Second boy on the way, panicking!

[Ellebel]

I have just found out that an early gender scan was incorrect and I am in fact having a second boy. My first son is two and although I love him, he has always been incredibly hard work. As a baby he endlessly cried, never slept, as a toddler the outbursts come thick and fast, often with violence. When he’s in a good mood he is fabulous, but these moments are quite few and far between. I convinced myself it would be easier second time round because I was having a girl. I appreciate this may well not have been the case. I guess having grown up with just my Mum and having had an incredibly close bond and her telling me often how easy I was to raise I imagined I would get this second time round and everything would just be easier. I know the main thing is baby two is healthy, and I am so fortunate to be carrying a second child. I guess I just want reassurance and advice from anyone that has parented two young boys, especially when at least one is completely wild and hard to control. Did you survive with two?! Were they similar or different to eachother? I already feel like I am struggling to be a good mum, despite honestly really trying my best, and am now terrified I will be even worse once two young boys with never ending energy running about the place. Thank you x

. I appreciate this may well not have been the case.

Yes Op, you’re right there!

Mum of two boys here, ages 9 and 6.

It's hard OP, so hard. And I don't believe it's harder with two girls, everyone I know with two girls might have one that's trickier than the other, but I would put money on them still being 90% easier than either of my boys.

Mine are very very different. Neither are your typical football crazy boy, both like reading, eldest loves lego, youngest loves drawing and colouring.

But different to girls, boys are non conformists, so they are HARD. Both have had challenges at school, and at friend and family get togethers I have to watch them like a hawk.

I'm sad I didn't have a girl! In fact there's many days I wish I'd had two girls and no boys which is what I'd pictured.

It’s great having two boys, with a 2-3 year age gap, as they have a ready-made playmate. Good luck!

OP I never believed people who said 'no two are the same' until I had two of my own. Chalk and cheese! Both boys. You'll be fine. Congratulations on your pregnancy

Not sure those issues are related to the sex of a baby!
I in fact am worried a girl may be harder work because I have so many nieces who are VERY high maintenance whereas my nephew and son are very calm and chill.

everyone is different though, has nothing to do with the sex imo.
most people find their kids are opposites in many ways.

Well I have 3 boys, number 1 and number 3 were so easy it was ridiculous! Number 2 a bit trickier, It's purely down to personality!

Dsis has two girls, number 1 seriously hard work, number 2 totally chilled.

And someone once gave me a tip about boys - you need to exercise them every day (eg go to park for physical fun etc) to help keep them a bit calmer.. and learning the drums (when a bit older) can also help (it is a very physical release)!

Personality/ how easy or hard your baby is has NOTHING to do with the sex. Lots of women on MN seem to think as they are female, girls are easier. Not necessarily. 2nd child is easier anyway, you know what you're doing.

Personally, I was always thankful not to have to struggle with girls more complicated clothes and hair!! (Tights on a wriggling baby? Octopus and string bag come to mind!)

I’m a mum to a lovely little boy, who to be fair sounds similar to yours in some ways. Also currently pregnant and hoping the chances of having essentially round 2 of the same are slim!

I have the opposite and have 2 girls. They are total chalk and cheese. My first was very demanding of your time and attention, very clingy and still doesn't sleep through the night age 6.

My second (age 21 months) is wild, she is much more independent than my first was and not clingy at all but is always up to mischief and I have to be on high alert all the time- more than for your average toddler.

My point is that boys or girls, no 2 children are the same. Also that personality traits aren't always linked with the sex of your child. There are challenges raising both boys and girls.

For those claiming there’s no difference, how do you explain the huge, astronomical difference in numbers of men in prison versus women? Number of violent crimes committed by men versus women? Number of women killed by men every day in the world, versus number of men killed by women?

Are you insinuating males are genetically violent and murderous?

@MissyB1 more so than females, absolutely. It can’t all be societal expectation.

How would you explain the difference, worldwide?

Your child’s temperament is pure luck.

Ds1 was like your ds1. He’s now an adult and has settled down emotionally but it was hard at times.

Ds2 is super easy. He skipped terrible twos and threenager, never in trouble at school and he was a moody teen but that meant not wanting to talk to me for a few years rather than being violent, doing drugs etc

Three boys here and all different - all have their easy parts and their absolutely bonkers drive you up the wall parts!

Having said that, the second was definitely easier, and with the third I was hoping it would be another boy as I felt I at least knew what to expect (plus we already had boys clothes etc!).

I also seem to have acquired a bunch of good friends who all also have three boys, make of that what you will!

My mum is sad that I've not had a girl, but I'm not sad about it. :)

I have two girls (and a boy on the way) and my girls are absolutely chalk and cheese. The oldest is very calm - the second girl is feral and like a puppy. I wouldn't worry! Sex is not the defining factor in your young childs temperament.

Just to reassure you that I have two boys and they are very unike each other.
They are young adults now and serioulsy, all throughout their life so far theve been different. One slept, the other not. One walked early the other not. One had massive tantrums/meltdowns, the other not etc etc

They will be what they will be, each with their own temperament.

My first boy sounds like yours. My second is 10 months and so far has been infinitely easier.

I would suggest the men in those situations have had a poor upbringing or are from cultures where women aren't valued, the stepmother in Sara sharifs case certainly isn't innocent.
Everyone has the capacity for evil.
Thankfully most people can read the fucking room and see this thread isn't an appropriate place for a slinging match over men vs women.

My eldest is a girl and she's much more, err, intense, than my son! My DPs consider my DB their 'easy' child too compared to me and my DSis, haha! I don't think sex has anything to do with any of that!

I have 2 boys and I would say compared to my friends with girls my teenage years with them have been easier. My boys especially ds24 have had their moments but both are quite gentle.

I have 2 boys with a 2 year age gap. Look really similar but oh my goodness they are like chalk and cheese.
Both are fun, lovely and cuddly and mostly play well together.
But...DS1 was an angle child. DS2 is exhausting. Never slept, shrieks, tantrums even at 8. Willfully does things he's been told not to do. Such hard work. Cute as a button and lovely when he's in a good mood.
But they have common interests and it's lovely when they play together or get into some Lego project (until they have a fight ...)

3 boys here, first autistic and extremely high needs. Never slept, lots of behavioural issues. I still absolutely adored him and have been extremely protective of him; fought all his childhood for a diagnosis and the appropriate education

DS2 absolutely loving and kind and the most selfless young man ever. However an autistic child I was quite taken how much attention, love, and time he needed, I found it a bit overwhelming

DS3, a complete dream. Slept from day 1, has always been sunny, happy, everyones friend, one of those kids that is just charmed

Sex means nothing

Lego/ reading, they sound absolutely dreadful.

It isn't hard having boys, I feel sad for your disappointment in yours

I am one of 4 girls, I went to an all girls school, I am very girly. Not once have I ever wished I had girls instead of my beautiful boys, and I have not had an easy journey

Personalities are just that. There is no "all boys are like this" , "all girls are like that. Everyone is different.