Stopping co-sleeping 8 week old

[Sheepsheeps]

Hi everyone,
I'm currently bedsharing/co-sleeping with my 8 week old baby. I never meant to do this and bought a next-to-me crib with the intention of her sharing our room but ultimately sleeping in her own 'space' so to speak.
Well, after continuous sleepless nights and a velcro baby, it didn't happen and I ended up bringing her to bed with us just so we could get a few hours peace and rest. It was becoming dangerous how sleep deprived I was as I was falling asleep breast feeding etc.
Anyway, we follow the safe sleep 7 so I feel confident that this is OK however, it is absolutely crucifying my back and hips sleeping in the exact same position all night long. I just don't think I can carry on like this. If it was for the pain and discomfort I would happily continue.
My worry is that she doesn't go down very well amd falls asleep on the boob every night. If I move her she will wake up screaming! How on earth do I start the transition to her next to me cot? Also, she is an extremely hot baby and once she starts crying she sweats horrendously and is soaked in minutes. I worry that any clothing I put her in to keep warm in the night will cause her to overheat if she cries.
I'm at a complete loss, please help!

I think it may be a case of taking tiny steps each day to get her to move away from you and into her crib.

So she feeds to sleep, pop her off and hold her before putting her down.

Shuffle yourself so you are right next to the bedside crib so you can still pat/touch/hold her and gradually inch away.
8 weeks is tiny, too, and as she grows she may be more content to be away from you.
Also this thing here is very good for moving sleeping babies without waking them:

snugglebundl.co.uk

Have you got a next to me crib? Can you feed her in that and then move away from her?

Thank you.
Yes that's what I was thinking but that's how we first started off when we got her home but she just cried constantly as soon as she was put in her next to me cot. I laid right next to it with my arm in their next to her but the only thing that brought her comfort was falling asleep feeding in my bed....

You can try but you may have to accept this is how it is for now. Mine didn’t agree to sleep anywhere else until she was 9 months.

I know it feels like it will but it won’t kill you and it really isn’t forever. Some babies need this and you can’t change it. So try not to have high expectations. My only use for the bedside crib was as a barrier against rolling out the bed 🙈 DD didn’t sleep in it once.

I’m not saying don’t try, but also don’t tie yourself up in knots trying to achieve change, you are better off just getting the uncomfortable sleep.

What I will say is that from 2+ she was a most excellent sleeper and gives us no problems whatsoever as a child (now 5). So there’s no long term harm!

Thank you!
I have read this too! I find even the daytime difficult to do any tasks as she wants to be on me all if the time. I have to wear her in a sling if I want to try and do any housework etc. That is also not helping my back.
I've had mixed feedback from (mainly family) people telling me I've made a rod for my own back and she'll always have a sleep problem now, I need to be brutal and cut the clingyness etc it's good to hear your little one sleeps brilliantly now

I've co-slept with both of mine, first from around 4 months (now 3) and second still co-sleeping now 11 months. It's looked different at different stages but in the early months, up to 6 months ish they'd fall asleep on me down stairs and we'd hold them until bed, then they'd come up to bed when I went to bed! From 6 months ish I've been feeding to sleep on my bed or later on a floor bed (once they were rolling and at risk of falling off my bed), then I'd roll away to have my 'evening', often they may wake, I'll run up and feed then come back down. I usually then bring them to bed when I go to bed or their first wake up after I've gone to sleep. With my eldest from about a year old we started going in to her bed (small double) so she got more used to sleeping there. Both are so far similar and not great sleepers but 3 year old sleeps through maybe half the time and the rest of the time she now just climbs in with her dad who usually doesn't really notice! I'm not sure in our case that it's co- sleeping creating poor sleep, I think it's poor sleep necessitating co-sleeping! We didn't want to sleep train so never tried that route. Good luck.

Also meant to say for the pain in your back I've found that having a long slim pillow ( I use part of my pregnancy pillow) behind my back and shoulder blades to support me and lean against enormously helpful x

Thank you for sharing your experience! I hope I don't create a rod for my own back long term....
How come you waited until they were older to co sleep rather than just continue with their cots?
I've tried pillows but they don't offer much relief. I'm guessing I either stick it out or try to introduce her cot gradually.
How about them overheating when crying?

