Unconditional parenting fans - I NEED your help re: DD (3) and bedtime...pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

[WankmasterBastardDeLaShithead]

DD has been getting worse and worse at going to bed. We've always had a great routine, and she's pretty much always been a decent sleeper (bar the odd blip).

She had a stairgate on her bedroom door until a couple of months ago. We took it off because she can climb over it. Since then she's gradually been getting more and more difficult at bed time. We've tried 'cracking down' on it over the past few weeks, but to NO avail. We've mainly tried rapid return and it DOES NOT WORK. We've also tried rewards and punishments (e.g. taking one of her many cuddly toys, shutting the door etc....shit ideas, I know - entirely DH's plan).

Can anyone give me some 'Unconditional Parenting' or 'How to Talk' stylee suggestions?

I'm despairing , and we're both feeling like utterly shit parents.

I have bought How to Talk So Kids will listen, and will start reading tonight, but if anyone could give us a headstart with some quick pointers we'll try them tomorrow night.

[Can anyone pls help me with keeping ds in his OWN bed??? Can't do cry it out stuff. He's 2.5]

What is unconditional parenting? Can you attach condition to it then?

Is this yet another childcare I haven't read?

Book! Childcare book...

yes. you must go to the bookshop NOW and buy another parenting book to read, get enthusiastic about, tell dh how marvellous it is, feel smug as though you've cracked it and then forget everything.

It's by Alfie Kohn, quite a few threads on it.

It's about not attaching conditions to love rather than to parenting.

Ah. That makes sense, otherside. I think I do that anyway.

UPDATE....

This is the first evening I've had a chance to put it into practice (DH has had to put DD to bed the other nights).

Have loitered outside her door reading, while she pottered, lay beside me, hurled herself at me, made a bid for freedom into my bedroom, stood by the window waving at pedestrians, bit me (gently), cried (briefly) then went and tucked herself up in bed

She's been asleep for 15 mins or so. I'm still loitering outside her room with a glass of wine while DH cleans the kitchen just to make sure she stays asleep, like.

Huzzah.

Thanks for the advice. I much prefer this to the bribing / threatening palava.

Oh, I am WankMaster by the way.

How long did it take before she got bored and tucked herself in?