Had enough of others' comments

[MammaBe]

Have other mums had horrid interactions with people since becoming a mum? I'm trying to work out if it is something in my behaviour, whether it is something particular about my look or the city we are in or whether these reactions are normal for other mums.

I'll give some examples:

1. on a flight, my DD pulled the window blind down when the flight was preparing for landing. She pulled it down once and the man behind us snapped really loudly at her to leave it alone. It was odd because she'd just done it that once and to have someone else yell at your child was really horrid for me and my DD
2. I accidentally bumped the car next to me in the car park, with my car door, as I opened my door. Yes, I was bloody distracted because I was mentally listing all the shit I had to do and remember to remember x, y, z. Anyway it was a light bump, not even a scratch mark. Unfortunately the driver was in the car and yelled at me 'Watch it!' and 'Oh I know, brains gone hasn't it' he stepped out to check his baby audi had not been harmed while I quietly slipped off pondering WTF
3. In a stay and play session with DD. DD picked up a train that didn't belong to the stay and play session but one of the boys nearby. I was about to prize it away from DD when the boys mum came and snatched it off DD, snapping that's his toy and we'd quite like to take it home now, it was said in a shouty telling off way, which I thought was really unnecessary and a bit mean really.
4. I was standing in the que to get on the bus, carrying DD, it was raining. I had to reach into my trouser pocket to get my wallet holder to tap to pay; a woman standing at the bus stop yelled - get a move on. I got annoyed and said something like I'm carrying my DD and can't get to my cards. to which she yelled back you could do it if you had brains

Lots of other minor things but each time it happens it just really bugs me and I wonder if it is the norm?

Only one I would have had a go over is the car door and have done in the past. No need for it to happen.

So your excuse for bumping someone's car is your brain was busy? So if you hit a person that would also be your excuse

Your posting style seems to have a consistent person at fault, sure things happen and it is not nice to be told off but you are blaming everyone else

I'd be annoyed if you hit my car with your door and didn't seem to care about it. BTW You can get plastic strips to slide on your car doors to protect your car and other peoples cars from damage

I wonder if the man on the plane was already annoyed with your daughter and the window blind was the last straw. I don't suppose you let her watch an iPad without headphones during the flight 🤔

London

This!
If you get these comments this often, the problem is with you!

No wasn't making an excuse. Genuine accident and apologized for it; would have paid for any damage if necessary

I agree with this. You should have been ready for the bus, even just moving the card to somewhere more quickly accessible. And obviously you shouldn't hit someone's car with your door.

You've justified your own behaviour (tired, thinking about other things etc) but aren't willing to give others the same benefit of the doubt that maybe they had something else going on. Yes, they shouldn't be rude, but you weren't in the right either.

The bus card one would annoy me.

You were literally there waiting for the bus - why would you not have it ready ?

On the plane had the announcement already been made that the blind must be open during landing. Maybe the man was anxious or annoyed?

The only one I've had was a woman on a bus who took issue with my son watching some cartoons on my phone.

In context m, it was about 4pm and we had been at a swimming class. My son was just 3 and was in that wierd zone where he could go the whole day without a nap but sort of still needed one. We had to wait ages for this bus and it was cold and wet. He was really tired and hungry. The traffic was bad and I needed to keep him calm as he was on the verge of having a massive tantrum. So I gave him you tube with the volume very low. I also stress the bus was extremely noisy and busy. You literally could hardly hear it.

So this woman next to me asks me to turn it down. Ok, no problem. So I turned the sound off. She then decided to give me a lecture on 'not teaching my son how to behave ' and 'lazy parenting'. I explained that he was really tired and I didn't want him to have a massive meltdown on the bus. Her response was 'well, I've had a busy day and I'm tired too' I shouldn't have to be disturbed by your phone' bearing in mind she was a grown up and the bus was so busy and noisy the I phone nearly audible. There were school kids having a real carry on behind us and chucking things at each other. She said nothing to them... picking instead on me. I also had my newborn with me and had had about 4 h sleep the night before.

I know giving a kid a phone isn't the best thing in the world. Yes, it is I also know that it is really annoying when people listen to it loudly. But mine was not loud or audible over rage noise. Plus perhaps have some compassion for an exhausted parent . It really upset me.

TaraRhu That does sound awful and I can resonate

I gave 4 examples but there have been many other mico=annoyances directed my way; only ever when I'm with my DD and never when I am alone interestingly. Maybe mother status gives off vibes of being an easy target

Your reply made me realise that I've been expecting compassion, because I'm a mum; obviously it's not something that I can expect

It's you, definitely you.

It's you. You're the issue

This doesn't happen where I live but I know my DM said that London was just not that nice to live in when she was there.

I have noticed that people are more angry these days and more snappy. I've taken to just assuming that it's about something in their own life that's tipped their temper over the edge.

I always say to my kids you can bring X with you but other people will play with it if you put it down. It's a good life lesson to teach them. Some tasty people out there. Some people can't make a good point without doing it in a rude way ie the blind/car door.

"I'm getting wet and wish you'd taken your wallet out already" would normally just be an internal thought... but some people just don't behave politely anymore.

I’ve seen lots of people blame it on Covid, but people are just shitty and rude.
It takes less energy and effort to be kind than it does to be an arsehole.
I don’t know why they go out of their way.
I’m sorry, @MammaBe.

Yes. One lady rolling her eyes at me because I couldn't magic my pram out of the way of another lady on a packed tram. I moved as much as possible for her to sit down, but it wasn't good enough. If I moved further in any direction people would have been hit by the pram. They wanted me to move but didn't want to move to accommodate me. Or the (more likely scenario) neither of us could move very much due to it being a packed tram! Also notice worse treatment when I don't wear make-up and have my hair up, maybe because I look younger and less attractive...?

The thing I've had much more often is loads of people giving me "advice". It's like as soon as any one sees a woman with kids they feel a massive need to prove they know more about the child than she does. I don't know why.

I look after my young grandchildren four days a week. I don't know if it is because of my age but everyone is lovely both to the children and me. Staff in our Tesco Metro entertaining the children when we visit. A couple of them know the children by name. Everyone is so kind and friendly. They make the children feel special by giving them lots of attention. I live in a London borough.
I do get annoyed by entitled parents though. I bought a toy on Vinted last year for Christmas. It had sold out on the website so I was pleased. I paid for the item and waited and after a week nudged the seller about posting it. She then told me it was too much effort to post as she had a one year old. She refunded my money but the whole experience took two weeks while she had my money ( expensive toy) and I had to start to look again.i posted on here about it for advice.
Having said that most parents, bystanders and particularly Mums are so kind and helpful. I find being out and about with young children is life affirming. In my experience, most people are welcoming and friendly when you are wheeling a small child around.

I don't know if it is my age, older granny, but I have never been offered advice and people are quick to tell me that I am doing a great job. I have had two occasions in the past couple of months when an older woman who had been talking to my granddaughter insisted on buying her a chocolate lolly. I wish she hadn't but she meant well and she so clearly got a buzz from talking to a young child, Ditto someone in the Baker's shop who bought her an iced bun.
What some parents feel is sticking their nose into someone else's parenting, I see someone enjoying interacting with a young child.