6 year old eating sweet food in secret

[Toomanyusernamestochoose]

I would love some advice on my 6 year old please. He has been helping himself to sweet food from the kitchen, eating in secret and hiding the packaging.

We used to have a box of sweets/chocolates which the children would receive occasionally and we noticed some missing then later found the wrappers hidden in his room. We explained it was not good for our teeth or bodies to eat so many sweets then removed the box so it was no longer in the house. A few weeks later, he progressed onto climbing on worktops and taking the few biscuits and chocolate we did have from a high cupboard in the kitchen. We did not make a big deal but chose not to replace them when they were finished. When there was little else he could access, he started taking dried fruit from our baking cupboard. This weekend, he climbed on unstable shelves to obtain chocolate spread to eat with a spoon and was having honey by itself this morning. He does this when the rest of the house is asleep and I dread to think of the danger to him had one of the shelves fallen

For background, we aim to feed the children a healthy diet by modelling the habits we want them to develop. We do not eat much biscuits/cakes/sweets ourselves but where we do, they are always offered as well. I don't believe I am really strict but I do not give unrestricted access to food containing sugar as they cannot self regulate yet. We regularly talk about which foods are good for our bodies, help them grow etc and put the focus on this rather than demonising the foods we should eat less of.

I am confident it is not a hunger thing as food is not restricted. He is allowed as much as he wants for all meals, I send a packed lunch which contains all food groups - this comes home eaten but not entirely finished so I know he has more than he needs. The children have open access to all food within their reach - fruit, nuts, cheese, crackers, home made snacks are the types of food they can help themselves to at any time of the day without asking permission.

He is of a normal weight, healthy and very active. I am not concerned about weight gain in the short term but want to nip this in the bud before it starts to cause longer term issues. How do I approach this as calm conversations have achieved absolutely nothing?

Hopeful bump

I'd put a lock on the kitchen door for starters from a safety point of view, I am no help with any thing else , sorry!

Sugar is highly addictive, and speaking for myself, I struggle not to go on a feeding frenzy after I've had sweet food. As you seem to be going for a balanced approach and it's not working, I wonder whether cutting sugar out completely would help with his cravings? I know easier said than done with a child.

To add, as a child I remember helping myself to those dog choc drops, and also glace cherries, for example

I think some kids are more sugar addicted than others. I myself am drawn to sugar , my child who is ADHD also has a massive sugar addiction ( dopamine hit).

I wouldn't be hard on yourself or your child over it. Just accept this is something they're drawn to and it's addictive so at this age you can only put physical barriers in the way. That means you either remove it entirely from the house or you lock cupboards/ hide it.

my dd went through a phase of this from about 6-9yo.

We did a couple of things.

We put a lock on the kitchen door which was locked overnight, which stopped the early morning 'no-one else is awake' raids on the cupboards.

We left out a box where she could access it full of 'yes' snacks that were for that day only after breakfast, it did include some little bits of chocolate among some other healthier things. I did not restrict access to that box, but it only got a refill once a day!

other than that, it was just re-iterating that if she was hungry food would be provided, or drink, and going over healthy food conversations and occupying her to keep her distracted from 'boredom' eating.

I know i used to do it as a child, and i have my suspicions from talking to other parents that its related to ADHD and dopamine seeking, sugar/sweet stuff provided that.

I am NOT armchair diagnosing your kid, but it might be worth bearing it in mind if anything else starts flagging as he gets older.

@Foxxo we just said the exact same thing at the same time re dopamine hit 😄

How often is he actually allowed this stuff normally? I’m sure it’s not universal but the kids I know that go nuts for that sort of food are the ones that are allowed it very infrequently. The ones who get it daily, and I don’t mean free access more like choice of 1 thing after they come in from school, don’t seem as fussed. But that may not work for him, especially if there’s something else going on like ADHD related dopamine seeking. If it’s something like that then simply not having the items in the house might be better.

Thank you, I also feel it is an addiction and dopamine hit but wanted to get opinions before saying it. Unfortunately I feel going cold turkey is absolutely impossible because of how our society is. We are on the verge of nothing in the house - all that was left was the chocolate spread and honey (which are now removed!) but when we go to parties/playdates/relatives houses, copious amounts are offered. These are places I don't say blanket no because I believe he would feel left out.

There are no locks on any doors downstairs so the only option would be locking him in his room (which we will not do). Going back to child locks on all the kitchen cupboards is the other option as I do wonder if he is going to go for the pure white stuff next...!

I did this as a child.

It (mostly) wasn't about hunger - although my mum wasn't a good cook and I didn't enjoy the meals she made.

Chocolate tastes nice. My meals didn't. I was never actually hungry but chocolate and jam and sweets were the only food I actually enjoyed.

I'd often leave the table early on meals and not eat it all because it just didn't taste nice.

This sounds like a good approach based on your update, OP

He is offered a sweet snack at school daily before after school club (biscuit/pan au chocolat/cake etc - this is offered by school, I could say no but I don't want him to be left our so he gets it with his peers), I usually put a sweet item in his lunchbox (admittedly a 'healthier' homemade sweet such as banana and oat bread/carrot cake etc) and we have social events pretty much every weekend where he would be offered something

What do you give him for his packed lunch? In most schools kids only get 15-20mins to eat and are expected to play too. If there’s food left over don’t assume he ‘doesn’t need it’ assume he hasn’t had time to eat it and offer leftovers to him again after school if possible or give him a lunch that is high cal / high satiety but quick to eat.

