Why is my 3.5 week old a different baby in the evenings?

[Decaffe]

He is mostly calm and placid all day. Will feed, sleep, be changed, and have a (very little) bit of awake time. He doesn’t always like being changed, especially if he pees during it which prolongs the process. He will posset after almost every feed, which I’ve been told is normal. No tongue tie. Nappies full and regular. But mostly, it’s all good.

Come the evenings..! He gets very distressed with changes. The only way to console him is feeding… but it’s as though he over feeds, doesn’t know when to stop. He then needs to be winded, which distresses him more. The only way to fix it is through feeding (We tried a soother but it doesn’t work.), at which point the cycle begins again. He also gets the hiccoughs in the evening, again this distresses him. Because of all this, he doesn’t sleep as much as he does in the day. So a lot of it might be that he’s over tired.

Right now, DH is currently trying to soothe him… about 1.5 hours ago I changed his nappy which led to utter distress - feeding - hiccoughs - distress! He hasn’t really had a sleep for about six hours ☹️ just a 30 min nap on DH a couple of hours ago.

What is it about the evenings that leads to this? Should we all aim to be in bed for 7pm?!

He’s now back on my boob after being inconsolable with DH. And so now this is going to have to lead to winding and a change when really he just needs more sleep! He had almost gone to sleep in DH’s arms but got the hiccoughs which distressed him. In the evenings it’s as though small things set off the distress in a way that doesn’t happen in the mornings or afternoons. We don’t understand why?!

Could be colic

It is sometimes said that colicky babies are more colicky in the evening

It's not unusual to have this pattern. Tiredness, wind, reflux can all cause this. Feeding is soothing, baby feels safe and comfortable. Is more sleep happening during the day than the night? Sometimes babies body clocks are round the wrong way and more wakeful at night for longer. I only know that from coming across it, even at this age my first especially barley slept and was awake for long periods of time.

I have never known anything different. Isn't it so common it's almost the norm and called witching hours? As in, baby becomes so different at night must be under a spell? Usually lasts a few months and ranges from 5-11pm for a good few hours there.

Nothing fixes it but growing into their guts and becoming aware they're born and safe. All standard fourth trimester stuff.

Survival, snacks/drinks for you, and tiger in the tree hold, baby wearing etc for your husband, on and off the boob are the go tos for every baby here.

So many threads on here about how to cope/make sense of normal baby behaviour there should be a basic this is what to expect in the 0-1 year course.

What is it about the evenings that leads to this? Should we all aim to be in bed for 7pm?!

Sorry to sound harsh, but yes! Of course. What did you expect? You have to just go to bed early for a while and deal with baby in shifts with your partner. That's just how it is with babies.

Try as many different dummies as you can and he might take to one which will help a bit. But they cluster feed when they need to and no baby will accept a dummy when they genuinely want to feed. It's not all about comfort, they cluster feed for hoooours when breastfed to establish your supply.

This is a very short window of time in your life. It will pass, but yes it's hellish for a while. Sort out a shift pattern with your husband to deal with the baby and sleep at any opportunity you can.

Hi OP, yes it’s very common. It’s called colic and lots of babies really struggle with this time in the evening. Until about 3 months old I think. We never found a solution, just waited it out! But yes lots of my friends swore by a 7/730pm bedtime. Not sure why both of you would also need to go to bed then though?

What is it about the evenings that leads to this? Should we all aim to be in bed for 7pm?!

To answer the second question first - yes. As much as you can, you need to sleep when the baby sleeps. Otherwise you will be exhausted and running on empty. That leads to PND.

As for evenings, it’s not unusual. It’s called the witching hour. Babies get crankier at night. There are a few theories as to why it happens including, as other posters have mentioned, colic.

In your shoes, I’d first try Infacol and also a different method of burping. Google ‘tiger in the tree’ burping.

Also, your baby is just 3.5 weeks old. I promise you that everything, including this, is just a phase and you will get through it. 💐

Once they're a month old you can try gripe water. We used an old infacol bottle, sterilised it and put it in that. The bulb bit holds about a teaspoon.
When m'y DC was little there were théories about fore milk and hind milk with more sugary fore milk causing colic. You can promote the hind milk by sleeping in the afternoon when your baby sleeps. It's while you sleep that you producer the hormone that favours the hind milk.

