How to do anything without baby?! Help!

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Hi All,

I'm almost 4 months pp, EBFing and hoping to try and get my haircut at some point!! My hairdresser is based in London but I live outside in Surrey.

Trying to work out how it's possible to do this?! I'm expressing milk so could conceivably leave baby with husband but got to be honest, I haven't left him for more than an hour or so with baby and although I trust he'd look after her, I worry because at the moment I look after her 24-7 while he's working and he never feeds her himself - even with an expressed bottle. I can read her hunger signs but not sure he'd be able to?! Maybe this is unfair of me to say! And possibly first mum anxiety!!

Second option is travelling with baby and taking her with me - although a step free journey takes close to 2hrs and I'm not sure how much I'd be able to hold / feed her while getting my hair washed and cut etc

Third option is asking my parents if they're around to look after her if we drive to theirs. Then I can pop into town without her but the round trip would be lengthy and I'd still need to express milk for them to feed her. In all honesty, they should come secondary to my husband actually parenting - as opposed to my parents "babysitting".

Please let me know how you managed this?! I feel like I can't leave the house without her for more than an hour or so at the moment and that's kind of absurd!

If you don’t want to leave your baby then can dh go with you, and go for a walk with the baby whilst you’re having your hair done? That’s how I’ve always done it.

Thank you! This could be an option too :-)

I never realised travelling with a pram would be so difficult - so many stations aren't step free but if we had each other we could carry baby upstairs together I suppose!

My advice is wait until weaning, start leaving her for shorter amounts of time before that but it is so much easier once they start solids.

Either make do with a different haircut that is local for now or give it another 8 or so weeks.

DD screamed blue murder when left with DH when under 6 months (EBF and didn’t have bottles). I had to leave her for 1-2hrs to do my horse when she couldn’t come with me, that was hard but had to be done. I didn’t bother with non essentials until she was 6 months+

I would find a local hairdresser for the next few months

After I had a baby I preferred anywhere local and easy to access over somewhere more chichi and further out just because of the time saving/faffing aspect. Now he’s at school it’s much easier and I can go back to places that are further away. But at the early stage I think the easiest to just go to your local high street for a trim or even find a hairdresser who comes to you temporarily.

Agree with maybe see if your partner can come with you and take baby out while you get your hair done, but stay local and then can pop in and put baby on the boob if needed for a feed? This is what I did when in the same situation a few months ago my husband took her out nearby and then when she was fussy and hungry just came in and gave her to me to feed x

I left my DD with my husband, but thats because i have never done 24/7 parenting. She has 2 parents, yes i was breastfeeding so did a lot of the feeding, he did the changing, holding, bathing etc. If you don't give him the chance to learn how to look after the baby you're setting yourself up for this. Start expressing snd giving the bottle to him to feed.

When you go out remind him what times baby needs a feed and bottles are in the fridge or wherever

You need to find a closer hairdresser.

I changed to a mobile hairdresser who comes to my house. Much easier.

Why can’t your DH look after his own baby - he’s the parent? I never thought twice about DH caring for the DT’s - he’s an adult and a parent

What’s the hassle of pumping for if not for DH to give a bottle so you can have the occasional break? Get a local hairdresser, it’s Surrey not a wasteland, I’m sure there are good ones nearby. He’ll be fine. Baby will be fine. And worst case scenario they refuse the bottle and he can pop in with them so you can feed.

Firstly the only hairdressers aren’t in London, if it’s this much of a fuss then just five a local one.

No idea why you even have your parents listed as an option when the baby has a dad.

Ahh I remember these days! Admittedly I'm not that fussy about my hair so I don't know if this is relevant to you, but I would find a closer hairdresser for the meantime and time it for naptime so baby can nap in the pram while you get your hair cut. When you have a baby, as you know, being local is a million times easier than having to trek miles! You can always go back to your usual hairdresser once baby is a little older. I promise you, these months will absolutely fly by. I remember getting my first proper post-baby haircut the day before going back to work after mat leave. Baby was at nursery for his settling in session and I had a fabulous baby-free morning!

I never realised travelling with a pram would be so difficult - so many stations aren't step free but if we had each other we could carry baby upstairs together I suppose!