That’s a really outdated view of parenting, take absolutely no notice of people that say things like that. Babies do not need brutality, they should be clingy, it’s all normal 4th trimester behaviour.

I did very little apart from feed and cuddle DD, housework was left for DH. Honestly it goes so fast, you’ll moss the endless cuddles. I know it’s a bit frustrating now but it all changes when they start weaning. Hang in there, it’s not forever.

@Sheepsheeps with my first she did go down in the next to me until about 4 months but then she started ending up in bed from then on as wasn't settling so well, probably the 4 month sleep regression but memory is hazy. My second I've been co sleeping from birth in my bed, she wouldn't go in next to me at all, I've started getting her to sleep naps and beginning of the night in her bed which is a single mattress on slats, then she ends up back in with me from when I go to bed usually. Hoping eventually she will sleep longer and I'll have more time in my own bed alone! Neither would sleep in a cot!

@Sheepsheeps re the pillows, mine is more like a bolster pillow, pretty firm and like a sausage shape. Re overheating, do you mean in bed? Mine never really cried very often when co- sleeping because I usually feed them when they stir so they never really wake up much so not sure what to advise about that sorry x

This might seem to obvious, but can you just move positions so it’s more comfortable? I used to switch sides every feed, same as I roll over anyway every time I wake up at night. Dh was banished to the floor/sofa/spare room so we had lots of space. More space meant more flexibility in how we could sleep and more comfortable. And I could sleep same as I always did, either side and on my back.

Yes switch sides every feed - this is the answer - don't stay in the same position! You just flip them over with you and then each side gets a rest. I would also sleep with baby in the crook of my arm, baby's head resting on my shoulder. Often with not much else on and duvet quite far down. They didn't overheat if they had little clothes on. Mum next to them is proven to help regulate body temperature. I remember when DS had a temperatue aged 7 months but the moment he started feeding and was in my arms, it started to drop. Just being right next to you is enough to regulate body temp.

also it sounds like a bit of daytime movement, exercise would really help. Are you managing to get some walks in during the day? I know it's so hard at the start, especially with being sleep deprived.

But a walk and some yoga and just gentle stretches to help you cope with nights might really help.

If i don't move during the day I get stiff neck and hips. OK, i'm older now but movement has always helped me in so many ways.

Swimming and sauna is amazing too, if you have time. Swimming takes all the weight off the joints and sauna is like the icing on the cake.

I also put the mattress on the floor and DH was banished for a long time.

In the end we broke the cycle at 13 months. DH took baba for 5 nights and she screamed but it was fine. She was safe and in loving arms.

I think 8 weeks is too young though. I even tried at 4 months, it didn't work. You need to wait a bit. Sorry, not the news you want to hear.

But it's so worth it. I have very well adjusted happy kids who and we are very close. I never ever regret co-sleeping. It was the best thing at the time. I wouldn't do it any differently. Not ever. I loved them so much (still do!) and like all mammals, I truly believe we are supposed to sleep together in those early months.

I flip mine over to the other side every time I feed (so about 65 times a night at the moment 🙄) that helps the hip / back pain.

My husband sleeps with us so I dare not switch sides as she would then be between us and he is such a heavy sleeper, I don't trust him to not squish her in the night 🤦‍♀️

Thank you!
Yes I think switching sides each time sounds key but my husband shares our bed too (nowhere else for him to sleep in the house other than sofa)
I'm reluctant to ask him to leave the room as I already feel a bit of a strain on our relationship with the lack of intimacy which we both dearly miss pre pregnancy. I was an uncomfortable beached whale for most of it and couldn't bear being touched let alone hugged in bed at night!
I keep forgetting that 8 weeks is still really young for my little girl to be sleeping solo. I just wish there wasn't so much taboo around co-sleeping!
Two of my friends have young babies and of course, they both sleep through the night from day one in their own cribs etc and I have clearly caused this situation by not being tough enough, not to mention the 'risk' I'm putting my baby at by sleeping with her....

That’s nonsense. Both my babies were difficult to settle. Some people get all the luck and get easy versions!

