Why is my 3.5 week old a different baby in the evenings?

[Decaffe]

He is mostly calm and placid all day. Will feed, sleep, be changed, and have a (very little) bit of awake time. He doesn’t always like being changed, especially if he pees during it which prolongs the process. He will posset after almost every feed, which I’ve been told is normal. No tongue tie. Nappies full and regular. But mostly, it’s all good.

Come the evenings..! He gets very distressed with changes. The only way to console him is feeding… but it’s as though he over feeds, doesn’t know when to stop. He then needs to be winded, which distresses him more. The only way to fix it is through feeding (We tried a soother but it doesn’t work.), at which point the cycle begins again. He also gets the hiccoughs in the evening, again this distresses him. Because of all this, he doesn’t sleep as much as he does in the day. So a lot of it might be that he’s over tired.

Right now, DH is currently trying to soothe him… about 1.5 hours ago I changed his nappy which led to utter distress - feeding - hiccoughs - distress! He hasn’t really had a sleep for about six hours ☹️ just a 30 min nap on DH a couple of hours ago.

What is it about the evenings that leads to this? Should we all aim to be in bed for 7pm?!

It's the witching hour!

Sorry, it sucks. You'll eventually find coping strategies.

Definitely sounds like witching hour. I can't remember how long ours lasted but everything with a small child is a phase so nothing lasts forever! We went through a phase of just existing through witching hour and tag teaming having dinner/getting a shower etc. we sacrificed our evenings for a few months as I would go to sleep around 8 and sleep through until about 1, DH would do a feed about 11 and then go to bed for the night. By the time I was up at 1 I'd had a decent amount of sleep and could function despite napping the rest of the night. Again this didn't last forever either but neither of us are good on minimal sleep so was the best thing for us to do.

This is now considered outdated advice in the lactation community 😊

OP it can be due to your milk supply. Our bodies as well as a baby's have a circadian rhythm and your prolactin (milk making hormone) level is at its lowest at this point of the day. Your breast is still producing milk but at a slower rate - imagine you go to a water fountain when you're thirsty and it's a trickle instead of a gush! So your baby gets grumpy and keeps feeding and the feeds get shorter and shorter and closer and closer together, and their latch slips so they get gassy and then go back to the breast for comfort from the gassy feeling but the latch isn't great so they take ij more air ...

This is all normal behaviour. It's frustrating, but normal. Get your latch checked, make sure it's optimal, eat snacks and find a good series to binge. Get yourself to bed as early as possible once baby calms, let your husband hold the sleeping baby and stay up, then you do night waking.

We didn't bother with a bedtime until ours were 6 months and able to sleep alone. Once they were through the cluster feeding stage, they slept in a moses basket in the living room with us until we went up to bed at 10 when after a feed they went into the cot in our room.
Once they could be in their own room to sleep we started the bedtime routine for around 7pm.

It's very normal newborn behavior op. Have a read of the fourth trimester. Babies tend to be more settled during the day and fussy in the evenings, they breastfeed lots ie cluster feed, to increase your supply, it's really normal.
Foremilk and hindmilk is quite an old fashioned concept now, breast milk is breast milk, feed baby whenever they want to feed. Your prolactin levels are high at night, this is the hormone that makes your milk, and the reason why babies are designed to feed lots at night. You can't fix it, you don't need to, baby will grow out of it.
Have a read of this, it may help. Make sure the advice you take re breastfeeding is evidence based, the breastfeeding network is good.
https://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussy-evening/
I think trying to get a 3 week old in bed for 7pm will be really difficult, hold them while you watch TV, feed, and repeat til you're ready to sleep, and sleep when they sleep.

Sympathy OP. It's hard and it seems never ending. But as others have said, this, like so many things will pass....basically for everything babies, toddlers, kids and teens, just keep telling yourself it's just a phase and will pass.....