I never managed 7pm bedtimes with babies that small! Both mine were peak cluster feeding at that stage - fed more or less continually between 6-10 pm until they were about 6 weeks old. Maybe it's different if you formula feed, but I combi fed my first, and it was the same with him.

We called that the witching hour with dd. We assumed colic.

I struggled with this with my second for about a week until I realised that she wasn't the nightmare baby my first was (severe reflux, multiple ties, cmpa, etc), but that she in fact wanted to go to bed at around 5.30pm lol. She doesn't sleep through, but she still enjoys a big lie in every day at almost 3, which is at complete odds to my early bird first.

Some babies really like sleep. Try bed time at least an hour earlier, the usual quiet, darker room, soothing sounds etc.

Very normal. My newborn babies went crazy every evening from around 6pm. We called it the 'witching hour'. They grow out of it.

But yes lots of my friends swore by a 7/730pm bedtime. Not sure why both of you would also need to go to bed then though?

True, I suppose DH could stay up and enjoy the evening!

Sorry to sound harsh, but yes! Of course. What did you expect?

I didn’t expect a 7pm bedtime as the nurses have told me repeatedly that newborns have no sense of time or night and day. So we haven’t been following a time based routine etc. I guess we will just have to eat dinner immediately upon DH coming home from work and then head upstairs!

I have looked at the NHS page for colic and I don’t think it’s that as he doesn’t display the symptoms on the checklist (clenched fists, windy, crying for over three hours etc).

I guess it’s reassuring that this is normal but I’d still love to know the reason for it.

You can promote the hind milk by sleeping in the afternoon when your baby sleeps. It's while you sleep that you produce the hormone that favours the hind milk.

Ah, this is interesting. I haven’t been able to sleep in the daytime at all, because DS will only be held while sleeping. He won’t go down in the cot, Moses basket etc. So I’m not getting much sleep apart from overnight (when we have to co-sleep).

And yes, off to Google tiger in the tree!

Fussing and feeding in the evenings is normal. It will pass - at some point! I used to go into a dark room, get comfy on a feeding chair and listen to an audio book.

You misunderstand. I mean the 7pm bedtime might be necessary for you. Your baby is fresh out the womb. Sleep whenever you get the chance, and split the night shift with husband. It's a short period of your life and will get better in time.

I didn’t change mine after every nighttime feed, unless they had poo’d.

If it’s distressing him and waking him up, cut the changes down?

All mine were like this in the evenings. It's like they can sense 5pm and the cluster feeding commences. It's trying but doesn't mean there's something wrong. Their only job at that age is to increase milk supply.

That's how I got into console gaming. Something to do when there's a permanently attached baby.

I guess it’s reassuring that this is normal but I’d still love to know the reason for it.

The reason is in your OP. He's 3 weeks old.

You just have to roll with it. Life is different now. It will get better and then continue to be different in new ways with each stage of development.

Been my experience with both babies, not something you can fix. They grow out of it. It’s called the “witching hour” … though ought to be called the witching hour hours in my experience…

The witching hours! When they are just inconsolable. I found it so hard with baby #1. Hours and hours and hours of feeding and crying.

With baby #2 I still had to look after #1 (make dinner etc) so I put #2 in the sling and felt, at least, that she might feel some comfort in there with my body warmth and smell.

I think the evenings got less intense after maybe... 8-10 weeks? 6 was the peak from memory.

This.... With my eldest I vividly remember being in tears feeling like the baby would never stop getting and I'd never be able to leave the sofa ever again.

It passes

With my youngest I knew what to expect to had box sets, flasks of chilled water and snacks at hand. I just went with it and we were all much happier.

Witching hour. We used to take it in shifts to eat while the other one wrestled a cross baby then swapped, watched TV with the subtitles on. It's a phase. Neither of my two had a 7pm bedtime until they were 4+ months old, we just juggled them between us until they started to need more routine. They change all the time, I just rolled with it because it's easier than fighting it!