If a 6 year old who is active and healthy is climbing cupboards to get biscuits etc I’d assume he does need the sugar and try to incorporate it into his diet.

I was like this when I was a kid OP, not sure if that's much help, I just had to grow out of it! I was that kid that ate all their chocolate immediately on Easter morning and I remember literally being sick once and having to have the day off school because of it!

I grew out of it luckily and I have a great relationship with food in general (never emotionally eat etc, love being healthy) and my body and I'm healthy and fit. I guess it was just a kiddie thing, I loved sweets!

I do remember staying over at my friend's house when I was young and she was always allowed a small choc treat like a flake once a day, and I thought it was so amazing and she was so relaxed around not being bothered about it being there. I think in retrospect, that would've worked for me (sounds like you're relaxed enough about this stuff too though).

His packed lunch has a hot item - rice/pasta/cous cous dish which will have veg or beans in it, piece of fruit, cheese or yoghurt, breadsticks/crackers or similar and a sweet treat (as mentioned above). I only cook with full fat so they get calories as I know how important they are when this young.

We started offering higher calorie food after dinner just before bed too in case he was hungry when he woke early and this was behind it but it has made no difference, he is just seeking sugar.

Thank you, I needed to hear this as I am sitting here petrified of him having an awful relationship with food, binge eating and yoyoing in weight as he grows up.

I just can't work out where it comes from or how to handle it because we both are so relaxed around food in general, never diet or restrict and are just guided by our appetite.

I did try the approach over the summer break where he chose his week's worth of sweet treats and once it is gone, that is it. This is when he started climbing on worktops for biscuits

This would seem the wrong way to go but I think not getting any ‘treats’ (I’ll get onto that word later lol!) or locking away makes kids (and adults speaking from experience!!) want it more! We had similar until we started getting it under control by eg getting the odd Freddo bar or packet of buttons or packet of crisps just randomly so after school once a week/ two weeks given something when they least expected it so they weren’t always thinking I need to get to something sweet!

On the treat thing make sure eg if you get grapes/ mandarins/ raisins big them up and call them treats too as well as eg crackers. My eldest was a fruitaholic so we were so lucky, because we were always saying‘don’t eat too many’ with grapes or those mini tomatoes the kids were curious and started grabbing for them too!!

All a long shot as to whether anything works but best of luck!!

Thank you. The approach you suggested was our original default - we had the box of sweets and the children would randomly be offered something from it. Our house rule has always been that anything in their reach is something they can help themselves to. If they need to climb on something to reach it, they should ask for permission.

Completely agree with using the word 'treat' and we try not associate it with food at all. Our approach is some foods taste and feel great but are not so great for our bodies and teeth so they should be enjoyed in moderation.

I do agree that giving nothing could make it worse and am very conscious that I can't stop everything for the entire house because of his behaviour, it is not fair on everyone else.

We used the words junk food rather than treat. My own addiction to sugar notwithstanding, we worked on the basis of proper food that was the bulk of their diet ( and encouraged them to be hands on in helping with food using the popular at the time 'Honey were killing the kids' recipes) My now adult children all have a healthy relationship with food, and good cooks to boot!
Junk food was had, in a fairly lighthearted manner, and as far as possible never used as a reward.

I am not sure at home you can do more. But if he is going feast to famine maybe start taking some of your healthier sweet tasting items to the areas where there is a binge fest. If its rellies you need to speak to them and give them alternatives to provide, we all have rellies that are feeders but sometimes they just need to understand what to feed and maybe let them spoil him with things that provide a bit of a dopamine hit - ipad time, games, toys, exercise etc

So you don’t eat sweet stuff but you have jars of chocolate spread and honey in the house? So you do eat them then!

I can’t say what the answer is. I had a sweet tooth as a child (still do) and biscuits etc were banned in my house but in fact poorly hidden and I helped myself to them. Cue a lifetime of obesity. Forbidden fruit is the most appealing.

You know what it was for me? I just loved the taste of sugar. I think it was just a taste buds thing, and I grew out of it as I naturally developed more adult taste buds as I grew up. I see this in my own kids...I never bent over backwards to give them veg over certain ages, as sometimes they just didn't like the taste, and now their taste buds have matured and it's currently fresh tomatoes, sweetcorn, avocado, etc with EVERYTHING 😄

I think personally there's nothing dark about your son's behaviour, I identify with it! If you're worried about him climbing on dangerous stuff you could always have a little treasure hunt every night for a little sweet treat at the end of it, that he has to be good and wait for?

Put a small lock on the kitchen door, no one's suggesting locking him in his bedroom, even a hook and eye lock at the top of the door would work.

I also was the kid who ate all their chocolate at once, hated veg and would rarely eat it until I was about 10 (ate all the fruit though). I am now a vegetarian and don’t like biscuits.

I do agree that giving nothing could make it worse and am very conscious that I can't stop everything for the entire house because of his behaviour, it is not fair on everyone else.

I only know it from myself- if we have nothing in the house it is all I think about and it gets me eating everything and anything to satisfy my thoughts then saw 12 yo eyeing the rich tea biccies miserably (he hates them!!) and thought ‘we might need something😅😅😅’