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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable? Husband sleeps in until 8am and I'm up at 5/6am with our baby

59 replies

KADICHED7 · 13/10/2024 06:29

We have 2 children (8mo and 2yr 10mo). I'm a SAHM and my husband is a self-employed tradesman. Our eldest only started going to nursery last month for 2 days per week (8.45am - 3.15pm) so up until recently I had both kids full-time. We have a cleaner that comes once a fortnight for 2hrs. Other than that I do all of the cleaning, tidying, laundry, shopping, cooking, dishes etc. Our toddler generally sleeps through until 7.30/8am but our baby usually wakes several times a night and is up at 5/6am every morning. I don't expect my husband to get up in the night as he has a manual job and I'm breastfeeding but I would like him to get up with the baby at weekends so that I can get a couple of hours extra in bed as I'm absolutely exhausted. I don't think it's a lot to ask when my husband sleeps in until 8am most days - it would different story if he was up early for work in the week but he isn't.

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Itsdefinitelytimeforanamechange · 13/10/2024 09:33

I don’t think you ever really see the true colours of the man you’ve married or live with until you have children with them! From your previous update about separating it sounds like he has done nothing to improve, some men just won’t change. I hope if nothing else this thread has given you the reassurance that this isn’t you, it’s him. The sahm early years were the hardest of my life I have never done so many days without a break and felt so frazzled and exhausted. It will get better, I promise, you are at the hardest point xx

Phineyj · 13/10/2024 09:42

@Wolframandhart could be you that needs to widen your social circle?

I only here of these paragons on here.

I do see a fair bit of middle class pretending irl.

When you dig into who does what, there are a lot of husbands talking the talk.

And of course 90% of single parent families are headed by women.

Phineyj · 13/10/2024 09:42

hear!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
sexnotgenders · 13/10/2024 10:49

MyLoyalEagle · 13/10/2024 09:26

Most men like this including my husband.
we both work full-time 50/50 for the bills (I paying more mostly) But I have to do every single thing in the house, cooking, gardening looking after the house picking and driving him to the pup he only do regular work and sleeping in unit afternoon and going to the pup on weekends that useless isn't.

No, they're really not. Raise your standards

Fathomless · 13/10/2024 11:12

KADICHED7 · 13/10/2024 07:38

@dijonketchupYou've just described exactly how I feel. We separated for a couple of months recently because he was sick of my "nagging". He moved out for about 5 weeks and I didn't find it any harder on my own tbh. I felt less angry because I knew I just had to do it all myself rather than having to keep asking him to help. He ended up coming back saying that he regretted it and I took him back because I love him and want to be a family.

Edited

Did you have any conversation about what needed to change before you reconciled?

I think you will benefit from couple's counselling, it might save your marriage.

Spudthespanner · 13/10/2024 11:50

Ladyof2024 · 13/10/2024 06:51

I think about it this way. You two are a team. There is a need to bring money into the house and there is a need to bring up the children and run the house, and somehow between you you need to do these things.

But the question is how come he only has to work eight hours a day five days a week, equals 40 hours (or whatever number of hours he works) whilst you get to work 20 hours a day seven days a week which equals 140 hours?

That's not fair that's and this is what you've got to tell him.

Why should you have to work 100 hours a week more than him? Does he regard you as a domestic servant, just because you're the female?

He won't relate to this or accept it because cunt men like this one don't see raising children as equivalent to working. He thinks OP has the easy deal.

Soitis83 · 13/10/2024 13:57

FuckMiniBabybells · 13/10/2024 08:10

@Soitis83 oof I could cry for you. I remember those days so well.
I'm not sure of your situation, but believe me it was a lot easier to deal with my 3 when I didn't have the sound of a lazy fucking pig snoring his lazy fucking arse off upstairs. I used to feel practically murderous at how he could sleep through it all. He would wake up all breezy and ask me to make him a coffee with a baby hanging off my tit and a toddler stuck to each leg.

Infuriating isn't it? Sounds like you're rid of him and I'm so pleased for you.
Unfortunately, he pays the mortgage (even though the HUGE down payment is my money) so he wouldn't leave, trust me, I've tried. He got up at half 12 and has sat on his phone ignoring his children ever since. But come night time he'll be asking for sex I'm sure. Men are pigs.

MumChp · 13/10/2024 14:05

KADICHED7 · 13/10/2024 08:03

@So that was the plan originally but yesterday when I was having mine our toddler woke up and came into my room so I didn't get to have a lie in (he was downstairs asleep with the baby so totally unaware the toddler had woken). I said I would try again today but he said it wasn't his fault that had happened and today was his turn. He sleeps in until 8am every weekday and I'm up at 5/6am every day so I don't think it's fair

Show quote history

My marriage would beover if my husband acted like that.
I would start working on plan to support myself and the children without him.

Wolframandhart · 13/10/2024 17:52

Phineyj · 13/10/2024 09:42

@Wolframandhart could be you that needs to widen your social circle?

I only here of these paragons on here.

I do see a fair bit of middle class pretending irl.

When you dig into who does what, there are a lot of husbands talking the talk.

And of course 90% of single parent families are headed by women.

I really don't need to widen my circle to include deadbeats. What an odd statement!

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