Had enough of others' comments

[MammaBe]

Have other mums had horrid interactions with people since becoming a mum? I'm trying to work out if it is something in my behaviour, whether it is something particular about my look or the city we are in or whether these reactions are normal for other mums.

I'll give some examples:

1. on a flight, my DD pulled the window blind down when the flight was preparing for landing. She pulled it down once and the man behind us snapped really loudly at her to leave it alone. It was odd because she'd just done it that once and to have someone else yell at your child was really horrid for me and my DD
2. I accidentally bumped the car next to me in the car park, with my car door, as I opened my door. Yes, I was bloody distracted because I was mentally listing all the shit I had to do and remember to remember x, y, z. Anyway it was a light bump, not even a scratch mark. Unfortunately the driver was in the car and yelled at me 'Watch it!' and 'Oh I know, brains gone hasn't it' he stepped out to check his baby audi had not been harmed while I quietly slipped off pondering WTF
3. In a stay and play session with DD. DD picked up a train that didn't belong to the stay and play session but one of the boys nearby. I was about to prize it away from DD when the boys mum came and snatched it off DD, snapping that's his toy and we'd quite like to take it home now, it was said in a shouty telling off way, which I thought was really unnecessary and a bit mean really.
4. I was standing in the que to get on the bus, carrying DD, it was raining. I had to reach into my trouser pocket to get my wallet holder to tap to pay; a woman standing at the bus stop yelled - get a move on. I got annoyed and said something like I'm carrying my DD and can't get to my cards. to which she yelled back you could do it if you had brains

Lots of other minor things but each time it happens it just really bugs me and I wonder if it is the norm?

This has not happened to me, nor have I seen it happening to other people, except if they are looking at their phones and ignoring a situation.

All your examples are you being slow off the mark. If it was one, I'd think you just met someone unpleasant in a rush, but at least four might indicate that you are giving an impression of indifference. People are more considerate of being held up if they think you are trying.

How did your body language show you were trying to get the toy back? A lot of people would have made eye contact with the other mother and brought her into the interaction, even passively "DD I need the train to give back to this boy here..."

I'm not saying you are indifferent, a lack of confidence can be seen that way, I hope I'm not offending you, and I might be completely wrong. Is there anyone who was there you can sense check with?

This has never happened to me. Are you particularly slow at taking action?

Sorry I have to say this is not my experience at all. If anything it's the opposite. Maybe it depends where you live? I do live in a place which values children very highly and people are generally extremely nice to them and their parents.
Since this does seem to be happening frequently to you, maybe there is also an aspect of you feeling especially sensitive to any comment made in a curt way? Parenting messes with your emotions big time - could you be going into momma bear mode and feeling that your child is being attacked when in fact the interactions are not not particularly friendly but not unfriendly either?

Stuff like this never happens to me. To be honest if someone opened their car door into my car I'd probably be shocked and perhaps say watch it too.

They all sound rude except the car door one.
That's not on, child and distracted or not. It's his property.

Harsh replies I feel.

People that allow their kids to take toys from home to soft play/play group infuriate me. Don't do it. And if you do don't get mad when another child picks up your child's toy. It's not fair. Leave the damn thing at home!

Re car door. Not great but also unpleasant response. I purposefully park miles away if I can. I really wish child and parent spaces were further away then less tests with no car seat kids would park in them leaving them free for those us trying to range the toddler who is doing a great impression of a surfboard into the car seat without fear of damaging someone's car.

Flight. I agree it's pretty awful. My first flight with my 4 year old this year. The woman infront turned round and barked at me to tell my kid stop kicking her chair. He wasn't. At all. I would have told him if he was. He was sat in his legs watch his iPad with headphones on. It wasn't nice.

Yes, it's very annoying when someone does that. It was a genuine error in a very tight space, I had apologized and checked for no scratches; despite that he continued to yell.
I just think when I have had my car door bumped in the past, I'd be annoyed, sure, but if the person has apologised and there is no damage you just get on with your life!