You’ve not done anything wrong. You just love your baby.

how was your delivery? One thing I do wish I’d known was about baby probiotics. I think it would have helped mine settle better though I can’t be sure. I had a course of antibiotics just after my daughter was born and it wrecked her microbiome and she has asthma and a number of autoimmune diseases as a result.

there are some baby drops from optibac. It contains Bifido breve. It’s not actually the bacteria that colonises from birth, it’s usually bifido Infantis so I’m not sure why they use this. It’s certainly better than nothing though!

this is another which looks better https://uk.iherb.com/pr/jarrow-formulas-vegetarian-jarro-dophilus-baby-3-months-3-billion-cfu-2-1-oz-60-g/99883?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwx4O4BhAnEiwA42SbVCje8miC1fc7ePchRk6ZlJ405-tBzBdoi4yJdATZsJjl_o82h_ijSRoConUQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I even imported Evivo recently which is bifido infantis from USA. Used ShipItTo service. It’s quite a specialised probiotic but does seem to reset the microbiome very well.

if I had my time over again I’d give both my kids Evivo.

This is quite a specialised subject and microbiome research still very early days but lots of proof that first 3 years is very important for development of avoiding future autoimmune diseases. Antibiotics kill off your good bacteria.

looking back I think mine cried a lot as they were uncomfortable. Maybe Evivo would have helped?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T3MkYRmzfyk

Thank you so much for the links. She had antibiotics within the first few hours of life so I'm sure her gut is wrecked!!! I used optibac for a couple weeks but didn't feel it did anything?
I've now been recommended this by a paediatric osteopath yesterday https://www.biocare.co.uk/baby-infantis-powder-60g
Which I think contains what you're referring to?

https://www.biocare.co.uk/baby-bioflora-probiotic-33g
Or they do this one?

I used a little memory foam pillow that I would position right into my lower back so that I could lean on it and just have a bit more freedom to move without rolling right onto my back away from baby. It seemed to help a lot!

Re the cutting the clinginess etc now, your little baby is so tiny and dependent on you, and the views about newborns being clingy and having to prevent that are very outdated. If you haven't already, look up the 4th trimester.

I coslept / sleep with both of mine almost from birth with DC1 and from birth with DC2. DC1 was a terrible sleeper (hence the cosleeping!) but got better without any input from me and coslept until about 4 when he moved into his own room with no problem. DC2 wasn't a bad sleeper but cosleeping was so much easier, he's 2 now and sleeps fine unless ill. Once i got used to it, i loved cosleeping and still do.

This was my DD :-) we co-slept until three months, then she started letting me lie her down once asleep. I remember being frightened that I was making a 'rod for my own back' and might need to co-sleep for years. Just wanted to add for balance that for me, it really was a season and it did pass!

Co slept with my second, was a life saver I couldn’t have done what I had done with my first the constant resettling would be too much when also had a 3 year old to entertain in the day. People have their opinions on it but as long as your are breastfeeding and following the guidelines on safety then there is no harm. I was Lucky that my husband could sleep in the spare room for 8 months and yes ruined the intimacy of our relationship for that time but at the time priority was everyone getting enough rest and soon comes back . My little man is nearly 2 now and sleeps in his cot very rarely now does he come into my bed but when he does I secretly love it x

Do you have a bigger cot at all? My second would not tolerate a next to me at all. I put the cot next to the bed with the side off. She was better with that as I could lie pretty close to her but still be on a different mattress.

Don't worry about the 'rod for your own back' stuff. Everyone's baby is different. Just respond to your baby's needs and make them as comfortable as possible. They are only little for a short time - however long it feels at 3am!

I actually came to comment about seeing an osteopath for you and her. DD2 had a few sessions with one, and I really wish I'd done some at the same time. We didn't cosleep but due to severe tongue tie, we had awkward bfing positions that make my back and joints feel knackered.

Interesting to read about the probiotics. DD1 had sepsis at birth and so obviously had a massive course of heavy duty antibiotics. I never thought to ask about probiotics at the time as obviously it was all very stressful and traumatic. She's 3yo now and no asthma yet but my DH has asthma and gut issues so even if she does develop them, it would be hard to figure out if it was the ABs or just her genetics. I wonder if its worth her taking them now?