby.

All I can say is that it is the biggest regret of my life that I didn't keep trying for more children. There is a space in our family and it is now too late to do anything about it. I love my ds more than anything and we have a lovely life but know that it would still have been enhanced by another child.

I was an only and yes I had a lovely childhood. But it was quiet and I did get a lot of adult attention which as I got older and wanted to make my own mistakes, I didn't always like.

I have three dc of my own and their childhood seems more fun and carefree and much much less introspective than mine was, looking back.

They are also learning to stand up for themselves better than I could at that age and negotiate.

Being an only made me confident in adult situations but not in the hurly burly of school and I wasn't a great joiner-inner with my peers nor was I confident at school.

I think there is also a tendency to become part of your parents marriage too. I see it with a friend who has just one. They include their dc in an overly adult way in decisions which is ok sometimes but a bit odd at others.

I remember my parents going through a bad patch for a few years when I was about 13 and I'm sure I was more involved than was necessary because you are more aware of their problems.

I'm not saying it's the end of the world if you have just one. I enjoyed my childhood. My parents were quite young and good fun. I'm ok about it but it wasn't until I had my 3 that I realise that siblings can have such fun and be so supportive to each other. They also play and play together in a ready made gang. Women I know with only children are always looking for playmates to bring home. (Actually, mine didn't do that and it was pretty quiet at times.)

Now at 43, and my parents running into the occasional health problem, there is a bit of me that would rather like to know I had a sister or brother who grew up with me and understands the dynamic of my family.

Message withdrawn

Hi Tsarchasm, thank you so much for sharing that with me, I could really relate to that and I have struggled as an adult to remove myself from the constant introspection.
I found myself as family mediator when growing up and although not entirely an only child, my siblings were almost adults when I came along. My mum was also in ill health so I spent much of the time looking after her when getting home from school. Of course I hope that is not something my dd will ever need to face but it's really reminded me what it was like growing up in an adult centric environment.

Hi Tsarchasm, thank you so much for sharing that with me, I could really relate to that and I have struggled as an adult to remove myself from the constant introspection.
I found myself as family mediator when growing up and although not entirely an only child, my siblings were almost adults when I came along. My mum was also in ill health so I spent much of the time looking after her when getting home from school. Of course I hope that is not something my dd will ever need to face but it's really reminded me what it was like growing up in an adult centric environment.

Yes things can be a bit on the serious grown-up side as an only child.

Of course there are many pluses and minuses to any situation.

I'm very close to my parents and I bet there are many people who grew up in busy homes with lots of siblings who loathed every second. None of us can know what the opposite experience would really have been like for us personally.

I can see it seems daunting to have more after the first dc. I did my usual introspective angst on the whole dilemma myself. I'd always said I'd not opt to have an only child, but I was worried about coping as I'd had no exerience of a large family. If it wasn't for dh who made me get a move on, I'd still be weighing it all up now. Even about having any at all

I don't deny I have on many occasions felt overwhelmed with how to manage mine and I went through an exhausting and totally unrealistic stage of trying to treat them all as only children, which they are not.

Probably I would only have gone as far as two dc - that was the plan. But my gorgeous twins came next and I don't regret a minute of it. It's chaotic and fun. It's taught me to lighten up and go with things instead of trying to manage every little thing.

I still struggle with this at times though and get tied in knots attempting to micro manage everyone.

If it's worrying about loving another one the same, you do. It doesn't get diluted it gets added to. You have more than enough love and seeing your children so alike and so unalike at the same time is fascinating.

having several kids is just FUN

I never got this til dd2 was born, actually

agree with the fish, 2 is good but 3 is even better