Finances when baby comes along.

[HB28]

My husband and I both work full time now (he earns a bit more than me). We currently have separate accounts that our wages go into and a joint account (that we transfer equal amounts to) that we pay the mortgage, bills, groceries and any shared costs from. Whatever we each have left in our own accounts pays for our own bills (mobile phone, subscriptions etc) and our disposable income is ours to do whatever we want with. This has always worked well for us, but obviously now I'm pregnant we need to revisit this.

I should get full pay for the first few months (my work will top up SMP) but after that I'll just be getting £180 SMP a week (which is a lot less than what I earn now). That's if I go back after 39 weeks. If I take the full year I'll get nothing towards the end. Even when I do go back it might be part time so I won't be earning as much as I used to.

My question is how have people in similar situations organised their finances once the baby comes along?

Everything in and out of one joint account, family income and family bills. Including all individual expenses.

Either as above, everything in a joint account, or you should be sharing out the leftover money after bills/rent.

All income is shared income. Not his and mine. Just one pooled pot of income.

Yes I was thinking pooling of some sort was the best option. I definitely agree once we have a child it's more of a 'our money' situation rather than 'yours and mine'. I did wonder though whether the money left over at the end of the month should be split so he gets slightly more than me, as before he did earn more (say something comparable to the percentage more he earned compared to me when we both had full time jobs).

All income goes into one account (salaries, in your case maternity pay, child benefit, any other benefits).

All bills come out of that account.
You each have a standing order to your own accounts, for your own 'spends', which is the same for both of you.

You decide beforehand what is a 'family expense' and what is 'personal expense' and that helps decide how much moves into your personal accounts.

We have a similar set up to you, and husband paid me into my personal account when I was on Mat leave. We work things out so we have the same amount of personal spending money each month and adjust the amount we contribute to joint account relative to each others incomes.

Honestly? We had a discussion before I got pregnant. We agreed to use the joint savings we had to supplement my maternity pay and agreed I would take a year off work. Then the plan was to return to work part time, I was lucky that another colleague was open about their pay so we knew what I would be walking home with.

Everything into one pot, there are knowns, ie the bills that don't change every month and then there is the rest. Decide what comes under personal expenses and what comes under family expenses ie anything to do with the child. Do not fall into the whole you wanted it so you pay for it mentality when it comes to you buying things for the baby. You are a team trying to have a successful household. Dh already knew the cost of replacing clothing every 3 months for the first year. We were very open and honest about expectations on spending.

I would personally have all the subscriptions, mobile phones etc come out of the joint pot. Personal spends for us were things like lunches, going out with friends and clothing.

I think it's probably time to knock that on the head if you're planning to be a team going forward. It might make sense for one of you to reduce hours to do more housework or be there to pick the children up from school, so the other parent can focus more on his/her career and you have to spend less on childcare, for example, but this only makes sense if the money is shared.

One pot for all bills and kids stuff, left over split absolutely equally for personal spends.

It is vital that you do this for more than just financial reasons. It's so that you both recognise and understand the equal contribution you are both making.

Just for context, initial discussions were had before deciding to get pregnant, we both knew we would have to change from our current scenario, but we never got down to details of exactly how we would work it all out (there was no guarantee I would even get pregnant).

We never had separate accounts so just continued to pool everything and share everything, taking a small amount each into our own accounts for own spends (this dropped for both of us when I was on mat leave). We saved a lot the months leading up to baby to top up my salary as much as we could.

There was no guarantee I would get pregnant either, I had literally just had surgery for endometriosis and was told I would need IVF due to all the damage to my internal organs from endo and scaring. We still had a full financial discussion of exactly how it would work.

Sadly you get this all the time, there are woolly talks and then when it actually happens the woman gets financially screwed over. I was lucky that I had older friends who discussed this openly, also expectations from husbands who see their wives at home on maternity leave as a time to do fuck all housework because the little woman is home surely she has time to do that.

My husband and I both work 9-5s that aren't particularly stressful and we have the same level of qualifications. It's not my fault that my industry just happens to pay a lot less than his and doesn't offer the same opportunities for advancement, so we make sure we have the same fun money as each other.

