Does life after 3 get better?

[howifeel]

Feeling a bit down today.

Three year old is horrible. Was horrible at the start of the year then it settled down and now back to being horrible. Speaks to me and dad like shit, doesn’t listen, rude.

Not like this outside of the home.

I am just wondering if there’s any hope on the horizon or are we destined to have a mini general Franco rule the roost for the next however many years?

My DC1 went through quite a defiant stage when they were 3. They would lash out physically and verbally and be really quite nasty sometimes (and then the definition of angelic the next!).

Three and a half onward I saw a real change in them, they were able to handle their emotions a bit better and things became more “fun” again. They also started to actively enjoy playing with other kids and would look forward to play dates.

Ive never really restricted TV and don’t see it as the enemy that other people seem to sometimes. But I did prioritise spending time with their peers so that they could learn through interaction with other kids what was acceptable and also enjoy the company of other children.

They’re now 6 and an absolute joy to be around so I promise it really does get better! They’re just finding their feet at 3 ♥️

Well, the problem is that it means I get screamed at and all for nothing because the second he sees dad he gets it. Anyway, my phone is about to die and he’s broken my phone charger. Again. Sigh.

Then what? What happens after he goes apeshit?

That's the point, it's the stubbornness. Let him go apeshit, ignore it. What's he doing whilst losing his shit that's bad?

Thanks mummy. He’s closer to 4 😢 I thought we were through the worst. We aren’t. And I’m so fed up at phone chargers being wrecked.

I’ve told you then what. We all end up stressed. Sorry I sound annoyed and I’m not really just feel a bit under attack to be honest. I know that’s me feeling defensive.

My son was really difficult at this age :( I found the lock downs awful as I was trapped in the house with him and a newborn and he would tantrum constantly.
I tried different books, like how to talk so little kids can listen and happy parent calm kids and picked up some techniques from that and Becki Kennedy on Instagram. I found tiredness and hunger were massive triggers for bad behaviour so check these too.
School and time have really helped and my son is well adjusted now. Hang in there.

You don't have a 3 year old problem, you have a DH problem.

Maybe but stuck with both.

Ah I know it’s rough sometimes. What is he like with other kids? Will he play nicely? Does he go to nursery / childcare? I would often find that DC1 would be perfect outside of the house and then let it all hang out once they got home. I’ve heard it’s a good sign as that’s their safe space to let out some steam! But I know it wearing.

Do you feel like he’s able to express himself? Sometimes when DC1 couldn’t find the words it would make them even more mad!

Easy - stop screen time. Children that are rude or misbehaving shouldn't be getting treats handed to them daily for however long. You're the boss!!

Easy, is it <laughs hollowly>

Sounds like you have a dh problem rather than a 3 year old one,
It's much harder to be a good parent than a bad one. He needs to get on your page and minimise / stop the tv til behaviour improves

I really don’t think the TV is the issue. If he spoke to me like shit on a wholesome puddle jumping walk would everyone ban that? It’s just how things are at the moment. Must find a charger.

Watch super nanny and take notes.

I don't see the problem with him going "ape shit"

Let him. Ignore him.

Here's an actual interaction between me and my 3 year old son

"Can I watch pingu?"
"Of course you can"
"No I don't want that one! I want another one!!!"
"If you want another episode you can ask me nicely for it."
"I don't want this one I want another one. You do it!! Put it on put it ooooon!!!!!"
"You are shouting at me and not speaking nicely. I'm going to switch pingu off now and we'll come back to it when you're calmer."

He had a tantrum for 10 minutes and I left him to it. What do I care?

10 minutes later he came to apologise and I said we can watch pingu if he tries again to ask for the episode nicely. He did and he got to watch pingu.

You shouldn't be afraid of tantrums. Ignore that nonsense.

This sort of thing happens rarely in my house because he knows the tantrums get him nowhere other than tired and upset and prolongs getting the thing he wants anyway, or that he might lose out altogether.

Yes. I'd say we're going home if you continue to speak to me like that. And I'd follow through with it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve watched super nanny. I’ve yet to see anything especially effective, it’s just a programme to make mediocre parents feel good because they aren’t bad ones.

I am really really not here for long lectures about everything I’m doing wrong (extensive I am sure) I’m just wondering if there’s any hope at all. Sometimes I do feel low and depressed with it, it feels sometimes like yay, we’ve turned a corner, oh wait no, we haven’t, at the moment I’m pinning hopes on school / turning 4. But maybe not.

You’ve missed my point. So would I. It wouldn’t make a blind bit of difference but you know 🤣

The point isn’t whether the TV goes off or you go home; the walk didn’t cause the bad behaviour.

@howifeel

The point isn’t whether the TV goes off or you go home; the walk didn’t cause the bad behaviour.

It's yourself that's missing the point: It doesn't matter what caused or didn't cause the bad behaviour.

@howifeel

I’m just wondering if there’s any hope at all.

You can't have hope outside of your own parenting. You can't just hope and wait for things to get better. You have to parent your child.

Well, it rather does when posts on here insist that YouTube is the cause of it. But anyway, it does not matter.

Yikes he does sound a bit ... above and beyond the normal 3 behaviour and you both seem to have just given up and happy to allow it! This is setting you up for trouble later on!!

DH needs to be on same page though, agree some boundaries and stick to them!

Posters are saying that YouTube will not help. Some children don't do well with television or screens.

If you don't think it's an issue, that's fine. But you still need to parent your child and switch the telly off when he's being a brat to you.

Your answer to this is he goes around you to his dad who gives him anything he wants. Well, there you go. That's why he's so rude and nasty to you. You've no authority. Bollocks to mum, I'll just ask dad.

You're in a world of trouble ahead because of that and no amount of hoping will change it. Your husband is not a partner in parenting if he merrily undermines you like this daily. He's teaching your son not to respect you.

It probably does sound that way because he’s royally pissed me off tonight.

However, in fairness he isn’t like this all the time and he’s been complaining of earache which often precedes a perforated eardrum, and there’s often a period of unmanageable behaviour beforehand. It’s hard to know and it is difficult to manage.

As for giving up absolutely not BUT I know my DH, he is lazy, he will stick YouTube on, sneak chocolate … it annoys me but it isn’t borne out of malice.

Ok well you're asking if there's light at the end of the tunnel ? Frankly no, not if you guys don't sort it now and nip it in the bud. You must have seen older kids terrorising their parents... it won't magically fix I'm afraid. And I do sympathise, it's way easier to be a lazy parent day to day!