Unsettled baby... Feeling like a failure

[VJ88]

My baby is such a fussy boy and I can't work out how to soothe him. He's always been difficult and had a really rough colicky patch at 8-11 weeks. He's now 17 weeks and is still such a grumpy/miserable baby. He cries so much and the only thing that soothes him a little bit is being held and sung to and bounced all day... My back is killing me and, frankly, I'm bored. The last wake window of the day is a nightmare. He screams from the second he wakes up from his last nap until the moment he goes to bed. I've tried everything - more day sleep, less day sleep, more entertainment, less entrainment, going outside, I'm just fed up and stuck and feeling like a total failure because I can't soothe my baby and I'm bored of trying at this point.

Did you only cut out cows milk? Did you remove soya too? Half of babies are allergic to both. Also how long did you leave it?

My daughter has 20 food allergies which is abnormal even in allergy circles but it meant that even after removing cows milk she still an unsettled baby. 20 is unusual but dairy, soya and eggs/gluten isn't uncommon. There can be multiple things going on which can skew the picture. It can also take 4-6 weeks to see improvements. My daughter was 15months before we got her symptom free for her allergies!

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences and suggestions! It's so hard.

I didn't cut out soy. We are a vegetarian house so cutting tofu would definitely be a challenge. I have reintroduced fish to my diet in order to make it possible to experiment with cutting out other things though. I did no dairy for 5 weeks and then gradually reintroduced but it didn't change his behavior at all.

I've booked in at our local feeding clinic next week to talk things through and see if they have any suggestions. I'm really reluctant to try medications and definitely not ready to introduce anything other than breast milk or formula without medical advice first! But know what has and has not worked for others definitely helps me to know what questions to ask so I am super grateful.

I don’t understand how ( at 17 weeks) he has an adjusted age of 13 weeks having been born 3 days early?

He was born at 36+4, so 3 days before term but 3.5 weeks before his due date, so the adjusted age is calculated from his due date

She could reliably hold her head up unassisted and sit up comfortably with assistance before we gave her baby rice. And she was 4 months old when we gave it to her.

To the poster that suggested that introducing solids that young was unadvisable - We gave her the kendamil baby rice which is suitable from 4 months up and took it slowly, I wouldn’t do anything that I thought would cause risk to my child!

She’s nearly 7 months now and loves to eat, so no ill affects at all from giving her the rice from the age that the packet recommended. I would wait until he can hold his head up and sit comfortably with aid though, and definitely would wait until he is at least 4 months old.

I was vegetarian when breastfeeding and I kept a food diary and I had a much stronger reaction to soya than I did dairy! The food diary was inconclusive with dairy and very obvious that 2 days after any soya and she turned completely unbearable. I was going to only remove soya but was told there was a 50% chance of both so to remove dairy as well. With that much soya in your diet I think it would be a challenge to conclusively say no reaction to dairy.

Ultimately my daughters combination of allergies has meant we have had to go back to meat. Dairy, soya, egg, pea protein, tomato, aubergine and coconut allergies are broadly incompatible with being vegetarian! We mostly eat chick peas, pulses, pork, lamb and soya free chicken. She's allergic to beef, fish and so allergic to soya she reacts if poultry have been fed it so being meat eaters isn't much easier!

Gosh you've listed a lot of my favourite things. That must have been tough for you to cut all of that out (and continue to support her through as she gets older!)

My little one was the same. I actually posted here a few weeks ago as I was in a similar position. She was so unsettled didn't really sleep by day cried whenever she was off the boob would fall asleep in my arms but wake as soon as she was put down. But she did sleep at night. I cut out dairy noticed a difference but she still wasn't 100% she was put on reflux meds then as well and then I had a happy baby. I then thought the issue was just reflux so reintroduced dairy to my diet and she started having some issues again.
She seems to need the combo of reflux meds and no dairy.
No one can tell you what your child needs of course or if she has reflux, an allergy to something or a combination. But I do think when babies are very unsettled there's a reason for it.
I know that's not really helpful but just know you're not a failure. It's really hard to find the reason for baby being upset and it's very hard having to constantly hold rock bounce entertain constantly be in demand and needed and just not know how to make them happy or what's best to do.
I hope things get easier for you soon

Mine too, and that's not even the full list!
She's 4 now and not outgrown any of them. When she was at nursery we could eat what we wanted on nursery days but since starting school evening meals are now all safe for her to eat. Luckily we both are good cooks and manage to have a good range of dishes now.

In your situation I think I would retry food allergies. I get that it's a complete pain in the bum to cut out dairy and soya whilst vegetarian so what I would be inclined to do is keep a food and symptom diary for a week and then remove dairy and soya for 7-10 days continuing the diary. Over that timeframe they are likely to be still quite unsettled but if it is dairy and soya you should start to see a shift in the number of good and bad days to see if it could be allergies and worth committing to a longer trial.

Like @Jada2024 my daughter has reflux and allergies so it might be that a gp appointment to discuss reflux meds is needed.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I'm starting a food diary and seeing what correlated with his bad moods... Yesterday he was a different child and quite sunny right up until bed time

@VJ88 with delayed allergies (gastric symptoms) it can be 2-72h from you eating a food and you seeing a reaction. Just something to watch out for. Although once I could know what I was looking for I could identify some reactions in 20-60minutes. They did peak around 2days though

Thank you so much! I've started keeping a food diary. obviously ever since I did that, his mood has really picked up and he's been a lot happier, it seems... Cheeky baby!

My first was like this and it turned out to be Tongue Tie. Weaning did feck all to help.

Things like a door bouncer helped and going out with them to groups too, I think they were actually a bit bored being with just me most days.

We had an awful start to feeding thanks to a tongue tie. Might ask them to double check that it healed properly, thank you!

• We had an awful start to feeding thanks to a tongue tie. Might ask them to double check that it healed properly, thank you

Sport managed to press "post" far too early there