Does he work a much more intense job than you, a lot more hours or has he had to work a lot harder than you to get to his current position? If any of that were true then I could maybe understand him getting a bit more fun money to reflect the extra effort, but to me it would be really unattractive if he didn't think you should have equal amounts.

No. He definitely shouldn't get more left over than you. The salary of your jobs is no reflection of your value to society or each other. Should my DH not have as much left over as me because he is a paramedic and I am an NHS manager? I think we all know who is more useful and works harder! I'm sure your DH would not want someone he loves to have less spending money than him.

My partner covered all bills and I paid for all baby things and food shopping/ fuel.

@LoquaciousPineapple we actually have very similar jobs in the same industry. The pay difference is due to the fact he is director and I'm a level below that.

We have separate finances. Just because we never got round to a joint account and it's always worked fine.

I sat down and worked out how much I would need to cover bills, accounting for savings in fuel etc.

I rang every supplier to check I was on best deal. It was a good excuse to say we are cutting back and got sky etc down a bit.

Then how much we'd need to save in the months running up to it. My husband just transferred his share across to me.

I think a lot depends on attitudes to spending. I'm naturally a saver so having it sat there wasn't an issue. Similarly my husband isn't extravagant so I didn't feel it was unfair at any point.

Why should he get more than you?
He can take his share of parental leave on smp while you go back to work full time

All income is our! Just one pot.
I put my wage in and so does dh.
I manage all the bills, savings and expenditure. Dh takes what he needs.

I did wonder though whether the money left over at the end of the month should be split so he gets slightly more than me, as before he did earn more (say something comparable to the percentage more he earned compared to me when we both had full time jobs)
I don't understand what you mean by money left over at the end of the month. Do you mean any money left over when the next pay comes in should be split and handed back?
If thres anything left I just let it roll over to the next month or put it into savings.

I agree with @MrsSunshine2b now is the time to pool everything and make sure it’s an even split. Fathers generally see their earnings increase, mothers generally see them decrease, the unit is generally better off if one person focuses on career and the other focuses o family, not always obviously, but that is the trend. We have always put everything into one pot and made joint decisions on spends, for a while it was really too tight for either of us to have fun money!

I would have clear discussions, baby spends should be joint. I’d also have a discussion about pensions.

Pay in proportionate to what you actually bring in. You very little during SMP and him most of it. Then I would expect him to supplement your personal spending as needed. I don’t like having one joint account for everything as I like my own money and not having to check with dh about any major purchases.

We have our salaries paid into our own accounts, then most of it comes straight out and goes into the joint account for family spending (mortgage, bills, childcare payments, food, anything for our child etc). Anything left over is ours to save or spend as we want. We both have savings and are both pretty responsible with money, so it works well.

DP earns about 10k more and puts a percentage extra into the joint account to cover that.

When I was on mat leave we both moved savings into the joint account and I just used that as my current account. We had plenty of savings though so money wasn't tight, I just spent what I wanted. Mat leave is a joint expense.

I like having my own account and savings, and knowing I have that security.

In my opinion when you have children together you become a family unit and all income is pooled. Everything goes into the joint account and all bills/household expenses/baby expenses etc are paid from there, any money left after all the usual bills are paid is then put into joint savings and an agreed and equal discretionary personal spend amount is transferred to personal accounts to cover costs like clothing, haircuts, socialising with friends, whatever other frivolities you or he like to spend money on etc.

I definitely don't think your partner should get more fun money because he currently earns more than you, especially as your career is likely to be stalled due to maternity leave. Why should he solely reap the benefit of being able to climb the career ladder whilst you're on maternity leave with HIS baby. You're already possibly taking a hit in terms of career progression, why should you also take a financial hit when the reason for your career/earning potential dipping is because of a child you are BOTH the parents of.

Just to add - any money left in the joint household account at the end of the month gets left in there to roll over as savings. It then covers unexpected expenses - boiler breaks down, need a new oven etc.