Did you immediately love your 2nd baby just as much as your 1st?

[Wholeboxoftissues]

I'm having my second baby in a couple of weeks. DD is 5 and her wellbeing is still my absolute number one top priority in life and I love her most. I do feel love towards the baby and I talk to him and I'm excited about him but he still feels a bit theoretical, and when I've had complications with the pregnancy my first thought has always been "everything is fine as long as DD is okay". I imagine this is quite normal during pregnancy but does it change immediately after the second baby is born and you meet them? I imagine eventually I'll love both my children equally but I just can't imagine loving him straight away the same amount as I love my daughter who has been my everything for the last 5 years. How long did it take for you?

I'm honestly surprised at these replies.

As your eldest is 5, you've had 5 solid years of getting to know them, spending time with them, loving them

Presumably you love them more now than the day they were born?

I adore both my 5 year old and my baby, but I've had 4.5 extra years with the eldest, so it's a different love.

I think it's unrealistical to expect to love the newborn equally from day one. That bond needs time to grow and you need to get to love who they are.

I felt the same. I was irritated with baby 2 in utero kicks whereas I was delighted with them with baby 1.

My entire second pregnancy felt like an inconvenience, and when I almost lost the baby at 30 weeks I emotionally detached even more to protect myself. I knew I was having another boy but I didn't want to refer to him by any future reference.

But my god, the minute he was born... I can still recall the heat of his tiny little body on my chest as I held him and watched his first breath. I can still remember the first time he looked into my eyes. As soon as he was here, he was a person that belonged to me.

The world expanded, and yours will too. I'm not saying life was easy when they were little, but there was never ever any shortage of love.

Honestly? It took longer with my second. I had all the right moves, and wouldn’t have done anything to harm him, but the flood of “this is the bestest baby that ever there was and I will do anything to protect him” didn’t happen in the same way. However that feeling of “I have wrecked DC1’s life” went immediately - the moment DC1 saw DC2, I knew that they needed each other and that sibling bond is strong (although of course never straightforward!)

With my third the love did come straight away though.

I only had that rush of love with my third and I think that was because the labour was much easier than the first two. After I had the first two I was pretty much just shaking, in shock and in pain and told DH to hold them first.

DC2 was born prematurely, was poorly and I couldn’t hold her for about a week or so after birth. As such, I struggled to bond a bit. I loved her but felt a bit detached from it all, I was also very unwell myself which didn’t help. I didn’t have that same overwhelming love that I had immediately with DC1. Once, we were both better and I was able to cuddle and feed her, I started to feel more bonded. That overwhelming love came and I definitely love them both equally now.

Probably more for my second straight away as the birth was less traumatic and l knew what l was doing. I was a calmer dm and my first few days were a dream which got us off to a great start. With my first breastfeeding was difficult to establish but second just got going no issue because l was an experienced mom. I wouldn't waste energy worrying about it as its wonderful how it just happens..the love.

100%

I cried loads pregnant with DC2 worried I wouldn’t love them as much as my DC1, but the love just multiplied a thousand times over for both of them. It was a huge worry (I have a 5 year old DC who is autistic, diagnosed) and I was really worked up and worried about how DC1 would cope but it was the best thing I ever done. DC1 is besotted with his baby, right from the day we brought baby home. Everything will be fine OP - you’ll never know a love like it 🥰

Yes absolutely

When I was pregnant, my heart was all about my DD, and I didn't feel much for the baby in my belly. But after my DS was born, without even realizing it, he found his way into my heart. It's such an incredible experience.

The love expands to fit don't worry.

Actually, MORE!!

I had a terrible experience after my first - traumatic labour and i just did not have the love at first sight experience. I was knackered.

With my second - i desperately wanted a second girl. But my second was a boy.

From the very second i saw him, i had the most incredible falling in love at first sight feeling. I was SO proud of him. And he was a very easy baby - i just felt totally in tune with him.

I actually went on to have puerperal psychosis after my first baby and was admitted to a psychiatric ward when she was 3 weeks old. So a very bumpy start.

But - with my son, i stayed well and so much enjoyed every moment.

Honestly, I struggled like this too OP. I genuinely worried that I couldn't possibly love my 2nd with the same ferocity as I loved my then 3 year old. How could I? I had used up ALL my love on her...😂

As soon as my new daughter arrived, though, all those fears vanished. The rush of maternal instincts and love washed right over me, and I couldn't have loved her more! It was like having two 'full cups' of love, one cup for each child.

Nature is a wonderful thing ♥️

I think most people worry about this before their second is born tbh. We did, but we were besotted with DC2 as soon as they were born. I'm pregnant with DC3 now and I'm sure it will be the same.