I think people, in general, are less patient and more angry these days.

It got worse during/after covid.

And some people are just rude op 🤷‍♀️ just be glad you're not one of them.

Being slow would be great, at least I could identify and correct that easily!

Re the toy, I was right up there talking to DD, as soon as I realised that it belonged to the boy; I literally didn't get to finish my sentence before the mum stepped in.

I do have a softer approach; perhaps it is being perceived as slow.

Though I perceive that people are abrupt and quick to jump in

practice your resting bitch face, none of those were things related to parenting, a few of them could have done with a fuck off

yes, it is a changed world

you never know what battles people are fighting, so I just let it go really

Yes, I am in London so everyone is busy and people get rude and angry. I don't dwell on nasty comments and my first response these days is to shout back or just ignore, depending on the type of comment and whether I can leave the situation quickly. I visualise water running off a duck's back and imagine that their comments are like water, and picture their faces fading like an old photo in the sun.

Me either.

Not how you explained it in the first post. No mention of you apologising and him continuing to yell

The car one I agree with the driver. It infuriates me when people do that it can scratch and damage your car. And personally my car is the only reason I go to work - everything else we can do on DHs wage. I will have a go at anyone who does that particularly as I always park on the far side of a car park, ideally next to a hedge or wall on one side with plenty of space around and some dick always parks in the next space.

The rest of your points- fair enough.

Yep I still agree with him.
If it is a tight spot with no alternative you open the door with your hand around it.
its not difficult

The world is full of inconsiderate people.
If you let your car door touch someone else’s car you are one of them

Where about do you live @MammaBe ?

Separately, this hasn't happened to me but I think some people pick on people they perceive to be easy targets.

You’ve explained here how tired you are, how you wouldn’t usually hit someone’s door, or be more prepared at the bus stop, or intervene with the toy earlier if you were dealing with what you’re going through at the moment. Those people might also be in a bad mood for whatever reason too. It reads as though they should be taking into account your tiredness as an excuse for your actions, but you’re not giving them the same benefit of the doubt.

I’d say you’ve unfortunately come across a few angry people!
Tbh I would have said something, possibly shouty depending on my mood, if you’d hit my car too.
The man on the plane, perhaps he was super anxious about flying and knows blinds must be up for landing? Still rude to shout at your DD though. Maybe your DD had been noisy in the flight and this was his last straw?
Sounds like you’re over analysing responses OP. Some people are unpleasant and are not worth your time wondering why.

Get your card for the bus out ahead of time. Nothing worse than being stuck behind someone faffing about for ages, especially if it's pouring with rain. You were faffing in the dry, everyone behind you was getting soaked. Yes the woman was rude but she had a point - think ahead!

I put a hand on the edge of my car door to stop it connecting with someone else's car if space is tight.

Window blind thing - end of flight, everyone tired and cramped, maybe the grumpy man had his own shit going on. Yes he was rude but let it go. And stop DD from messing about, are you generally oblivious until someone snaps?

I accidentally bumped the car next to me in the car park, with my car door, as I opened my door. Yes, I was bloody distracted because I was mentally listing all the shit I had to do and remember to remember x, y, z. Anyway it was a light bump, not even a scratch mark. Unfortunately the driver was in the car and yelled at me 'Watch it!' and 'Oh I know, brains gone hasn't it' he stepped out to check his baby audi had not been harmed while I quietly slipped off pondering WTF

People bumping your car then not even really being sorry is infuriating. Who cares what you had to do mentally. Look alive!

Yes! not in my nature, though I have started answering back but it's just unpleasant

Yes, people can be rude and intolerant. But you surely can't be expecting people not to mind you bumping their car just because you're a parent and you have lots to think about?! Everyone has lots to think about.

Nothing like those example have ever happened to me in the 6 years I've had children