Travelling around London with a pram/buggy:

1. You can balance your pram up and down escalators. I've seen people do it up with the child in it.
2. Strangers will offer without prompting to help your pram with child in it up and down stairs. The problem is that a some train/overground stations during the day you may be the only person going up and down the stairs.
3. Strangers will offer to help you get your buggy with child in it off tubes and trains over the gap. This can include if they aren't getting off themselves.
4. Buses are a problem as the disabled space(s) can be full. In addition depending on the bus route if a wheelchair user comes on you can find that you are told to get off and the bus driver will not move until you do, the bus driver will allow you to get on but you will be blocking the middle doors or the bus driver will tell you to get off but if you don't move for 5 minutes will drive on leaving the poor wheelchair user waiting for the next bus.

I ended up using a baby carrier as it was easier. It also isn't rare to find parents who have both a baby carrier and pram/buggy with them.

Yes, if there's 2 parents in the household use both. My husband does everything - he's actually better at feeding her than me!

Saying that I actually cut my own hair last month using the beard method 😂

This. Neither parent should be 24/7 parenting when a baby has two functional parents in situ.

Get your husband to step up and learn to parent his child equally.

Go out this weekend for a couple of hours, have a coffee and a wander round the shops, let them figure it out. Neither of them will die.

Don't be the default parent; if you do you'll be on here in ten years going 'my husband never does anything with our kids and I'm exhausted'.

Specific hairdresser situation aside, why on earth has your DH never fed her if you're expressing?? He needs to start parenting his own child, changing nappies, doing feeds, learning cues and patterns, laundering baby stuff, sterilising bottles / pump parts as well as interacting and playing. The more he does that with you around but not taking over, the more confident you'll all be in leaving them and claiming a bit of your own life back.

Our DS is coming up 4 months and I think he was about 4 weeks when I first left him with DH to go to the cinema (5 minutes from our house). I've been out a fair few times since then, including a full cut and colour at the hairdresser. I think the longest I've left him for has been about 5 or 6 hours.

I'm still not ready to leave him with anyone else but have never thought twice about DH. He's just as capable of all care as I am, so long as he's got a fridge full of expressed milk.

If you have to go into London, take baby carrier and pram. Easier to navigate stairs and stuff with an empty pram and baby stuck to you. I live in London and neither of mine went in a pram for well over 8 months. Though you’ll obviously need it whilst you’re at the hairdresser.

Or have a full day out with your husband, so you’ll only need the carrier.

Orrr… To me, the obvious answer is to get your hair done locally, isn’t it?! I’m a v low maintenance annual trim and permanent messy bun person though, so I may know nothing! 😂

When I got my hair done when mine were babies, Dh came with me and would take them for a walk in the pram after a feed. If they needed me, he could just pop in and if necessary, I could feed them. Generally they could go 2 hours being pushed around and having a nap so it worked fine. I’d just make a day of it. Step free access isn’t such a big deal with two of you either as you can just lift the pushchair.

The only way he will learn her hunger cues is if he is there to see and parent. Mums learn by being with the baby so can dads.I'd imagine him being more than capable. Maybe start by popping to tesco or something that way you aren't too far, it is all a learning experience being a parent !

I absolutely couldn't cope with this, I'd get panicked by not feeling like I could go out, see friends, get hair cut etc without the baby. Make your husband give her a bottle, he'll work out her feeding cues and if he doesn't get the super early ones you do, she'll start crying, he'll realise she's hungry and it'll all be fine. Also depends on your pram, with a yoyo, I could just pick it up with baby in it in one hand and go up stairs etc. Also, black cabs are super useful, you just wheel the whole buggy in (not suggesting you do this all the way from Surrey but if you've got a station to hairdresser journey it might work).

What's the point of making up bottles if he's not feeding her? I think it's time for you to leave them on their own more often. You should be able to go get a haircut without thinking twice about it.

You need to give your husband a chance to find his feet as a dad without you hovering. It may be tough to start but he deserves the chance. He is the baby’s parent too.

Just popping on to say your DH will never learn to look after his own child alone if he isn't given the chance. He will probably mess up, multiple times, as you will do as well, over the course of the child's life. But that's how you learn and become better parents.